Realize I need to go back to aa

[Davidlosingit]

okay well I've been up and down lately. I posted that I had started a relationship which I thought had ended but I started talking to this lady again and it would go well but then she disappear for days on messenger. So every thing was going well i asked her if she wanted to come over she said yes. I talked to her the next couple days and then nothing she disappeared again. This made feel very insecure . So I got drunk and high. I couldn't bear to think she didn't like me. So I got wasted. When I drink I get terrible hangovers feel like I'm shaking. I want to get sober. I don't drive and live with my parents. I to ashamed to admit I need to go back to aa. I have to get a ride and im not telling my parents that I need to go back to aa. I don't know anything anymore im a loser and hate myself. When I'm not under the influence im filled with anxiety. I used to go to aa but that was years ago and I convinced myself I had it kicked.i know this isn't a substance abuse forum but I don't know what else to do.

David

[Canonp]

Hello, thank you for sharing that. First of all, I can clearly relate when you stated that you felt that you were a loser and hated yourself when the lady went MIA. When you tend to have some lots of anxiety you tend to feel insecure and pessimistic about some staffs mostly.. so I can fully relate. David, you ain't a loser at all. I really don't know how to put it but for you feeling that way is not because of you but because of her. She went MIA may be because of her own personal issues but not you. I know that even me stating that you ain't a loser may not be really convincing but trust me, you ain't. For me, when a close person does that and goes missing in action or missing online, mostly after making plans I tend to feel the same way. But trust me, good days are yet to come, may be she is like that, may be consider that something serious happened and she has to sort it out hence went MIA. But if it's true that she stood you up, don't worry.. better days are coming.. trust me.. I've been there, relating to friends in my case.. about going back to AA, just do it, having stated that in the passed it helped you. And if your parents are the understanding ones, kindly tell them. Because the understanding parents/guardians are the best people one can have .. so if they are the understanding one's, share with them before going. They might help you out a great deal .. thank you.

[Davidlosingit in reply to Canonp]

Thanks they understand Allright but I don't want to admit im wrong. I'm also not a kid I'm almost 40. I live at home because of my sickness anxiety,depression,bi polar. I don't drive because I'm scared to. I hate that I have to really on them I should be independent. Also don't have access to public transportation. I was happy using but it doesn't work anymore but I can't stop.

[fauxartist]

There is no shame or failure about wanting to get sober and do meetings again David. And I would think your parents would rather have you trying to get better than know your suffering in silence. Often when you find a home group, and get a support list, you may even be able to work out getting rides with some other members. Where there is a will there is a way.

Many people dealing with depression also have the added disease of addiction/alcoholism. This is very common...1 in 3 people in program also deal with other issues. Low self esteem, etc. is often from mental injury, depression, trauma, etc. So there is no shame, it takes courage to want to get help. That's the first step already done. So know that you deserve to be happy, this is not your fault, and it is hard work some days, more than others...but worth it.

You also have to remember that you really didn't know this gal...and people have their own issues they are dealing with that have nothing to do with you, it's about them....so you can't always turn others peoples actions on to yourself, you don't know what their reasoning is for what they do. You may have even dodged a bullet and didn't know it. So just keep trying...don't give up...