Lately I've been thinking about how I use humor to deal with some pretty suffocating feelings. I post memes, I smile at my co workers and say "fine" a lot, I write the right words to alleviate family feelings of guilt despite my true feelings, I laugh and joke and pull out witty one liners when in actuality I'm murdering my emotions in order to continue functioning on a daily basis. Is it so bad to ignore the mundane problems I tend to overthink by making dark and sometimes inappropriate humorous remarks? Does anyone REALLY want to hear my problems? Because, in all honesty, I truly believe you don't. Aren't we all just waiting for others to stop talking/whining/crying/complaining for our turn to talk/whine/cry/complain?
Did you know, that a long, long time ago, I was a sweet, sympathetic/empathetic girl who took everything to heart and truly believed that people were "good" but that some simply got lost along the way. Crazy, right? And now...well, lets just say I have trust issues now and that there are only 2 people in the world I would honestly be upset about if they died. And it's because of these 2 people that I don't end everything right this second. Which actually causes me some conflicting emotions because, on one hand, I thank a God I don't believe in for gifting me such wonderful children but on the other I resent the lives that make me continue to care/love/connect when I could be DONE with all this crap.
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SarcasmIsFun
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Words can’t change people, fancy speeches and supportive individuals can’t change a person. The only thing that can change a person is themselves. The worst thing to hear is “I know how you feel”, when no one can ever understand what another person is going through, experiences are different for everyone. What I do know, and can say with confidence, is that if you want something bad enough, you can have it, and that includes happiness, peace, love, and success. I believe that deep down, we all want these things. No matter how hardened a person may seem on the outside, we all just want to be loved on the inside, we don’t want hate and anger in our lives. Right now it may seem like negativity and strings of bad luck are coming your way, it may seem like the only thing in your life. My advice to you is to stop fighting it, stop trying to forget it, stop trying to hide it, stop hurting yourself in order to kill it, because none of that will work. What you have to do is face it, learn from it, use it to your advantage. Some of the greatest minds on earth have struggled through mental illness, don’t think of it as a curse, don’t give it power over you, it’s something that builds you up over time. Fighting the monster of depression only makes us stronger, that sounds cliché, I know, but just hear me out. Being depressed and feeling hopeless may make you feel detached from the world, but you know what, too many people get caught up in the business of everyday life and forget to take a step back. Think of your depression as a malleable gift, use it to your advantage, learn to live peacefully with it until the time comes where you say, “Enough, I want to be happy”. I promise you, that day will come, it just takes time. And I promise, you will come out stronger. Just keep fighting
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Too much right now
I'm new here but now I don't feel so alone.
Am so unhappy right now 
My thoughts right now....
Facing the Truth
