I hate myself: I am now a fat girl. At... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I hate myself

28 Replies

I am now a fat girl. At 53 it finally happened to me. Perimenopause and quitting smoking did me in. I’ve gained over 20lbs in the last 6 months. I am now officially fat. I have a disgusting gut, a fat ass and huge thighs. I make myself sick. The more I obsess about what goes Iny mouth the more I eat. I think nothing is more disgusting than fat people. I am only about 6 pounds from lower level obesity. I want to kill my self.

Please no diet tips- I grew up with a dieting mother who was good or bad depending on what she ate. A freezer full off weight watchers entrees and a box of Suzy Qs under her bed.

I’m just ranting and don’t mind comments so long as they are not diet and exercise tips. I’m well aware of them

28 Replies
fauxartist profile image
fauxartist

wow....I'm fat and old...and frankly....it's just the way it is....I'm in my mid sixties...and my mobility with my knees and shoulders from a lifetime of hard labor, and a car accident damaging my neck has left me with limited movement. My partner doesn't care about superficial trivial things like that, they love me because of me. I have to say that if I am very sorry to hear someone say they hate fat people because there are so many of us with a few extra pounds on this site, who already have depression,and battle self esteem, it's not helpful to hear such hateful words....normally I would blow off comments like that....but that's a bit harsh. Being that hard on yourself is not helpful....just be mindful that our bodies change with menopause, age, and it's okay to do what your comfortable with to change what your not happy with....but don't beat yourself up over it.

in reply to fauxartist

Yes but I’m directing them at myself! I’ve always been slim and pretty. I haven’t been a size two since I was forty but I kept in the 8’s. Now my 12’s are gonna be too small if I get any bigger!

It’s always been nice being pretty. Lots of attention, free stuff, cuts in lines, help when you need it. Now that’s all over, and I’m super embarrassed to be fat. See you’ve got 10 years on me! And I know I was blessed before . And it is superficial. Unfortunately I don’t know any other way to be. And I don’t judge anyone as harshly as I do myself. Not at all.

fauxartist profile image
fauxartist in reply to

we are our own worst critics....but you cannot go down that road for too long....it's just too hard to get off of after a while....just flow with the process of coming up with how to be comfortable with doing what you want to do to get your extra pounds off, and don't put so much into it, relax....get into a groove of swimming or walking, something that also makes you feel good emotionally. I garden, and go on day trips to walk around different historical or botanical sites....we're going mushroom hunting next week..all of those things are fun and good for the waist line....but I don't worry about it only for the sake of my heart and mobility....that's why I keep moving. My beach baby days are long gone.... and I'm okay with that too.

in reply to fauxartist

Thank you! That’s good advise to get my attitude adjusted. It really helps that I’m not alone. I appreciate your answer

fauxartist profile image
fauxartist in reply to

right on sista....you mind yourself now....never stop loving the beauty inside...it's what most people see first.

Krazie profile image
Krazie in reply to

Meow, I can relate to what you say. I, too, was once slim and pretty. I, too, once commanded attention the moment I walked into a room. Even a sack dress looked great on me. It was easy to get guys to do things for me, that I couldn't do - like move furniture, etc.

Menopause brought a few extra pounds, but I was blessed with a great complection that didn't seem to age. The years moved on, and the pounds in. I was in the construction store the other day, and requested a board I wanted to buy be cut to the size I needed. The store clerk refused to do it. Said he was only allowed one cut. I knew this to not be true, and thought of days gone by, when the guy would have been thrilled to cut as much as needed. Sigh......

I look at the younger girls and ladies, and I think - now is their time to shine. One day, it will be their turn to move aside, just as it is mine today. I am okay with being a size 14, just newly reduced from size 16. It's okay if my hair is silver. Never mind if I don't turn heads. I had my day in the sun (so to speak). The things I have gained with age, I wouldn't trade for all the good looks and youth in the world. Maturity, wisdom, forgiveness, self-acceptance, and most of all the ability to cope with the debilitating psychotic depression and anxiety I once suffered to such a great degree.

I feel as if I have entered a new realm of life. Life is a journey that has taught me so many things. I am content to be where I am today.

in reply to Krazie

You are me with a better attitude !!!! I’ve thought the same, like at the store. I too am light on the wrinkles , and my hair is highlighted blonde but the weight . It doesn’t help that I was raised that “you can never be too thin “

I have the psychotic anxiety and depression too, that even at my prime, I still had. Thanks for answering

Krazie profile image
Krazie in reply to

Meow, i am so sorry that you are continue to have problems with the psychotic depression and anxiety. That is so horrible it can't even be described adequately. I found that avoiding stress and eating more fruits and veggies lessened the impact, a lot. Also, making sure that I get enough sleep. Even if I have to knock myself out. For now 10 mg of Melatonin, along with the Gabapentin I take for nerve pain, is enough. There are other things I do, too, but I won't get into it now.

i am sending hugs and blessings to you, dear one!

in reply to Krazie

Thank you 🙂🙂🙂🙂

Girl, I am a size 14 & proud. It hurts my heart that you’re calling yourself fat like that makes you not pretty. Fat doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful. I’ve never let my weight dictate anything. Yes, I have to work out in order to keep myself in shape. Yes, I can’t eat what other people can without gaining weight. I’m still a beautiful girl, just with a little more meat on her bones. I hope that you start to really see yourself as the beautiful woman that you are. Fat is just a word. Hope this helped.

in reply to

It does! Thank you for your support

in reply to

You’re welcome! BBW’s unite! Hahaha! BBW means big beautiful women! <3 Have a fabulous dayyyyy!!!!!

in reply to

Back at ya!

