The smile I can't fake.

[Senior4merEverything]

Losing my son was devastating! I won't go into details, but it haunts my very second-to-second life!

Watching as my wife lay dying? It's another scene I'll never be able to forget.

Escaping a pervert who was sexually assaulting me when I was a seven-year-old child? Dismantling to my emotional safety.

So, to my family who express my need to put a smile on my face, until one arrives, I say:

"Go get your head out of your asses! I am doing the best I can, and I cannot, and will not fake a smile to make you comfortable!"

I'm not bitter, but I am realistic. I smile, but it happens in its own time, not according to a schedule I'd have to invent to make other people comfortable while I live my uncomfortable life!

They're never around me when I watch the videos of my son playing before he was killed. Or the video of both of us, rolling on the floor, while we were watching "Bugs and Daffy":!

If I can't live in my reality around you, stay away from me! You know how that works, so don't be offended.

[Starrlight]

❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜

[Cookie2217]

I am so very sorry for the loss that you and your wife have endured. No one should have to bury a child before themselves it's just so unnatural and not the natural order of things in life. I would like to offer my sincerest and heartfelt condolences to you and your family at this most of sorrowful time. You don't have to fake a smile for anyone. May the Lord hold your son in the palm of His hands until you want me again. Amen

[dutchgirl71]

I’m sorry for your loss. You are right…don’t worry about making others comfortable with your emotions. I hope you find peace.

[fauxartist]

You have it right... be yourself and what your comfortable with doing. Anyone with heart would understand that...I'd be the same. I'm sorry for your loss and the sorrow your enduring. Nobody knows but you really what your processing and going through.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry for all you have endured. Maybe counseling would help? Sounds like you need someone to talk to about everything.

[catsrock]

I'm beyond sorry for all of the losses and other struggles you have dealt with. I hate when people tell me to smile too - I want to say - leave me alone! You don't know what I'm dealing with. I hope you find some peace soon.

[Senior4merEverything in reply to catsrock]

I have become apoplectic at times trying to explain the various issues I mght be dealing with at any given time. It seems so idiotic for someone who doesn't want to understand and be helpful to me, how I'm feeling or why I might be feeling that way.

I work on my patience, but when I'm in a state that has become untenable for me, how the hell can I care whether or not this uncaring person feels about it? I'm all over the map with this, but then again, that's the freaking problem in the first place! Feel me?

Thanks for your response, I have too many morons who don't know how this is to live with, who seem to be trying to write a paper on the life I'm living.

Idiots can really make this depression-based life, worse.

[Weatherwoman in reply to Senior4merEverything]

So very sorry for all your losses. I find the same thing happening to me since I lost my Sig Other (two years this Nov.), and my fam. & friends just don't "get it" & people tell me that he's gone, and I need to be in the moment, or they might say, well you had him 27 years, or they might say be greatfull, be happy, etc. Well, I do think that unless a person has had a Big loss in their life, they just won't get it. Or, these people don't know what to say & they think that they are helping in their way (which really makes it worse, but they don't know that). So, while I feel dismissed with their remarks, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt! That helps me in the long run,

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

My deepest condolences 😞 Losing 2 people in such a way is something I can't imagine.

Your post came at a time where I was going to write something in the bereavement and grief page here.

People don't understand grief. People also don't understand sadness. All they know is to avoid it. And they hope that you won't make a "big deal" of it. Because that kills their vibe. They are remind that life is fragile and we aren't here forever. People don't like that. People also don't like it when others are sad. That's why they try to "fix it" as soon as possible. Rather than let the person sit with their sadness.

Also people think they can say something that will just snap the person right out of it. But there's nothing to say.

Best thing you can do for people who are in grief is ask them how can I be there for you? Maybe something as simple as stopping by once a week and making dinner for that person. Maybe help out with chores around the house. Or just sitting there quietly and watching TV. Not judging or telling them anything.

Sending love and hugs 🫂 ❤️