What to do after you get dumped? - Anxiety and Depre...

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What to do after you get dumped?

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So great first date with a past lover, then a message that he thinks we should be acquaintances, not friends. He didn’t like some things I said on the date🤷🏻‍♀️....Not sure how this will trigger my depression but no regrets for trying.

How do you recover after being dumped?

94 Replies
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I am so sorry

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in reply to SHCM

I was excited but it’s better I see now.

SHCM
SHCM
in reply to Hidden

Wait for new opportunities, they will come 😉

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in reply to SHCM

Thank SHCM. I’m gonna wait a bit to recover. My heart doesn’t work that way but I’ll try again 😊💛

Go out with a new guy. So it didn't work out. Good to end it now than later. You'll be fine. His loss!

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in reply to Melhall

Thanks Melhall. I feel that way too. Crying a bit now but I’ll be ok. I don’t get hopeful often. It’s so hard to put myself out there

First of all, it was just a date not a relationship so do not view this as a "dumping". Listen this may not have been intended to be a long term step but just a breakthrough action for you. This is to make you stronger. You deserve real love after all youve been through and that kind of love just doesnt pop up. This shows you, you can do this,you have a lot to offer but that doesnt mean everyine you meet is a "buyer" of your offerings. But there is someone who is. Keep building yourself up, for yourself, then Mr. Right will appear.

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in reply to DJB74

I know your right logically but rejection is so hard emotionally. Staying open, being hopeful, trusting, being honest. This was the first time I did that. I learned something. I need someone with generous compassion that is willing to understand me and ask questions before making assumptions. This was a huge red flag, so I know it is better this way. I’ll get back up. Just gonna cry a bit today. Crying relieves stress right?

DJB74
DJB74
in reply to Hidden

Yes, I do believe there is something therapeutic about vulnerability. I have always been rejected throughout my lk life and just stayed in situations because they were comfortable. I still feel like the real me isnt good enough. When people know the real me they reject me. Thats why it's so important to become comfortable with the real you even if it means you are "alone" 95 percent of the time.

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in reply to DJB74

I agree. I can only be me. I know someone will understand me one day 😁

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to DJB74

Your username is my first name initial & then my sister's first name initial & then our family surname first initial, along with my year of birth. How weird is that! Lol

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in reply to Mijmijkey74

That is very strange but maybe you were meant to see my profile for some reason 😊

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to Hidden

Not you, sorry, but DJB74.

DJB74
DJB74
in reply to Mijmijkey74

Not weird at all. Theres some purpose to all things

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to DJB74

We have a different interpretation of the word weird I think. I don't mean weird as in crazy, but weird as in unusual for me to see.

And what do you suppose the purpose is? 🤔

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in reply to Mijmijkey74

Not sure but I have found this site to be strangely magical with people who are supportive and encouraging and have helped me in such a short time. Maybe that’s the purpose. We were meant to learn from each other

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to Hidden

That I do agree with.

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in reply to Mijmijkey74

Good I’ll look for your posts 😊

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to Hidden

I post more on coma & recovery than in here. More relevant to me right now, but I do suffer also with severe depression, plus not so severe anxiety.

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in reply to Mijmijkey74

I’ve had lifelong depression and anxiety. Managing my symptoms successfully now. Posting here helps

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to Hidden

My depression & anxiety started the moment my birth parents took me home from the hospital and caused such trauma it remains locked in my brain a lot of it because I was to young to talk, only witnessed by being the victim to young to speak, could only cry or withdraw into myself. I was rescued but damage was done, and further damage followed me throughout my life, but I don't take antidepressants, tried many but they are not for me.

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in reply to Mijmijkey74

I manage my depression and anxiety without meds too. I’ve found what works for me. It’s taken a lot of years

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to Hidden

The exact same for me. I have extremely dark days where I can do nothing as feel so deeply depressed & in despair, but I just take care of myself by doing absolutely the minimal I must and I just switch off and rest where as when I took antidepressants in the past, those made me feel even worse and very unwell & suicidal. I still have suicidal thoughts, I always will have them I know that, but they are just thoughts whereas when I took antidepressants they were urges and crazy thoughts. I had to lock myself into rooms so that I didn't kill myself when I was taking antidepressants. Whereas now I just managed it myself without any medication and do what I must to build myself up again.

