My only purpose is to be the dog that gets kicked when anything goes wrong. I don't want to exist anymore.

[Missnoname]

It's going to be long, and idc if anyone responds. I have no other way to vent. I don't care what any of you think about what I'm about to say.

In every aspect of my life, I've been the one who bends over backwards to do as much as I can for everyone. 8 years ago I lost my wealthy husband because he was cheating on me. I used to be a strong person. I lost most of my friends immediately and the few others within the next few years. Even the ones I had been very close to for years before he came into the picture. I wasn't useful of fun or worth anything to anyone anymore when I couldn't hand them money if they needed help. Now I'm no good to anyone. My 4 and 6 year olds

[Hidden]

Good Day.

I divorced 10 years ago and have had to rebuild my community of support - family & friends. I understand how hard it can be. Try to find 1 thing to be thankful for today. It could be as small as something you are wearing that makes you feel good or the beautiful, fluffy clouds in the blue sky.

I hear you.

[Missnoname in reply to Hidden]

My story wasn't close to over but there are no characters left. Now I'm a single mom of a 4 and 6 year old. I try to give them everything I didn't have but I have to travel for work to make that kind of money. 4 year olds dad doesn't work and lives with his mom. He doesn't have to clean or cook, he doesn't do shit but play with him and buy him toys. Every time my 4 year old comes over he says he wants to go back to his dad's. He cries and says he misses him. He tells me he doesn't care if he ever comes to my house again and a bunch of other mean shit. Im to the point that I have to force myself to shower. I'm in a constant state of panic. I wake up every 10 minutes all night long. I've been rejected by my own kid. I don't have a single good thing I'm my life.

[ciley in reply to Missnoname]

my sympathy and love ,i feel just hanging on too~thats why we are here, you are certainly not alone Ciley

[Coriel in reply to Missnoname]

I’m sorry it’s so stressful and hard right now. It’s good you vented and I hope t he next time it’s very overwhelming you can find some comfort knowing people care and listen, even if we don’t have the exact and answers

[yo207]

First, I would like to say that those people who you thought were friends were not true friends. I went through a nasty divorce and my true friends stood by me. I know that’s it’s hard but you have to forget those people and find other means of socializing with other people until you make new friends. My son was 14 when we started divorce proceedings. He hated coming home after the visits with his dad. I could see the hatred in his eyes and we barely spoke. As hard as it was I continued doing the right thing for him. You are teaching your children about love, respect, growing up to be good people. You are giving them the discipline that they will need which translates to love. You are showing them that you are responsible because you go to work so that they can have things that they need. They will not want or need toys when they become adults. I will add that my ex did the same thing. He gave my son a tv, computer, a pet, etc. I was always the bad guy. Today, my son does not speak to his father at all. He has not spoken to him for over 10 years. My son will be 30 in three months. He realized that he was being used as a pawn by his father and he now thanks me for not giving up on him. Your children will thank you one day. I know it feels like you are living in hell now but this will pass. I will go so far as to say that back then I thought about taking my life but I knew my son needed me, maybe not at that precise time but eventually and I was right. I also had counseling which helped. Don’t give up. Your children need you. You are being a mom and they need that. God Bless! PS, I also battled cancer during this time which I continue to do to date. Be strong and love yourself first.

[Missnoname in reply to yo207]

My son is 4. He doesn't want to be with me at all now. I tell him I love him 100 times a day, do fun things with him, I'm always nice to him. He treats me and his 6 year old sister (different father) like garbage. He says horrible things to her. He tells me he wants to go to daddy's and never come back. This is just made worse that I have to travel for work so he does have to stay there sometimes 2 weeks straight. He doesn't even want to call me, I can tell his dad is forcing him to.

