Help With Reconnecting and Mending

[Tubley]

My husband and I have been married for the last 30 years. We love each other very much; he is a caring and supportive man and my best friend. For the last few years though, he has been struggling with low testosterone issues and a lowered libido as a result of it. I have never had the highest sex drive to begin with so life continued to go on as normal, for the most part. I have helped him through this issue but in the past, before his lowered testosterone issues began, most of our fights were because of my low sex drive and the fact that I didn't initiate sex. We have learned to resolve these issues as time went by and he learned to accept that my language of love is expressed through other acts and not just our sex life. It's not like we never have/had sex, it is just much lesser than he would have liked/like it to be. Recently, (about a week ago) he reached out to me at night while I was asleep and he says I slapped his hand away. He has now decided that he is tired of being rejected by me and although he will love me for the rest of our lives, he will not expect sex from me or intiate it in any way. He will not touch me while we are asleep in case he gets aroused. We still hug and kiss each other during the day but he will not reach out to me at night AT ALL. We are both cuddlers and I feel incomplete without touching him at night. He says he is fine with me cuddling up to him but he will not touch me.

It is much more than that though as I feel he has meted out a punishment in this relationship without me being a part of a decision that we should have both made together. I feel our relationship is broken and althouth I have tried to talk to him about it, he will not listen to my point of view. To be fair, his point of view is that he doesn't want to get hurt by me again; if he doesn't expect sex from me, my refusal or "rejection" cannot hurt him. I am expected to live with this decision that he has made on his own.I haven't had the courage to initiate sex because I don't know how he will react. Things are normal on the surface but I can't sleep at night because I feel we are growing further apart. I don't want things to fester too much and become worse.

[Sprinkle1]

Sounds to me like you both need to talk to your Dr's. When my desire left me, I was put on a hormone that contained testosterone, it worked. So I would think his Dr. could prescribe something for his flagging libido. Do not give up, a love like you have is enviable and should be carried on in your lives. Been there, done that.....Sprinkle 1.....

[Hidden]

Both of you need to discuss this with your GP, It may be He has now got an excuse not to perform with you, because of your rejection. of Him. However the real reason will most probably feel unable to perform and has used the tap on the hand as you do not want Him.

In other words, sex is a chore and He feels inadequate so the tap has given Him an excuse not to fulfill sexual needs, of you both.

There are various treatments that can help, also there may be something wrong and feels He cannot fulfill your needs. A possible joint agreement, that was made by the both of you

BOB

[Dave_H]

If you haven't already tried it, I would recommend couples counseling. The therapist can mediate between you and hopefully won't be biased one way or the other. In the 9th year of my marriage, I could sense that she was moving towards a divorce. I was the one who brought up the idea of couples counseling. All you can do is ask him if he would be willing to try. There are a lot of marriage/family counselors out there who specialize in this area. As to the other posters I agree that part of this could be hormonal; I myself am on testosterone supplementation, but mostly for my depression. Low testosterone in a man can manifest itself in many forms. I just think you both need the help of a professional that can create an environment which both of you find safe to express what's going on and get their guidence/feedback. Best of luck to you.