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in reply to Mijmijkey74

That’s sounds like you know yourself. That is half the battle. Understanding your symptoms and what works. I work on it everyday

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to Hidden

That right. And in many ways I know perhaps not myself well but do know what I need to do to get back on my feet, it's exhausting and by no means easy. Sometimes it can take me months, I'm just coming out of a very dark depressive time right now which I've been battling since before Christmas 2019. I just shut down my body and do nothing apart from necessary basics. Just switch off, and drift away from the mental anguish by permenantly resting & listening to music with earphones in. My sofa becomes my bed and that's where I stay until one day suddenly everything seems brighter again, and my body lighter in weight. And that's when I get up. My counsellor agreed this was the best way for me as did my GP rather than medications. It works for me, it's always there, never goes away, but can manage it, and when it engulfs me, I just switch off and do as already mentioned.

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in reply to Mijmijkey74

I’m glad your managing it

DJB74
DJB74
in reply to Mijmijkey74

I dont know for sure but I dont believe in coincidences. You have hurts obviously. I have hurts I would say were destined to help each other in someway at thee very least

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in reply to DJB74

Your responses have been helpful for sure

DJB74
DJB74
in reply to Hidden

Anytime my friend. Im here. Dont hurt alone. Please

Mijmijkey74
Mijmijkey74
in reply to DJB74

Now I do believe in coincidences. Hahaha

Some things just happen. And there is no explanation/reason. They just happen.

That doesn't however mean I don't believe that some things do happen for a reason. They sometimes do. Just not always.

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in reply to Mijmijkey74

Good I’m glad. This site has a way of connecting me with people I never knew existed and somehow they become good friends. That’s been magical

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in reply to DJB74

I reread your responses today and so true! Over the initial feelings from him ending things and feeling hopeful today for what is to come. I’m bouncing back so much more quickly now😊

DJB74
DJB74
in reply to Hidden

I cant not tell you just how happy I am this didnt set you back. Keep going Warrior.

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in reply to DJB74

Thanks I feel proud and happy this morning! Messaging you all virtual family really helped 💛

DJB74
DJB74
in reply to Hidden

Keep it going. You deserve it and you have no reason not to be happy. Any time you need encouragement just let me know

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in reply to DJB74

Thank you so much! You have really helped me and I only hope I can do the same for you

DJB74
DJB74
in reply to Hidden

You already have by being strong and happy

I’m sorry that sucks! Something you said? Strange for someone who had a great time imo

It’s not you considering I am of course pretty confident that you did not express so called extreme opinions Not that it is wrong if you did. Many people these days I have noticed on twitter especially disagreement of thought equates can not speak to you anymore because echo chambers are much better and your thinking is all wrong. It doesn’t make sense to me.

You are the type of person I would leave my house for to meet for coffee imo. 😊

Please don’t let it discourage you... his loss btw.

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Thanks...I actually feel like I got a bit too comfortable and honest about my life but I figured we knew each other already. Lesson learned and better I know now. I appreciate being able to share all this strange up and down on here. I used to suffer it in secret

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It's been awhile but I use to drown my sorrows in a peanut buster parfait. Now, I've evolved and all that and will settle for a twix bar.

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in reply to Hidden

Food always works but I’m not gonna do it. I cried a bit. Got it out and I’m actually cleaning instead. So weird. This little rejection would have laid me out with my depression in the past

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in reply to Hidden

Good for you! Sounds like you are getting stronger and that is a nice way to be when dating, imho.

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in reply to Hidden

I am better. I posted here! So glad I have all of you 💛

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in reply to Hidden

Thank you for sharing your dating tales with us. You've got more courage than me!

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in reply to Hidden

It’s embarrassing but sharing it makes it sting less. No more hiding is what I always say 😊

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Trial and error.. it's all good.

Sorry it went this way but it's one big step for you. Theres alot of men as there is woman , dont stop here. I've been through this in my early dating days on my first dates. If a woman blew me off it was because I messed up her order. I got her a double quarter pownder when it was suppose to be a fish fillet. And plus we didnt eat inside we were sweating in the car ordering from the drive through...😅🗽

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in reply to Hidden

Lol thanks QuichIsOnFire no wedding this time but I’ll get back on the horse. I feel better💛

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in reply to Hidden

It's ok if there ain't no wedding but how about the buffet does that still stand😉..

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in reply to Hidden

I think that is the most fun part of a wedding any way 😂😂

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That hurts. Well there's a reason for everything. Maybe he's not the one.

Your a beautiful, friendly and nice woman. I am sure you will still find a good guy who would feel the same. :)

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in reply to Hidden

Thank you for that. I know he isn’t for me but no regrets for trying. It was a big step

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in reply to Hidden

True. Thumbs up to your for trying. :)

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in reply to Hidden

Thank you I feel good about it

I'm so sorry to hear about this. How are you feeling?

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in reply to Square251

I’m ok. I cried earlier mostly from confusion but I learned something for next time about how to relay information about my past. I need someone who will accept me flaws and all

Square251
Square251
in reply to Hidden

OK good. Yeah you're right. Good luck next time buddy.

