I am an extreme Introvert. I'd like to pose a curious question to you all.
Do you think that Introvert's are more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression?
Most people fall in the middle of the personality spectrum of Introvert and Extrovert and some are to one extreme or another based on our personalities. Neither is good or bad.
Introverts still have good quality relationships and process life and our feelings differently than Extroverts. Introverts enjoy spending time alone however they still have good quality friendships, it is all good it's just different and more comfortable than being the outgoing life of the party, love being in groups, where Introvert's do not like when things get "too peopley" or being the center of attention, which would exhaust an Introvert. We like being home reading a book rather than going out.
We like being alone and if we had to attend a party we would not go and give and excuse or sneak out the back door wiping our foreheads with beaded sweats high tailing it home.
My husband Is an introvert. I know he has anxiety especially with people, but he won’t admit it, men hardly ever do.
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Man say hai, I have got anxiety every day that is crippling at serious points...
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Hi ,my husband get really angry with his anxiety. No one else is right about not one thing.But to calm himself down ,he smokes two cartons of cigarettes Every two weeks, which is really bad for him, and me too. But he doesn’t care if I get lung cancer. He thinks he’s right about that too, only if you smoke you can get it. Please don’t start smoking now, it’s not good for you, or anyone’s else near you. I have anxiety, and depression from PTSD, but I don’t smoke or drink. I find other things to help myself , like talking on here. It cripples me sometimes too, but you have to find ways to calm down. I can tell you some, if you want me too.
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I am so there with you on this. As a man, I was expected to be #airquotes “manly” and not talk about it, everyone was wrong but me and I abused alcohol since I was 13 when I lost my Grandma who I was close to and cared for since the age of 5. I used to binge drink when I was younger which turned into drinking most if not everyday and cost me my kids and marriage but since that sobering thing happened to me I have not abused alcohol since 17th Feb 2020, sure that’s not long ago but it’s the longest I have gone without medical intervention.
I was using beer as a coping mechanism so long I could not see that it was this that was the problem. I used to get angry and agitated because because a) the alcohol effected the medications effects and made it less effective b) my blood pressure would frequently be 150+ over 100+ which at 40 is too high and my pulse races at 90bpm or higher resting.
I stepped up to the plate and took the serious step that take bigger ‘balls’ than anything I have ever done and I accepted that I needed to change... I found it extra hard because my lower discs in the lumbar L1, L2, part of my spine I have DDD, and Bone marrow edema syndrome. I am on high dose morphine for this and I had lost my full time career so I have had to make massive changes to my lifestyle to start to heal inside and out. Guys, men, dudes whatever rarely talk about this kind of stuff because they fear they will be bullied for it (I have a history of being bullied at home, school and in the workplace) or they will see themselves as weak or unmanly. This is stupid as men we should not fear this but this is what I have learnt so far from February this year and I am open and honest about it now as it could help save someone the same pain and emotional distress that causes things to get worse.
By 2 cartons of cigarettes I guess that 400? It’s not healthy to smoke at all just as it is not healthy to drink like I drank but it’s worse because you can’t passively drink (the same alcohol) as you can passively smoke the toxic noxious smoke that smoking causes you to. Smoking did never calm me but it was a lot easier to quit than the booze. I have never abused recreational drugs but I have dabbled in amfets and cannabis (the latter actually helped the pain but is not available as far as I know in the UK for pain relief with THC in but there are CBD capsules, oils etc)
I can’t tell you what to do or what you should do about this but I have found a lot of good advice here, from actually stepping up to the plate and actually doing what I should have years ago, but I find this helps;
You can’t run away from it, until you face all the mistakes you have made, you can not begin to change.
Most people choose not to change because, it is easier for people to turn around and then go back, not change.
We are always waiting for our lives to change; but, what are we waiting for? All we have is now, do not run from it..... CHANGE!
It’s paraphrased from the source but you get the general gist of it.
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My husband has a blown disco from 20 years ago. Won’t get operated on ,too scared he’d be crippled. Also he came from a family in a cult religion, that he hated, so at 16 he told his father he was out of there. Then he became the black sheep of the family. They never wanted him in their life since then, or our children. They all died from things they could of been cured of. Glad your taking care yourself now.
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Thank you. I am sorry to hear that. It can't be hard but your asking on here would have were it me in your shoes thinking hard about what's worth it and what's not worth loosing vs everything else. If that makes sense?
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I agree. People choose to stay where it's comfortable and not take the leap to create a happier life, then when they're 85 they have a few regrets.
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It is better to regret something you have done than it is to regret not doing it at all.
I will just leave this here...
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I hate cigarette smoke. It's gross and disgusting. People can quit..all I hear is you don't know how hard it is to quit..well then either get lung cancer and die an early death and let your family watch you suffer or get help and quit. To me it's a no brainer.
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Help definitely but I was lucky enough not to be addicted it was a social thing as my wife smoked then, she quit after 2 failed attempts with patches and gum but that was pre vape scene, vaping might or might not be as bad to the person doing it but it's not harmful to others in the way cigarette smoking is.