[Cb1963]

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't great for you at the moment, but children can say things that don't mean much at such a young age, and just want anything and everything, I only just found out after nearly 25 years my daughter had to have counselling,as I was an absent parent myself, but my story isn't plain sailing either, and it affected my whole life, and still does in some ways everyday, I ended up finding my friend hanging, committed suicide, and it threw my whole life apart, I ended up becoming an alcoholic, split up with my partner, and for all intentions disappeared from the face of the planet to my whole family,now fast forward, I'm sober for over 8 + years, I have contact with my son and daughter, and no matter what, I can't chase back those lost years with my children when I had all my problems,keep your life simple, enjoy daft moment's, drawing, splashing in puddles, baking, going for walks,anything, because that will count for more than anything else,I have had counselling myself, I was damaged goods and both me and my daughter have mutual understanding, as she doesn't want to bring up the past, but she knows what happened, I wish it never happened, and this is what none of us can change,you can still be a big influence on what is happening, and don't get let this get you down, pick some music that you like, dig some clothes out that make you feel comfortable in,take time for yourself, have you got any family that can still help,even join a local church group, I did this not for religious reasons, but to meet others, and to help with my recovery from drinking, it was a long road,and inbetween all of that I lost my uncle and my father both in the space of 2 weeks,you can get through all of this,trust me the years just fly by,I hope you'll get strength, and don't get to downbeat, best of luck 🙏

[Missnoname in reply to Cb1963]

Right now I can't even get off the couch to do anything. I have to leave to go back for work Monday. And I feel like a failure to my 6 year old, bc I'm so upset I don't want to do anything.

[Cb1963]

Clearly you need help,and its trying to find help that will make you feel better, and also put some joy back into your life,I don't know what part of the world you are from, but its trying to find support and understanding that will give you the tools to get your mojo back into life,as quickly life is a bundle of excitement, the same it can suck you down, and once you are down at the bottom, nobody wants to know you anymore, this is why you need to start looking for help,trust me,I did it,I didn't have much of a life, nothing to look forward to, but slowly, after sorting my health problems out firstly, and it was a difficult, and had quite a few operations along the way,which I didn't expect, but now I'm doing okay,your little one will be relying on you at some point, and I can imagine that things are pretty difficult for, and your story maybe quite complicated to try on solve in just a quick message, I'm a pretty persistent person, and i hope that you take my advice, and i just feel for you,sometimes I can't work out the forum, as sometimes people get loads of replies, and yet you haven't had many responses,I could go on for hours, but would it actually help,I don't know,if you are bored and fed up, I don't mind trying to cheer you up,and at the same time try and pass any advice that I may have missed out, we are complex creatures, and trying to solve problems isn't always easy especially if you are on your own,the mind can put you into dark places, but we can escape from them,and seeking help is the first way out,trust me,this is a blip,and you will turn the page,and you'll find that you can move on from this, I hope that you can find a little solace in what I say,so don't over think things in life, and maybe try and get some support for yourself, I wish you well, take care,thanks

[Missnoname in reply to Cb1963]

Thank you. Your message actually made me feel a bit better.

I'm planning on going on meds (doing an online thing) but I just can't pay for it until next week, then wait for delivery, etc. I got off all the meds years ago but just replaced them with other unhealthy things, I know I probably need to be medicated my entire life.

At the same time, sometimes I think if nobody really needs you than what is the point.

[Cb1963]

Trust me, you'll find someone, one day,but at the moment get yourself eating healthy, get into a routine,and dont let guilt eat you up inside,boy if I could turn the clock back, I would never have touched alcohol, I have got nerve damage in my feet and hands, and the pains are horrible,but at the time, I didn't know what else to do,or who to turn to,after finding my friends suicide,years ago there wasn't any help,and I ended up with PTSD, so you are still young,and have many happy years ahead of you,even your title made me feel sad for you,missnoname,boy you must of put a lot of thought into that(not),that tells me how low you were feeling, so you don't know what the future brings, you might need medication only for a few weeks, and then who knows what will happen,life is a mystery, and I still have Hope's and dreams,I have a crystal ball and I always hope for a good outcome in life myself, only joking, lol,but you need to find some sparkle dust in life,and this will get your enjoyment factor going for you again,and in this world, somebody will need you,if that's what you want, and when you are ready, I'm sure you'll be able to pick the right person,like I have said, you are bound to be fed up,I'm just a little disappointed nobody else has jumped into the conversation from the forum, normally a post like this would generate quite a lot of replies,see how it goes, and maybe someone else might join the conversation,I wish you a positive outcome, and like I said I don't mind talking about most things even the weather lol,take care for now, thanks.