Intro

[Fumm]

Hey,

So I’m seeing a new therapist, and he suggested I find an online social anxiety support group, since I can’t really meet anyone right now cause of the virus. Not that I could have before anyways, since I’m socially awkward. I have 2 friends but no one I can really connect with emotionally. Everyone else either ditched me or tried to fix me and gave up.

I’m also diagnosed bipolar type 2 and currently on Lithium and Trazadone. Don’t know if they are working, but I do feel less sad nowadays. Also feel less motivated to do things as well. That might be due to age or giving up cause I’ve failed so many times.

Been a sort of job-hopper because I either don’t really care for the work or I got fired for not playing the politics game. I applied to pharmacy school a few years back and got offered interviews, but I decided not to go. Think my stint at 3M, broke me mentally because I was being ignored and given no work. Part of it is my fault for trying not to fit in.

Now, I’m working as a physical therapy aide to work on my soft skills. I program when I’m home because my new passion is the tech field. Think this one is it. Just feels weird that I have to lie about pursuing PT while I’m at work.

I just want to be happy again, not afraid of a conversation, and to become a coder. Anyways, hello again everyone.

[zperry4]

Hey welcome, everyone on here is an angel so you’re in the right place. Why do you think youre awkward exactly? And what else makes you unhappy, do you think?

[Fumm in reply to zperry4]

Hey, thanks for checking in.

Grew up having to do something all the time. School, part-time job, piano, band, basketball team, martial arts, and lifting at the gym. Although fun, I didn’t get a chance to really socialize. So once I got to college and the work force, I couldn’t tell if someone was being sarcastic, joking, or being a dick. That sort of thing. I broke and got addicted to gaming and would lock myself up in my room for days. Japanese call a person like that: Hikikomori. Or we just call it “being a loser,” lol.

I’m generally unhappy with not being successful career-wise and haven’t been in a relationship in 5 years. I scare away people as soon as I open my mouth.