...that made a confused and unhappy woman wonder...
I read manga, manhwa and webtoons daily. I am more than capable and more than happy to read grown up books, that have chapters, hundreds of pages and no pictures. I'm a librarian, so don't underestimate me. BUT, there is such beauty and feeling in these stories and drawn images that it is a complete waste to YOU if you disregard it as "inferior" literature. Case in point, a webtoon entitled Dr. Frost.
I have had an obsession in psychology since high school and would have studied and graduated and become a psychologist except that life got in the way....I was born with a strong inclination toward laziness. Oh, and fear. I have a lot of that too. But, I still read all I can in my free time, especially in times of stress and unhappiness. When the desire to die becomes too strong, then that means it's time to DSM-V! I should have a T-shirt made.
I am getting waaay off point. What I wanted to talk about was this webtoon I recently read, called Dr. Frost. Its basically like that old show called "House" but the disturbed genius concentrates on psychology. He does not deal specifically with depression because, lets face it, it's not an interesting mental health case. EVERYONE has it to some degree but it mentions some very interesting tests that are used on patients that I had never heard of. It also mentions a problem that I had not considered in the many, MANY therapy sessions I've had with multiple therapists.
I don't know about you, but I have been trying for YEARS to get help. To discover that one doctor or therapist that can help me, understand me, know me, FIX me. But have I ever taken a moment to step back and understand what those doctors and therapists are struggling and fighting against while trying to help me? I am a veteran. I know their tests, their leading questions, their subtle prods....in short, I KNOW their game. And in a world where I feel I have no control it is hard not to control this one playing field. When I am in session I am in control, and despite knowing that the result is detrimental to me it is hard not to grab that momentary feeling of control and guide the conversation and topic toward my aim.
My therapist is a wonderful man, I think (I'm super paranoid, so he is almost assuredly is a very nice guy) but he has to constantly try to fight against my negative and manipulative nature. I WANT help but I'm terrified of being asked to change. And I am so stubborn that I actually haven't seen him since before Christmas, which was six months ago. Knowing your faults doesn't always mean you can fix them.