Not good

[PackerGirl]

I always greatly appreciate the support and guidance I receive from those of you here. I’m sorry if I don’t respond to your comment but please, please know it means a great deal to me - a great deal...

That said, I think I’m sinking. Sinking back into really severe depression, back into a confused and black hole kind of mind set. I just feel like I can’t take anymore of this and have zero energy to fight. I’ve lost the very slight motivation I did have. I feel no hope for the future and my heart is just positively broken from the overwhelming and numerous losses I’ve had over the last several years.

I’m not making good decisions, I’m backing away from the only one true person I have in my life. Im disgusted with my looks, weight, age. All I do is sleep, eat, read and watch tv - literally. I’m just lost. 😢

One thing I will say is that a former student of mine keeps in contact and sent me this yesterday. I lost my dogs several months ago and one of them died 3 weeks ago, this sketch is her version of Lilly and I. I know it’s very kind but aside from tears of sadness, I feel nothing. Nothing. I’m a little scared right now...

[Abadar]

"All I do is sleep, eat, read and watch tv - literally. I’m just lost"...This beautiful insight suggests that you might be sinking but have not drowned yet. Excellent that you are doing two activities that give me a hope that you would swim up as soon as you would start using your arms and legs to move up to the surface.

Sloution: Meditation or simple Mindfulness exercise....Let us start.....focus on breathing...only breathing ...breaaaath in and breaaaaath out consciously, focusing just on breathing, initially you would be focusing for less time but after a few hours of concentration, you would catch up with your beautiful breath, the life saving, rejuvenating air entering into your lungs and the "bad air", leaving your systems....trust me you would swim back to surface very fast.....Ah fear of sinking again...nor problem....swim up again with Mindfulness exercise. Best wishes....cheer up.

[PackerGirl in reply to Abadar]

What a thoughtful and beautifully worded response! Thank you so much. The recommendation to reconnect with my breathing pattern is very well received. I am aware it assists with my anxiety as well so it’s a win/win to do so. As a swimmer, well formerly anyway, I relate strongly to your analogy of me rising to the surface if I did indeed start drowning. I’m going to heed your words of wisdom and start focusing on my breathing right now. Thank you!

[Agora1 in reply to PackerGirl]

Kelli, Abadar is sooo right in that proper breathing is everything.

Along with meditation, you will survive. Breathe my friend xx

[jtk1701]

Not to be a creeper, but after reading the above comment I thought I'd add something I find helpful with breathing awareness/exercise. An online friend sent me this ADORABLE gif of a donut that you can breathe in and out with ( tenor.com/view/meditation-m... ), but there are apparently all kinds of animations online to help with this focus-on-breathing concept. This is a really pretty one I like too: data.whicdn.com/images/2877...

And remember--if you're still breathing, that means you're still fighting. <3

[PackerGirl in reply to jtk1701]

Thank you very much! I love the animations and have already found them helpful, thank you 😊

[Hidden]

Oh no wonder you're depressed & scared. 😔😕 I am so sad for you. The grief that goes with the loss of your pet is indeed one of the saddest.

Losing your precious fur babies is so 💔 heartbreaking. I lost 2 in a 6 month period a few years ago and it was devastating. One was 8 years old and the other 6 months. Both were a surprise and a huge shock.

They do have online support groups and in person support groups. Check "Meet-Up"..I think Meet -Up has an app.

I am very familiar with the grief that goes along with losing your beloved best friend(s). It can be worse than losing a family member in most cases. It takes time Kelli ..don't push yourself..be patient with the process of grieving. Be gentle with yourself. The picture is beautiful and that was a very sweet gesture on the part of your student to memorialize your pet.

In the meantime, as you continue to grieve , think about memorializing them in some way. You can search Pinterest for some ideas. I went into Personalization.com and personalized frames with their names, date of birth and passing and put a picture in each frame. I currently have 5 on the wall. I buried them each in their own biodegradable boxes with their favorite blanket and toy.

In the meantime, please allow yourself time to grieve and don't be surprised that folks without pets won't understand.

You're in my thoughts and prayers 🙏.

Gretel331

[PackerGirl in reply to Hidden]

Such good ideas, thank you! I appreciate the compassion and empathy, it is hard to understand unless you’ve lost a pet yourself. It’s SO hard! I guess I’ll try to be more patient with myself and the grieving process. Thank you again ❤️

[Hidden in reply to PackerGirl]

It's so hard I understand. Please message me privately if you want to chat. Yes re pet loss the only people that get it is one who's been through it. It seems like your pets were lucky to have such a mommy that loved them so much ♥️.

Be patient and guide yourself through the process slowly. Do you have other pets? There are so many that need loving fur-ever homes when you are ready.

Please message me anytime if you want to chat.

... and forgive those who never lost a pet for they know not what they say.

Peace and love to your pets who I know adored you as a pet mommy!♥️⚓🙏💛♥️💛⚓

My blessings Kelli,

Gretel331

[PackerGirl in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, I can’t get over feeling like I failed them and it’s really weighing on me. The fact that Lilly died just weeks after being adopted is killing me. I cry every single day, it’s so hard. Sadly, I’ve also had a “friend” say some awful things to me about it and it’s made me feel 1 million times worse. Your words have helped so much. Thank you so very, very much ❤️

[Hidden in reply to PackerGirl]

Kelli

Unfortunately, we have no control over our dogs, otherwise they would live forever.

[PackerGirl in reply to Hidden]

That would be idyllic! ❤️

[Hidden in reply to PackerGirl]

It certainly would be!♥️⚓🙏

It's okay to cry as much as you need to...losing a pet is indescribable. Take time and space you need to grieve don't push yourself, when you're ready, there is an abundance of dogs needing your love, please share that love with a furry friend(s).

My blessings and peace are with you 🙏 ♥️X

[PackerGirl in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Gretel331 😊❤️ I read your profile and I too am a therapist on medical leave, disability has been applied for but it’s taking forever!!

I too am very lonely and miss being near water so much as it was my meditation. I lost my dad, my best friend and true support to cancer after a 23 month battle. I then lost my grandma and now my dogs. As I lost my job and house, as a result of severe depression and anxiety, due to poverty from not working, I had to place Sullivan and Lilly for adoption, so they could have the life they deserved. Lilly died just after being adopted by her new family, which feels so much harder to me. Sullivan is still with his new family but alone without Lilly. The entire situation just kills me.

Every pet I’ve ever had has been a rescue, I’m wholly dedicated to animal rescue. I can’t move forward with any other animals due to my current situation. It, I feel completely hopeless...