Middle Aged, Broke and Fearing Becoming a Burden to Family & Best Friend

[FrozenMustDefrost]

I just have to get this out. I'm BROKE. There is no denying it anymore. Despite previously being a VERY well paid creative, on a career trajectory that should have had me set for life, I am now broke. There were no drugs, no alcohol, just lost my confidence, fell into a "functional" depression, and refused to truly face my reality for years. For nearly 10 years. I didn't work. I lived off of my savings and they are now gone.

I thought, surely, at some point on this decline I would wake up and snap out of it. All last year I just didn't/couldn't face the music, even though I knew the song was going to end real soon. Attempts at looking at job listing would unleash nausea and anxiety, and I would just stop. I wish I pushed myself THEN.

Gratefully my oldest brother has stepped in to help me these past 2 months. It is humiliating. I'm middle aged. Not some kid. He has actual children (college students and recent college grad) that he needs to be taking care of, NOT ME.

I worked in a creative position for decades that really doesn't have transferable skills. I've been out of that world for 10 years and I honestly don't know if I can or even want to step back into it. It's a position that leaves me feeling worthless, desperate and scared.

I'm too mentally exhausted to keep writing. Just wanted to get this primal scream out of me and I didn't want to burden my best friend with more of my moaning.

I have to somehow find the inner strength to get back on my feet again. I may not ever have the life that I had, but I need to be able to support MYSELF. I can not become a burden.

PS: Being middle aged and completely single sucks.

[mrmonk]

Hi FrozenMustDefrost, though I know my situation and experience differ greatly from yours, I just wanted to say that I hear you and can strongly relate to the need for self-sufficiency.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Sorry you are in a bit of a rut and fed up there is hope though

Are you entitled to any benefits? I imagine you wouldn't want hand outs but at least look into it

What about working from home in a creative capacity what about starting a greeting card company I am assuming you are some sort of artist ?

Do you take anything for depression?

Like I said there is always hope