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Wow I got everyone going on this smoking thing!
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As an ex-smoker... 16-18 20-27 then quit I am the worst as it's even worse I think but that is just my own disdain of having smoked?
In my limited experience of parties, I've found that the host or hostess makes or breaks such an event. A good host shall greet and provide introductions, especially for the introverted guests, to prompt conversation, usually with people of similar interests, etc.
Ohhh nooooo party animal here Mr. E🤭. Let me rephrase my answer. Introverts wouldn't think twice about giving an excuse to not go to the party. I.e., I have to shave my legs, A Friends marathon is on, my car won't start, etc...etc...no 💐🎈👭👫👭👫for this introvert...😯😯
Thank you for your insight. As introverts we find it almost impossible to socialize in large groups. It's like forcing a square into a round hole. I have a small number of friends we hang out with..it's part of our nature...good thought though...thank you 😊 ❤️🌻🌞!
I'm not sure. I do remember reading in one depression self-help book, that the author thought there was a link between shyness and depression. I know that they(shyness and introverism) don't always exist together, but sometimes they do (like with me )
I read a book about the "five love languages" by Gary Chapman. I indentified strongly with the "Quality time" love language. I realized that this was precisely what I wasn't getting and think it was a big contributor to my own depression - and a reason why I wasn't getting "quality time"/interaction was because I was shy and interverted.
In my good moments, I remember that it is a skill for me to develop. That's all it is. Socializing is like weight-lifting. Do many many reps and I'll see improvement gradually.
It is really just part of our personalities..we like it. I'd rather paint my nails watching TV or go to a movie with 1 friend than go to a party... yikes..too peopley..🤐
Parties?? 😯😯No, no, no-I always try to find a wall to sit next to, so that I have no one sitting on the other side of me. You can always find me in a corner! Lol
I've read that shyness is completely different than introversion. Shyness is being nervous around people and whether they will like you or not and introverts enjoy being alone because it is innate in their personality. They actually like being in solace reading with their PJs on reading a book at home on a Saturday night. We're not peopley people just like some folks are born extroverts loving being the center of attention. It's inside us.
Thank you Blackdog..you're insight is very helpful! 🌞🌻😊♥️
Shyness is seperate from introversion but you can have shyness too apart from introversion. Introverts are not afraid of people we just like being alone and not in large crowds..shyness is part of anxiety and whether people like you or not. I used to be shy as a youngster.
I agree completely. A lot of it is learned. I didn’t start feeling depressed until I started having negative thoughts about myself and believing them over and over. External factors can contribute to it as well, such as stress. But again, it’s the way you interpret it that leads to the response you’ll have
Possible however I'm leaning towards an I don't think so...you can have both but since Introverts like being Introverts, it's a personality trait not a mental health diagnosis I'm not sure I agree. It's not like Introverts want to be out partying, it's just not us.
Good post Gretel, I have often wondered about this myself.
I would describe myself as a reluctant introvert. I would love to be more socially involved but lack the confidence. I'm quite shy and was withdrawn as a child. My upbringing is one where I was groomed to be invisible and ignored. It suited my Narc mother's needs to be like this. I wish I could be more of myself - my innate personality I guess - but it brings on quite a lot of anxiety to step out of my comfort zone. I often turn down invites to parties or group gatherings which is a relief not to go and alleviates the anxiety I feel about going but doesn't make me feel too happy about myself!
Perhaps if the innate personality matches the behaviour then you are happy about the way you are whether introverted or extroverted or anywhere on the spectrum? My husband enjoys spending time alone but then is good at public speaking and is always up for a party. He wouldn't fit any box really, he does what he enjoys!
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Thanks for sharing, Willow. I too was groomed to be invisible and ignored and my brother's, two older, one passed however, were groomed otherwise as Extroverts. In Italian families the males are treated very different than the females.
I always turn down parties I have friends I like to do things with like watch a movie, grab coffee, walk, shop..if you find me at a party it'll be leaving.
We sound a lot alike
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Yes we do sound similar!!
I enjoy being a lady who lunches with about 5 or 6 friends or colleagues, or doing any of the things you've mentioned as well.
At parties I can't wriggle out of you'll find me offering to wash up or tidy up where I can have a good chin wag in the kitchen with a few people!
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Geez we should have coffee. Message me as to where you live. You sound like my clone
Not necessarily. I think it depends on whether or not fear / anxiety is the driver for not wanting to be the centre of attention. Extroverts can suffer from anxiety, like me.
As long as there is fear, there is anxiety so I don’t think it matters if you like to party or enjoy your own company.
You're right fear is anxiety. Introversion doesn't come from fear or shyness it's your personality trait. However you can be an introvert like me and have anxiety, panic attacks, depression and I used to be shy but I'm not anymore. Introverts are not afraid to go out because that would be characterized as social anxiety, we Introverts just are the way we are. We like to be alone, think and feel a different way than Extroverts do.
