Anxiety and depression - Invisible struggles

[wishifeltbetter]

There are very few people who understand the extent to which mental illness effects us.

Has anyone ever felt like the only way to show people how much we are hurting and the extent and impact that their words and actions have on us, is to physically harm yourself? Maybe if I physically harm myself, it would make someone realize how I have not been okay for a very long time. And make people consider how their words and actions added to my mental struggles and pushed me over the edge.

I do not want to hurt myself, I do not want to end my life by any means. But I do want certain people to realize how their words and actions have hurt me, at a time when I was winning the battle against my anxiety and depression, their actions pushed me into this black hole.

Just for clarity, I recently lost my job “due to overstaffing.” Without severance and without empathy. It is my previous employer, my supervisors/managers whose actions and words have triggered me. They could care less about my wellbeing. It is clear how little they care. They could care less that on the worst days, I got out of bed, put a fake smile on, and continued to work and do the job they needed me to do. They could care less how many times I put their needs above my own. At the end of the day, I am just a number, a salary and benefits that they cannot afford to maintain so that they can maintain their own salary and profits. In their minds, so what that I can’t afford my mortgage, so what that I cannot afford healthcare and medications. As soon as I was let go, their minds went on to other things. They have their jobs, they have their financial security. At the end of the day, corporations and managers only care about themselves.

Before I took this job I was on a very low dose of 1 medication for anxiety. Since taking this job, my anxiety went through the roof, I developed depression, I developed an autoimmune disorder, I had to seek out treatment from a psychiatrist, and I now require more medications for anxiety and depression than ever before.

I want them to know and be held accountable for the suffering their actions and words have caused. The extent to which their actions have had on my mental wellbeing and health.

How can I show my invisible struggles, the suffering their actions have caused, besides physically harming myself to the degree that results in awareness.

[KittenMittens22]

It sounds bad, but I honestly feel people like that (who already don’t care) are not going to care even if they see the pain it caused you. And expressing it may not even change their minds about letting you have your job back or even stop them from doing it again to someone else.

If you really need to express yourself, perhaps sending a well thought out (non-hostile) letter may open up someone’s eyes to see how such work practices harm others.

I don’t know what it’s like in a work setting, but I do know what it’s like to be treated unfairly and upset by a person and there wasn’t a way to truly convey my pain. And like I said, in the cases I did express it, that person didn’t care anyway and it made me feel more upset.

[wishifeltbetter in reply to KittenMittens22]

I was also thinking this as well....that even doing something physical to show the pain they caused....at the end of the day they probably would not care. They might say the words we are all expected to say as decent human beings, "oh no, I'm so sorry," "get better soon." But words without actions are empty. And at the end of the day, sadly, I think they would go on about their lives without a second thought about my wellbeing. And as you said, would probably continue on and do the same thing to someone else. It sucks that some people/employers suck. The harsh reality is, employees are just a number on the payroll, used and abused until we are of no benefit to them. We give all our time and efforts to them, and then we are thrown out like trash the second they don't need us. Sorry for venting. My company kept me on to work for them as PRN. But I have realized working for them PRN is not good for my mental health. I still have much anger and resentment towards this employer. I have also realized them retaining me for PRN work is just another way for them to use me. I have decided that I am not going to be their b*tch.

[sunandbutterfly]

Hello, Sometimes it is easier for people to see the physical ailments of a broken leg then mental health or sometimes even chronic health issues.

Sorry to hear of the loss of your job and the physical struggles that you have been having. Perhaps an honest but respectful letter would be a good way to communicate how you are feeling? Have you been able to see a licensed counselor? Or talk with your psychiatrist about this? They may be able to give you some guidance.

A couple of other things that may be helpful include succeeding in another position and/or volunteering with an organization that raises awareness. Hope that helps!

[wishifeltbetter in reply to sunandbutterfly]

I do see a psychiatrist....have spoken with a psychologist/counselor in the past but not lately. Both are very helpful. Thank you for your response and advice!

[Laurennnnnnn]

Oh my gosh thank you so much for posting this. I’ve been feeling the same urge to hurt myself lately for that same reason, and it’s made me feel crazy and hate myself even more. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that too, it’s awful, but I am relieved to know that I’m not alone in having those thoughts