Self-Destructive

[IrishVeganFit]

I’m a fairly successful single 36 year old female. I have a great job working with athletes. I have my MBA. I’m well-traveled. I work for everything I have. I’ve made 3 cross-country moves by myself. I make friends everywhere but I feel very alone.

I had this recent epiphany that if I died in my home— no one would know for weeks (we are working remotely at the moment). I’ve lived such an isolated life that without work no one knows if I’m there. I’ve defined myself by my performance shedding people and relationships as I go. Several bad relationships in my past have left me feeling incapable of loving anyone but myself (and my dog). I don’t have a bad family- I just don’t talk to them. They’ve quit reaching out.

I’m selfish and generally unscathed by others feelings. I can’t experience empathy. I try to see things from other people’s point of view but in the back of my mind I’m saying “you’re weak” or “you’re too stupid to understand.” I recognize my character flaws and somehow I still don’t change. I don’t know what to do because my inability to “feel” for others is damaging other people.

I have this whirling storm of self-loathing and anger inside of me and I can’t break out of it. I don’t know what to do. I feel dead inside.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Modern life makes us self sufficient to a fault ?

Idk if you have an underlying condition but it is normal to judge people we all do it all the time ? Especially in your line of work?

Makes me think of the song "people who need people are the luckiest people in the world"

36 was the age that I realised my dreams of making it in actiing weren't going to come true but I thought at least I could be a mum

You are evaluating your situation