Forgiving yourself

Hi...how does one forgive themself for something awful they did to someone (not physical) during mania? I loathe myself for something I did a few years ago and can’t stop thinking about it...so much so that I have considered self harm...though I haven’t. I take sertraline and it is not doing anything.

[CanuckAnon]

Acknowledge the action to that person, acknowledge their feelings, figure out why you reacted that way, how to combat that on future and then forgive yourself by trying to work on it by reducing future episodes. The guilt will lessen over time as you progress with controlling the emotional meltdowns and recognizing triggers.... it’s hard work but really satisfying! It’s not absolute as you can slip up but recognizing them as learning experiences helps too. 😊

[courageovercomfort]

I wish I had the clear answer - but in my experience self forgiveness has been a process. I try to remind myself that I’m human and I make mistakes. When I think about the mistake I made I say “I’m forgiven” or “I forgive you” then try to immediately distract myself. I try to offer the same grace to myself as I grant to others. I just had this thought...what about hold your hand in your heart and say “I forgive you” ?

[Hidden in reply to courageovercomfort]

I love the hold your hand over your heart idea! Thank you,😁

[Reallife72]

Hi. I just wanted to say that I struggle with this as well. I do feel like that obsessing or thinking about it all the time is part of the depression you may still be dealing with. I take a mood stabilizer and don’t have the mania anymore. Of course we can’t undo what has been done. Something I think about is I would never have done those things if I didn’t have a mental illness. Do you struggle with the stigma of it? Like would you tell them you were having a manic episode? Would they understand and would they go and tell others? Those are my worries. Just wondering if you feel that way too.

[Hidden in reply to Reallife72]

Well, I never had a mental illness until I experienced trauma. Had someone had told me 5 years ago that I would do what I did I would have told them that they were crazy. My mania was fueled by trauma. I have never acted this way since. If anything, I am the most responsible person in my family and what I did was totally uncharacteristic of me. I was a well respected professional before I retired right around the time the trauma struck. I told the person I hurt, my brother, and he was actually not really phased by it.

[fauxartist]

If there is an option to make amends...I would try to do that. But don't expect anything in return from that person. Sometimes they won't accept what we have to say, but after we do say our amends, we turn it over,...and it's up to them to accept it or not. Not everyone is magnanimous about being forgiving....some people hold grudges. But that's not your problem...if you have tried...that's all you can do.Then you forgive yourself.

To be stuck in regret makes us sicker. And sometimes the regret about an action becomes a bigger issue to us than it was to the person we may have wronged. But because of our disease...we latch onto a particular issue in our life and make that the reason to feel bad. Sometimes in therapy that's the best way to work through an issue other than confronting the person we offended. You have to decide what's best for you to move on past this.

[hydroplain]

Hello! The feelings you're feeling right now about not being able to forgive yourself with pass and you'll eventually forgive yourself. Its ok, we all have regrets. Keep your head up as best as you can!

I just wanted to comment on the self harm and sertraline that you're taking. If you are bipolar (mania) and you're only on that drug without a mood stabilizer than it could be making you feel worse i.e self harm. I would talk to your doctor about your feelings right now and see what they recommend since you're not noticing any help from your current meds.