David0987 profile image
David0987

Hi there. Ive also gained 20 lbs in the last year and am struggling with that myself. As a man we don't get judged like women do but the weight thing still plagues me mentally and only feeds the depression. I also find myself giving up, eating more, and sometimes drinking more too and that only compounds the problem. I wish I could support you in the same way as some of these other posters could but I'm in a similar spot and struggling also. Just thought you might want to know you're not alone on this when it comes to men too....

in reply to David0987

It does help! I truly was feeling suicidal, figuring if I took all my meds at once, would it work? Thanks to all the support here, I realize how ridiculous it would be !

Numb5000 profile image
Numb5000

I'm going thru the same thing. Down to one pair of pants, tie my shoelaces sideways, can't believe it's really me in pictures. The camera must add 50 lbs., i tell myself.

The only good thing is that it doesn't have to be permanent, like Alzheimer's or something. Can you imagine if what you gain is steadfast and undoable, forever?

Not gonna harp. I will tell you this (though i know you don't want advice but...)Phentermine works WONDERS. I just started it and it's like a miracle. Down 4.5lbs in one week.

Keep your chin up and remember, whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.😉😉

in reply to Numb5000

That’s a great weight loss medication! I took it a few years ago when I started college & gained what we like to call the freshman 15! Lol I lost 30 pounds in two months! Good luck on your journey to a healthier you! 😘

in reply to Numb5000

Where do you get that?

Numb5000 profile image
Numb5000 in reply to

My psychiatrist prescribes. It's prescription only, but I think there are knock offs you can order. Not sure how safe they are tho.

in reply to Numb5000

Is weight loss just a welcome side effect? What’s it’s on label use? I have quite a few diagnoses so it may be fit for me

Please consider the impact your words have on others who are reading them. You can say what you want about yourself, but to speak this way globally is unkind.

in reply to

I’m sorry. I am only talking about my own issues. I was just looking at my home page MSN..... all sorts of diet and fitness .....50 year old celebrities who are not overweight in the least. ..... who can blame my feeling how I do?

I’m a size 12, always was hard on myself about weight. Now I don’t judge myself on that. I am healthy and my inner self is my most important concern, who I am as a person and how I treat others. I had a major spiritual experience the past year and in sum, this whole life is about love. It’s about pure love for who we are and who others are.

horizonwatch profile image
horizonwatch in reply to

Your comment was awesome, lynnalice. Could you share your spiritual experience? Totally agree it's about pure love for who we are and who others are. But how do I have pure love for people such as by brother's emotionally abusive girlfriend, for example, who is really hurting him emotionally and I feel is taking advantage of him? Not sure how to have love for people who hurt those I care about, or who hurt anyone. I'd love your guidance!

Want2BHappy3 profile image
Want2BHappy3

I'm fat myself at 63, Im the last person to give diet tips so don't worry not happening. I'm miserable too being the way that IAM. I love menopause, no hot flashes, periods, I'm a very calm person, where anything would set me Off.

Anxiety is what's doing me in, when ever I'm feeling ok, I still feel like something wrong going to happen? And it did, my landlord raised my rent almost $200 a month and also wants me to buy property insurance. I'm living on SSI and my retirement savings, which I've half spent. I did lose 50 pounds because of my anxiety, I can barely eat, that I get scared maybe making my situation Worse. Thing is when I'm feeling better I make up for all the eating I didn't do. So the only advice I'd give you is to seek counciling. Hugs

Beauty987 profile image
Beauty987

Have you had your thyroid and hormone levels checked since you went through menopause? I was always thin and it was fairly easy for me to keep my weight under control. But then menopause hit and I gained about 15 pounds. Nothing I did worked. I could starve myself all day and eat a salad for dinner and not loose an ounce. I went to a holistic dr. (they are usually more open to checking hormones, etc. than a traditional dr.) She put me on Armour thyroid and a natural progesterone cream. I am almost the size I was in my 30's. And I feel so much better, more energy, less anxiety, etc.

Also I read the book The Hormone Cure by Sara Gottfried. It really helped me to diagnose what was going on in my body. I learned a long time ago that I had to know my own body because doctors don't have the time to spend getting to know me. I am with me 24/7. I would journal my symptoms when I was going through menopause, try new supplements, etc. and record what was going on.

Just don't hate yourself. You are more valuable than a number on the scale.

in reply to Beauty987

I think I will ask my Doctor. Thank you

🤗

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