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I like being on my own in my own company. I find that not having to overcompensate just to fit in tiresome as much so as I find my anxiety and depression etel
Good point Beevee, I'll need to think about this!
I can only speak for myself in that I wasn't allowed to be myself and was forced into the introverted role. I enjoy meeting people, am interested in society, have sought external validation as my refence point over the years and as the definition suggests I could be that "outgoing, socially confident person" yet I'm not.
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So you can be an introvert with many diagnoses..being an introvert doesn't drive the diagnosis because it's a personality trait not a diagnosis
Yes I totally get it!!!
Thank you Gretel, it's wonderful that you get it!
I feel so terrible that I have to turn down these invites, people get very offended yet it's so triggering for me to step out of the role.
HERE ARE 4 BOOKS INTROVERTS SHOULD READ...
1. Wild by Cheryl Stayed
2. Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
3. The Irresistible Introvert by Michaela Chung
4. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
Happy reading fellow Introverts! ♥️
PS...I'm liking number 3 and think I'll start there...we Introverts are quite the irresistible bunch♥️
I watched something or read something involving introversion/extroversion. The children that grew to be verified introverts seemed to be more reactive or sensitive to their environment. Their instant bodily reaction was fierce. I think it makes sense, even as we grow, that introverts would continue to be naturally sensitive... to seek solace in the known and in controlled environments, if that makes sense.
I am glad that I have kept reading more about it. It can be hard with my personality type (INFP) to nail down who I am or what I’m like. It’s interesting that introverts extrovert their secondary function. For me, I am a (1st function) feeler and a (2nd function) intuitive. In the outer world with ppl, I extrovert that intuition (info-gathering, spend time decision making, seeking meaning). In the inner world, i introvert feeling (making decisions based on how I feel, in tune with my personal values, analyze causes and emotional responses in others, seek to understand others).
So... I’ve spent a lot of time being emotional in torment and indecisive. 😂💕
Possible Correlations:
1. Introverts isolate. Sometimes, introverts have difficulty maintaining relationships, due to their nature. Community can help reassure and involve introverts in physical activities.
2. Introverts hold in their thoughts. I think if an introvert doesn’t express themselves somehow, if they don’t feel comfortable, they are more susceptible to continued anxiety and depression. This is true especially if their thought patterns are harmful - it’s harder to identify or change those when they aren’t being said.
3. Introverts, where I live, are not the normal. My culture celebrates extroversion. Introverts can experience feeling unusual or out of place and misunderstood. Adapt to survive, right? No, I think we abandon taking care of ourselves, not knowing how. We don’t have that self-acceptance unless it’s been taught?
I could make a similar list for extroverts. Their need for people causes them to be stressed out or severely lacking whenever they aren’t getting the social interaction. They need others to pay attention to them. They have a difficult time winding down and relaxing after being around people. They express themselves freely and end up with the consequences or regrets of what they’ve done. They easily choose to associate and continually spend too much time with certain ppl. Idk.
What causes introversion and extroversion? Is it merely personality or is it a scale that shifts due to our experience?
Does your personality, your goals, your behavior and others behavior towards you align? I think for anyone when we experience a mismatch of those, mental health problems persist.
Sometimes, we don’t get what we need. I think that with introverts... it might be more often.
For me, it definitely was. I don’t think I was understood. I have an intense need to be heard and spoken with one-to-one and to allow emotions to be felt. My mom wouldn’t listen to me, she’d scream at me, and my emotions were an inconvenience if not harmful to her apparently. Um, so my personality or introversion became a place of me being stuck and not getting the support or love I needed. I hated who I was and how it was failing me.
As an introvert, I can be happy to decline an invitation out because I’d rather be at home. Yet, because I am socially anxious imbedded with insecurity, I can also feel the guilt and social expectation that leaves me torn between two options: go or don’t go. Imagine wanting to go everywhere all the time. Wild.
Yes, No, Maybe... I don’t know? Anything is possible...
Introverts share a lot of common ‘traits’ that someone like myself have as a ‘symptoms’ of my social anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder and my friend the good old agoraphobia.
Whether someone seeks medical advice of patterns of behaviour are seen in the school/work environment or the person mentions it to their regular Doc/GP then it could be diagnosed, of course there are methods of diagnoses.
Upon further note, if help is not sort then the only way would be someone who is being seriously effected or held back by crushing anxiety.
I'm the only introvert in my immediate family this being said people do not serm to understand me. For one mental illness runs high in both sides of my family but my demons are basically from my childhood 🙁. I try to speak up for those who are quiet and introverted and feeling like others are picking fun. Great food for thought. Interesting. 💙💜
Thank you for sharing. I'm the only Introvert in my family which is quite large and full of loud mouth Italians and I mean that in a good way, it's just not my style. I'm a quiet, Introverted nature and animal lover. I love floating around a pond in a canoe with my friend.
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