Fake

[Pizzaparty]

I always convince myself that none of my friends really like me and that they simply just tolerate me for a certain amount of time . I constantly feel as though I annoy my friends, in my mind everything presented as love is fake

[Hidden]

Hello👋

First thing's first, where and when is the pizza party?😆

Secondly, and in addition to Square's question, have ever thought that your friends might be having the same insecurities? I constantly have to remind myself that I am probably not the one thinking things like "omg, am I talking to much? they are just being polite by staying and they really just want to leave, etc."

[Pizzaparty in reply to Hidden]

All day everyday on pizza planet ! Lol😁 🍕 ,

and yeah I’ve had the thought presented to me before about my friends having similar doubts as me , the sad thing is that almost always my negative thinking is never truth to how they feel however ,i tend to get worried when my closest friends change our pattern of communication, it’s at that moment i feel like I’ve become annoying or im no longer someone they wanna be around.. i tend to get jealous at the thought of being “replaced” unfortunately , it’s not something I’m proud of

[Pizzaparty]

Yeah i always feel as though my friends will eventually out grow me or something, the whole “friends come in seasons” thing flys in my mind way too often , I know people have their own lives but idk I always feel like one day maybe i just won’t be enough

[Pizzaparty]

The 1 % of course 😔 and i have some pretty good friends , lately I’ve been the most sad about my best friend we don’t talk as much , i know we don’t necessarily need to talk all the time but i cherish the time spent behavior shifts always concern me

And to make matters worse I recently just confessed to having a crush on that particular friend DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN💀

The friend claims not to care but I’ve convinced myself I’ve ruined the whole friendship

[Pizzaparty]

Yeah i just need to overcome the thought of feeling like a nuisance, but thanks square💖

[Pizzaparty]

Thank you 😭🥺Likewise 💖

[texasbonnet]

O boy, do I ever know that feeling. I have felt like that since I was in grade school.

When I was in the 5th grade, the school district built a new school and that meant my best friend that I dearly loved would be going to the new school and I would not. I was crushed and thought I was loosing my best friend. I cried and cried and knew I would be replaced with someone cuter, smarter and skinnier (I was not skinny). My mom tried to reassure me but nothing worked.

All my life I have approached new people and events with caution. Always with the question of do they like me, is it ok I here and will I be replaced.

Later in life I began seeing a therapist I uncovered the original reason as to why I felt as I did. My mom did not want me. She tried to abort me. I wasn't wanted. That was a huge discovery as it explains what was driving all those negative feeling and all the questioning of friendships. I learned to be more trusting of my friends but it is still there and it still surfaces. If I am present in the moment, I can keep ahead of that "triggered feeling." I can rise above it and so will you. Keep moving ahead.

[Pizzaparty]

Similarly my insecurities started in 5th grade, come to think of it a lot changed for me at that point, I developed suicidal thinking, i was I secure about my body because i was the chubbiest in my class not to mention it was a private school

Being an only child i latched on to who i thought were my friends but they left a part of me mentally damaged due to constant teasing a lot about my weight and they questioned my sexuality at a young age , so often I wondered what was wrong with me and why I just couldn’t be normal, thus led to me feeling worthless so suicide seemed right because in my mind I couldn’t do anything right as long as I existed

So now all grown up i have awesome friends now and i can confidently call them true friends but whenever we communicate less i go right back to that place of feeling as though I’ve obviously upset them or annoyed them and at this point they just tolerate me right now i feel as though I’ve emotionally disconnected with my best friend especially now after confessing that i had feelings for that friend although they reassured that my feelings wouldn’t change anything between us

I’m more embarrassed than anything somehow i thought that being honest would liberate me but i feel much worse since then

[texasbonnet]

Your post had so many words that described my history. Chubbiest, tolerate, embarrassed. I feared being teased about my weight. I learned to never draw attention to myself. There were so many things I wanted to do but wouldn't even try because I feared being called fatty. There was a popular song on the radio and I lived in fear it would played when someone was around. The words, I don't want her she's too fat for me cut so deeply. I already wasn't wanted and add being fat to that. Trying to be invisible didn't help me escape being call Baby Blubber by my mom and older, all chubby, sister.

I am so glad you decided to stay on this earth and hope that things get better for you.

[Pizzaparty in reply to texasbonnet]

Sorry you went through that too , and thank you for your kind words