Am I annoying?: Anyone else's spouse... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Am I annoying?

Heavyboulder81 profile image
9 Replies

Anyone else's spouse/significant other/partner throw back in your face how many times you've said such things like "I can't handle it anymore" or "I'm done"? As if to make it seem like you're being annoying with all your "problems". Asking for a friend...

Ok, that friend is me.

Am I being annoying?

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Heavyboulder81 profile image
Heavyboulder81
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9 Replies
amberbily profile image
amberbily

I do not believe you are annoying at all. I think who every says that to you just doesn’t understand anxiety and depression. They don’t take the time to find out exactly what you are dealing with. Anxiety and depression is a sickness, it’s a chemical imbalance and so many people don’t understand. My husband is one of them. However, he’s been much better. Actually, for that very reason is why I’ve signed up here. Because we understand and we can support each other! You are NOT annoying!!!

saracar profile image
saracar

Usually people say those phrases when they are angry at someone or about something. In this case it is not annoying but just means you are really frustrated in the moment. If so, I would say try taking a break and cooling off. But, that’s my experience. I used to get angry more than I do now.

amberbily profile image
amberbily in reply tosaracar

I do agree. My husband brings those phrases up when we are having an argument or disagreement. He almost always apologizes.

fauxartist profile image
fauxartist

Often others don't understand or want to hear others problems, especially if the person seems stuck and unable to change what it is in their life that has them stuck. Being in the problem is one thing....moving to being in the solution is allowing the change you need to get out of the problem happen. Finding what you need to do to move forward is not easy, and often when we are stuck we need help, and it's usually from a therapist, or other professional that understands what your going through in a non judgemental way.

Daesin profile image
Daesin

Ok freaky timing....... maybe it's his frustration over the fact that he can't do anything to help. Typically when you talk to a guy about something bothering you he thinks you want an answer, a solution. Does he have information or education on your specific issues? All he knows is that the woman he loves is struggling and he can't do anything about it.

Just a thought.....it's actually what my hubby said during an argument today. It made sense but I'm still mad.

Blessings to all.

PastelPink20 profile image
PastelPink20

My sister can be annoying. She’ll straight up tell me I’m annoying.

The difference is my sisters and I laugh at each other and kind of accept we bug each other on purpose. We accept each other’s flaws... sometimes begrudgingly. But, there’s a consistence forgiveness that we give each other. Our fights maybe last 2 days.

Romantic relationships are different. They’re more consuming I know.

I don’t know quite exactly what to say.

I’d like for you to be in a relationship where you can discuss your problems, their problems, both of your problems as a team, and collaborate on addressing or solving them. Where you’re appreciated and heard and laugh together. Where he/she/they can be annoyed at you or you them, but that isn’t unbearable. Not: A screaming match. A silent treatment. A bitter argument that drags on until they’re exploding about other small things. A conversation with them that loops back to this problem of “you always...”

Now, sometimes I know I can be sensitive or excessive and my partner does need space to think or process or whatever. Or they’re stressed about work and it’s making them extra reactive. Overall, we want the things we say that we shouldn’t have to be like an occasional thing where we grow from it? If that makes sense? Like process through it in order to better communicate in the future?

Like we don’t want the those things to be continual patterns that create a life filled with toxicity.

I know that’s like the ideal.

I guess, it’s about how they treat you in the middle and how you both get to the end of the fight. How you heal.

Abusive relationships are awful.

It helps to have other people who know you or a therapist who can help listen to your situation and evaluate it and help give you the tools (to think about yourself, work with and/or treat your spouse, maintain how you deserve to be treated, or whatever).

Wish you the best

💕💕💕

2bewellforu profile image
2bewellforu

I was in a relationship in which he couldn't emotionally be there for me. He didn't express feelings easily, but even when I was suicidal he didn't even try to help. I was with him through my last 5 yr. episode, but wasn't getting better in that situation. If he can't be there for you, then don't risk your mental health by staying there

weegmack profile image
weegmack

I hear you. I’m in a marriage like this. My husband has never had any patience for mental health issues and he basically can’t stand being around me now. Obviously, the pandemic has made my anxiety disorder and depression SO much worse and I am definitely really annoying my husband. He tells me I’m “ridiculous” and “running down rabbit holes”. He sighs and puts his head in his hands. So I have to bottle it all up and not tell him ever how I feel, because if I do, I get ridiculed and lectured. All this is doing is making me hate him.

Carjul60 profile image
Carjul60

I can't have any type of sensible conversation with my husband. He is retired and I am still working full time, however, I have been off since 23/03/20, as he is deemed to be high risk because of asthma. You would think he would be pleased to have a bit of company other than just the dogs, but all he does is moan. I try to start a conversation in the morning by saying something like "what are we going to do today then". Innocent as far as I am concerned, and not loaded in any way at all. However, he just goes off on one saying things like "I'm trying to eat my breakfast at the momment, so get off my back and stop bullying me". It was just a conversation, in no way was I saying that he had to do certain things and I certainly wasn't bullying him. All I wanted was to have a light easy conversation and see how he fancied spending the day. We can't exactly do a lot anyway as we can't leave home. Basically, everyday after breakfast we walk the dogs in the field beside our bungalow. Nobody else us ever there, so you would think that it would be easy to stroll around the field just chatting easily, but no, whatever I say, I am either nagging, bullying or trying to cause trouble. This is not the case at all, I am trying to guage his mood and see if there is anything that he particularly wanted to do that day. He will then create problems over the dogs, saying she's trying to do this or he's trying to do that. They are just being dogs enjoying their morning walk. He gets ratty with them if they stop to sniff aound, if they go behind him they are trying to slip their collar or they ae trying to trip him up. He is completely doing my head in and I just wish that I could go back to work most of the time. I daren't speak if he's watching something on television. If I do I am nagging again or trying to spoil the programme for him. It's got to the stage where I feel like I just have to get on with jobs round the house and not speak at all. i don't know how much more of this I can take, everything I do is wrong and everything I say is either bullying him or he twists my words to cause trouble. I really am beginning to wonder if all this is really worth it.

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