How to get over a bad memory?

[Thealchemist99]

I was very hesitant lately to come up with this subject. But i'm relieved that no one knows me here and i can express anything i feel with no judgement. I'm stuck in an incident that happened with me and my boyfriend about 3 months ago. We did an awful thing that is totally prohibited in my culture and religion. I can't get the feeling out of my head and it is placing me in a dilemma between staying with my boyfriend or leaving him for that mistake. I'm being tortured by the thought of that memory and i feel like to want to do it again but i know if i did it i will feel worse than now and i'll get myself killed out of guilt and anxiety. Any help on how to forget this memory and let it go?

[brokenlight]

I’m not sure you can forget the memory

But you can try to be gentle with yourself and follow your intuition

That is your best guide

Best of luck ✨

[Hidden]

I'm sorry that you are feeling the way that you have expressed. I hear you clearly. You are not alone in doing something that felt very good and natural, yet society or others tell you it is not good to do. However, if doing so again is going to make you feel anguish, I would want you to think very hard about doing it again. Maybe right now you need some space from your boyfriend so you can figure out what is best for YOU and YOUR life beyond the immediate feelings of good. The things that come to mind are sex acts and drugs. Some of us have done things we do not want others to know about and that at the same time felt very good. In certain cultures, some of those things cause people to be judged and/or punished very harshly (sometimes death). I understand that. Sometimes we are faced with a balance and we must marshal on lightly after having weighed the options. Only you will be able to decide whether you do that thing again. Stay safe. I wish you some peace today.

[SadMommy]

Everyone has things in their past that they regret. I don't know of a mainstream religion that the supreme power who doesn't forgive. I would pray for strength, guidance and forgiveness (because obviously you feel it was a sin.)

[robbylynnofnm]

I don't know what religion you are following and what "sin" you feel you committed but I do have experience with shame and guilt over something I have done that creeps back up time to time. I will recall it and feel those feelings again and feel paranoid about if other's knew that they would be repelled by it or disassociate from me. I asked my Lord for forgiveness and help in accepting His forgiveness and the strength to move forward knowing I am forgiven. It doesn't mean it doesn't come back to haunt me from time to time. I try and concentrate on the person I am today and acknowledge that all of us sin. Not that that is a cop out and allows us to continue to sin but it is the truth. All of us have done things that we are ashamed of. Others may not have committed your exact "sin" but I can tell you that our conscience is there for a reason and we create it out of our cultural and spiritual beliefs. Whatever form of faith you have surely there is a way to ask for forgiveness or become closer to your superior power by adhering to their commands.

You can't change the past but you can express your remorse and commit to do better and live your live from now on with the commitment to be more faithful to your beliefs. To keep yourself from focusing on your "sin" and relive the shame and guilt over and over again I would definitely express your remorse and shame for having done the said "sin" with your boyfriend and say under no uncertain terms that you won't be doing that again and you don't want to be asked to do it again or tempted to do it again. If your boyfriend isn't supportive and doesn't agree with this I would definitely not stay with him because your values are not the same and shame isn't a good place to live or base a relationship on.

Having someone who values your mental health and good conscience is so important when you build a life together. Intimacy should be healthy and feel safe, consensual and comfortable. Communicating to a partner what you want and need and feel comfortable doing is part of forming a bond of trust. Without this important communication you can't move forward toward a healthy happy future. After communicating this to your boyfriend and making your decision I would make a plan on how to deal with this incident if it comes back into your mind. Replace it with a positive image of yourself and how you have changed. Remind yourself of your plan to become more "faithful" to your faith and adhere to it's values. This might help alleviate your shame and guilt. I hope this helps. Stay safe and know that everyone has something they are ashamed of and moving forward is possible.