Help

[DanielH76]

I’m struggling so much at the moment. Every day I feel like I want it all to end. My wife and I are getting divorced. I have lost my wife, my house, my car, my money, i only see my children once a week and I have nothing to look forward to anymore. They say there is someone out there for everyone. I have just lost her and I can’t cope! I don’t know where to turn anymore

[jahjue]

You can read Psalm 1. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel and rainbow after the rain. Praying is always helpful if you’re a believer. Don’t give up it will be better one day.

[DanielH76 in reply to jahjue]

Thank you but I’m really not a believer but I do really appreciate your reply to me and the sentiment

[c-mac]

Man, it sounds like you're in the hardest part of some of the hardest stuff a guy can go through. I'm glad you're here and letting us know about it.

It's all probably too much to figure out right now, so you have our permission not to try to fix everything, but just take good care of yourself for the moment, do the things you know will make you feel better. That's most important right now. Things like writing us! I also like to write how I feel down in a notebook -- that always makes me feel better.

[DanielH76 in reply to c-mac]

Thank you. I wish I could think of things that do make me feel better. One of them was trying to cure depression with buying things and that has ended up putting me into more debt especially now during lockdown as I’m self employed! I really feel like there is nothing to look forward to at all and even seeing my 2 young kids, who I love to pieces, seems like a hassle and I hate feeling like that

[c-mac in reply to DanielH76]

Dude, I hear you about trying to buy your way out of depression. (I'm bipolar so I buy when I'm hypomanic, too. Sucks.)

I've found watching a comedian's performance on Netflix sometimes helps to thaw the ice a little bit. Just thinking about it right now, I think reading something fun really helps me, too. Thinking back to the last locked up despair I was in, and I set aside my lunch hour every day to read goofy sci-fi books. I think it helped me to feel like I can affect my moods for the better all by myself. Thinking about it from that point of view, what kinds of things would help you?

[DanielH76 in reply to c-mac]

At the moment tv, and yes comedies, have been my staple diet during the lockdown although I often end up watching a depressing film for some reason! I am trying to read something funny but I struggle to concentrate and end up having to read the page more than once!! I started a couch to 5k running system today to see if that was going to help at all. I’m very unfit at the moment so it may help although my legs tonight are saying otherwise!!

Thank you for responding. It has helped to talk to someone tonight

[c-mac in reply to DanielH76]

No problem, man. I wish something would happen that would get me to run 5k!

[Hidden in reply to DanielH76]

I use running a lot. It does help me with my anxiety, maintaining my weight, gets me out of the house for an hour, helps me view things in the world from a different lens if only a short time... so Win Win for me.

I came here to say to you, I’m deeply sorry for what you are going through, I know all of this is very difficult. You are in good company here.

[DanielH76 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I’m gonna give the running a go especially now it’s warmer but not sure yet if I’m gonna enjoy it. We will see. Appreciate your message.

[Mcats]

Hi, hang in there. I've been to that place many times, where I feel like I've tried everything and I'm so alone. Like there's something wrong with me and I don't know where I'm going. All I see is problems. Exercise helps me a lot, and actually even just going outside for 5 mins usually changes my mindset just a little. The last time I had a big struggle, I binge-watched Hallmark movies and watched Simon's Cat on YouTube. And I even ate junk food. But at least I was eating something. I tried not to judge what I was doing and just go with whatever was making me feel good. I'm glad you shared, you help me feel not so alone too.

[DanielH76 in reply to Mcats]

Junk food is another thing that’s getting me through especially chocolate!! Thanks for me the message. I’m glad I shared too

[HopeforJustice]

You do have something to live for... your children. Be grateful that you have the opportunity to see them once a week. That is more than most non-resident dads see their kids. Rediscover yourself. Make yourself more interesting to others and you will be happier once you heal from the divorce. Divorce is like death. It sucks and it hurts. Why would you want your children to live with the guilt if you decided to end your life? Your children did not decide to be born, you put them here and it is your job to see to it that they have a proper education and a happy father. Enough with the pity party. Suicide is a selfish act as a parent with young children. This horrible feeling will pass. Seek help, call the hotline, talk to a therapist. Check yourself into a facility if you need treatment. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Millions of people are divorced. If those millions of fathers killed themselves with children, we would have lots of suffering and children's lives ruined forever.

If you are drinking, stop, throw it all away. If you smoke, stop, focus on good health. If you need to improve your job skills, take some online courses. If you like dancing, signup for a dance class, everything is online now. Keep yourself so busy you won't have time to be depressed. You have too much free time to worry. Change the channel from negative thoughts to positive thoughts. Tell yourself three things you are grateful for today and tomorrow do it all over again.

Be well,

Hope

[1973m]

Hi , I’m responding because I too have lost my home , it was beautiful. My family, my pets ... my husband ( through choice at the time ) he was a hard working man but mentally abusive towards me and possibly contributing to my anxiety as he’d make me feel like I was walking on eggshells. There were other factors but after 25 years I gave up ! I sorted a rental.. I got a second job, extra hours at my main job . It’s hard and it’s lonely.. I have meltdowns , regret, guilt but I’m hoping with the help of my parents, sister , amazing friends and a new man in my life things will get better.. I miss my children every single day 19& 17 to be honest and they stayed with him .. I see them sometimes but having been a mum For 19 years day in day out and going to nothing it’s so hard ! I’ve had a few occasions where I wanted to end it !! What is the point ?? but Then I see a bird or the sunshine, the trees budding up and I think I’m privileged. It is especially hard right now with lockdown.. I agree I miss working and seeing people.. I make myself get up at the same time and make plans for the day ie shower , clean the kitchen.. have a coffee.. always pencil in a walk or run ( I don’t run ) but I hear couch to 5k is fab ! Lunch break then another job .. ring a friend or my kids ..

structure is key and keeping occupied. Plan your evening meal . You are important, you are a dad a son .. a brother maybe.. you mean something to your children, you really do .. plan a fun activity for when they come like a treasure hunt or finding things beginning with a certain letter .

You will have low moments , low hours , low days .. but it will ease . It will get better. Time and lots of patience and more positivity. We are here .. use the site lots. Take comfort in that you are never alone.. someone will always respond on here . Look after yourself.. you are a good person and the light will shine again 😊