Can’t take anymore

[weegmack]

I’m done. Lost all hope. My anxiety over this pandemic has morphed into the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. Our lives have just stopped. My husband has been working for several weeks from home. He is impatient and unkind. I have two daughters, 18 and 20. None of us are getting along. We fight all the time. My 20 year old was living with her boyfriend at uni, but his mum insisted they come home and they have been apart for 9 weeks. She is so miserable and depressed. I’m so worried about her. We are in week 7 of lockdown and the FM of Scotland has no desire to lift the lockdown.

There’s nothing to get up for anymore. I just don’t want to get out of bed and I have lost all hope that this pandemic will end. God is silent and I’m losing all faith in Him.....He is watching and doing nothing as people die, suffer, lose jobs, as families break up, as futures are ruined.

We’re all taking time out. Getting out for walks, trying yoga, tai chi. There’s enough room in the house for us all to retreat to if own space if we need to. We’re FaceTiming friends and family. If I colour in another colouring book, I think I’ll go insane. I’m sick of reading too.

I genuinely see no point in living. The world has become a place I don’t want to be. I don’t think it’s a good place for my daughters, either, as all I can see is that they’ll suffer. My youngest has worked incredibly hard to get into a very competitive course at Glasgow Uni and now that’s even in doubt. Something really traumatic happened to us as a family where we live and we are desperate to move house. My youngest literally can’t wait to get into her accommodation and leave here. Our plan was to get the house on the market now and move, now that school is no longer an issue. But we can do nothing.

I spend all day avoiding the news, adverts about covid, social media.....everything is so triggering I almost fainted the other day. I’ve been through some difficult times, but this is more than I can bear. Most of my life has been an experience of pain, suffering, emotional abuse, death, chronic mental and physical illness. We’ve been the victims of a serious crime too. I just about cope, but this pandemic has finished me off. I just don’t want to live if this is what life is going to be like. I don’t want this for my daughters.

I am in therapy - every Thursday via Zoom. It’s expensive and a slow process. I’ve been in therapy most of my adult life. I’m medication resistant. That phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a load of BS. I’m done 😞

[Eagle12]

I'm so sorry that you are having a difficult time. This pandemic will end. We will come out of it stronger and wiser. Your children will have a chance to make their dreams come true. We will go back to worrying about the little things. The bad feels like it will last forever but it always ends. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now.

[PastelPink20]

It has been a difficult awful sort of couple months... unprecedented with global impact. Mental illness everywhere has been exacerbated.

I’m sorry you’re experience conflict in your home. It’s easy to get “stir-crazy” and just want everything to go back to normal.

God has his Word that’s He’s written to speak to us. I mean, He doesn’t change. It’s us, our perspective, our hearts that turn away from Him. I find, in times when I’m not in the mood, even just having gospel music playing in the background makes a difference.

1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; - Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

It sounds like you are making an effort to deal with all this! You are trying new things and attempting to spend time together. You are remaining in contact with those you love! You’re going to therapy online! Those are good things.

I want to tell you: this too will pass. This pandemic is different than H1N1 or SARS, but, I still think it helps to think of this as a temporary situation.

Have you seen “Some Good News”? youtube.com/channel/UCOe_y6... I find watching this lifts my spirits. It’s important to remind ourselves of the good things in life. I like to think of it as chasing joy or fighting for a good moment in the midst of all this terribleness... it’s a fight.

Look, your situation sucks. You’re worried. You’ve been dealt sour lemons in life. Your daughters are going through stuff. Your husband isn’t helping. You wanted to move because of the crime but now you can’t. You’re mentally, emotionally, and physically worn down.

But you’re still trying. But you love your daughters and can support them. But you’re doing your best and dang it, let’s acknowledge that.

I don’t know exactly what it’s like for you. And anything I say or think has limitations. We’re different people. I know what it’s like to feel angry at God and to be so depressed, hopeless, without energy to live or fight.

You have choices to make. You have power over your own life, to a certain degree. You’re in therapy to learn how to deal with stuff - sounds like you’ve been in therapy awhile. Are you using what you’re learning during the week? Whatever coping mechanism or perspective shift or therapy homework ?

I don’t know. It’s like, you can sit down and bawl and break down. You can curl up into a ball and lay in bed and dread your day. Do it! Let it out. It might be more than you take. But then, you’ve got to pick yourself up. You’ve been finding a reason and a way to continue on with your days - remind yourself of them. Rely on things that make it easier for you to get up.

If it’s music, if it’s coffee, if it’s a tv show, if it’s a hobby, if it’s a puzzle - I guess, do things that you enjoy or that you used to/could enjoy. (I know it’s hard to enjoy anything when you’re depressed. So it just becomes doing things because you should or need to, not based on how you feel). It sounds like you’ve already been making efforts to do things like this though!!

I think that life is worth fighting for. I think that our perspectives can be changed and we have to speak truth into our lives... or else we are listening to lies that break us down.

It helps to have a routine, to go outside, to get exercise, to eat right, to do something you enjoy, to journal (positive thankful things), and all that. I’d recommend, journaling that focuses on changing your perspective. Like deciding to type or write out a positive thought or a hopeful thought or something you’re thankful for to replace the bad stuff. You’ll still be dealing with what’s going on in your life. But all those constant negative thoughts and fears will be fought against. Your subconscious won’t succumb to those old patterns as quickly. You’ll be able to remind yourself.

I wish you the best on your mental health journey. I know it’s a lot to manage. You’ve got this! You have it in you to keep going and make small steps. Each day is a new day and each day forward is progress.

24 The LORD bless you and keep you; 25 the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; 26 the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. - Numbers 6:24-26

💕💕💕

[CourageousCloud]

I'm so sorry things are so very difficult for you and your family. You probably feel responsible for all life's downward turns even though most or all of it is not your fault. I'm thinking you are an incredibly sweet and compassionate person who worries about everyone and wants everyone to be okay. Please don't give up because the world needs people like you.

[weegmack in reply to CourageousCloud]

Thank you for your very kind comment ♥️. I do just want everyone to be ok, but I just can’t make that happen anymore. Everything feels so bleak and pointless. I just don’t have the strength to keep going 😞