Can’t seem to let go

[gilded_masquerade]

I’ve made a couple posts since I’ve joined about my abusive ex and have done whatever I could since the breakup to try to move on, but for whatever reason; I can’t seem to be able to.

Just a quick recap; I’ve known him since o was 11 (I’m going to be 25 in September) and he, 12 (he’ll be 26 in December). We had this on again off again relationship due to our age, being with other people and him moving to a small town that I would ironically move to with my family 2 years later. I was with him for almost 5 years and we’re engaged (or in my mind “promised” to be). Over these years he became abusive and narcissistic, a thief, blamed me for everything and so on, he literally did everything in the book. The breakup was extremely messy and spiked my anxiety and depression as he stalked me through social media and in person and would not leave me alone. Maybe I’m paranoid but to this day I swear; he’s still trying to do whatever he can to keep an eye on me and my life (he no longer has a fb account and he blocked me on instagram but still seems to mimic what I do on mine allegedly).

July 31st, it’ll be 3 years since I’ve escaped him and yet, it doesn’t really feel like I have. I’ve tried everything I could find in regards to trying to move on, I talked to a counsellor, would journal, mindfulness and gratitude activities, self care, you name it. But for some reason I can’t let go.

Maybe it’s because I still can’t believe I let him get away with everything he did, or maybe it’s because I’m still angry about it, I’m not entirely sure why but either way; he’s still haunting me.

I don’t want to be mad anymore. I don’t want to be anxious because of him anymore. I don’t want this affecting my current relationship or any other kind of relationship I have. I just want to exorcise him from my life, but it seems like that will take some more time, much to my dismay.

[Mia898]

Have you talked to a therapist or got professional help? Funny enough my Partner had the same with his last girlfriend was engaged and she become violent after loosing a baby .

[gilded_masquerade in reply to Mia898]

I had seen a counsellor or two and had talked about it and the most the could tell me was to cut all ties by blocking them or if hearing someone talking about him to say I wasn’t interested and shut them down.

But that doesn’t necessarily rid me of the intense feelings I have even after so long of being rid of him.

Still have nightmares about too, along with moments where I swear he could walk through the door any minute like nothings happened.

I’ve sought help but didn’t really provide me with much...

[Mia898 in reply to gilded_masquerade]

Ok totally understand re help . Can you write a note to yourself getting rid of the feelings??

[Hidden]

It is indeed difficult but not impossible!!Try to keep you busy.Engross yourself in some social works + charity clubs even for animals.

Read books about how to love yourself back.Stay with your loved ones only,they will be the one who will support you no matter what happens.

Meditate.

Be courageous ❤️

[Sprinkle1]

There are some good ideas here, but apparently you are not applying them, I think it is time you grew up, do not waste your life on this piece of garbage, get a life, volunteer work is wonderful, I have done it all my life since age 17, and have outlived several romances and 3 marriages. Learn to love yourself, and be your own best friend. Then find some decent friends you can do things with. I send you peace, love n hugs......

[Arkus]

I could never understand why people cling to abusers or bad relationships. For me, if someone in my life hurts me emotionally or otherwise, they’re done. How can love sit beside fear? People have to do the mental work of facing reality if they are not able to emotionally detach. Be thankful you are rid of this man and have a life ahead of you without having wasted too much time on him. Be thankful there are no children involved. If he is a stalker, that’s a big problem and you should ask for advice on how to deal with it.

Best of luck!