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in reply to Square251

Thanks for checking on me friend❤️

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By going through five stages of grief.

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in reply to Hidden

It did feel like that but luckily it only took one night. I’m bouncing back faster which is a good sign. Got over the rejection and sadness part after a good night sleep. Ready to keep trying 😊

I'm much better at getting a guy's attention than actually keeping it. (Mostly because I don't want them around. I just don't have the tolerance for certain things.) But I find that what sparks the interest is that I take care of myself and I am independent. (Although, that's the very thing that makes me have relational issues.) Having said that, love yourself to be good to yourself, take care of yourself and find little joys in every parts of your life.

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in reply to LadyZen

Thanks LadyZen such good advice. This dating experience has been opposite. I have worked for 6 years to build this full life of people and meaning. I’m proud and love every part of it, which has taken so long and taken such hard work. The guy I went out with dated me when I was a total mess but now I’m completely different. He got upset because of some comments I made about mistakes in my past. I cried a bit but I realized that was his stuff and I am lucky I saw that side of him before it went any further. Getting back on the horse to see what happens but good news is my life is the same today. I’m hopeful after a good night sleep 😊

You tried ... if he didn’t like some things you said fair enough at least you know now and not 5 years down the line ... he wasn’t your Prince Charming, just another 🐸 so keep being you don’t change for anyone and your mr right will find his way too you :) don’t get down about it just mark it off as an experience and move on after all it’s his loss, and as for him not wanting to be friends .. would you really want a friend that don’t value you anyway ? Your worth more so chin up boobs out and keep being you 👌👌

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in reply to Lanadc88

You are so right! After a good night sleep I see clearly how lucky I am that he showed his true colors so early and ended things before they started. Getting back on the horse and gonna keep enjoying life in the meantime

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in reply to Lanadc88

I still am hopeful after your love story. Mine is out there 😊

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

It certainly is chick believe me it was a long old road for me getting to where I am now, abusive partner that tried to throw me out a first floor window and held me hostage pretty much for 4 hours threatening to stab me and anyone who came through the door, 8 years with well someone twice my age who I thought loved me but who actually liked to dip his wick in many many pies 😂😂😂 then there’s the drug addicts oh and the ones who had girlfriends already 😂😂😂😂 it’s a long old road to relationship happiness and every road is different but there’s certainly a mr right out there for us all and yours I’m sure is on his way and I can’t wait for the day

You say you’ve found him 😀😀😀

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in reply to Lanadc88

That is so inspiring to know you found your partner you love after all that! So right after I got over the initial shock of the anger from the guy I want out with, I went back on my dating app to check it and there was this really nice guy on there at the same time I had messaged with last week. What I used to do was focus solely on one guy and close my profile but I kept it open this time knowing that i shouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket. Long story short, this nice guy seems much less professionally successful but so sweet and compassionate. We talked on the phone for 3.5 hours and we have a date to meet on Wednesday. The dollar coaster continues lol...fingers crossed 🤞😊

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

Eeek that’s so exciting, who cares about professional success they could work in the corner shop for all I care its who you get with and who makes you happy that matters and no amount of money can buy happiness. When I met my partner I was working etc but the last 12 months has been so hard as I can no longer “work” but I did start up my own freelance writing business so I now earn enough to pay the bills at least to take some of the pressure off. He does have a job that means he can cover everything and we can live comfortably without me working but that’s beside the point I want to contribute as much as possible. So what I’m trying to say is money or not if you get on and things move on you will always find a way to over come obstacles. Money is something we all need to survive but it’s all so bloody evil lol

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in reply to Lanadc88

I love how you speak. I can already tell. You’re from the UK right? Your English is so much more colorful and beautiful than here in California Lol...I totally agree with the money thing!!! I can take care of myself and as long as he can pay his bills, I just care that he is happy. This new guy works with special needs kids and I work with kids in foster care. We have so much in common! Best part is I can sense he has a soft open heart. That is most important to me. So much more important than money!!!

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

Exactly and yes I’m from Devon in the Uk!, I’m actually hoping to take a holiday to the US later this year :) were hoping to start in New York and travel around a bit as iv never been to the states. Both your jobs are amazing I would love to be able to do what either of you do it must be so rewarding, but also hard at the same time. All you can do is see what Wednesday has in store for you and fingers crossed you click as well in person as you do online and over the phone

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in reply to Lanadc88

I’ve never been to New York or the east coast. California girl through and through but I want to go. That will be so fun. I’m so interested to see how our chemistry will be in person but we both decided that even if there is no attraction, we will be friends 😊

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

Well see even if you don’t gain a partner you have gained a friend so that’s something to keep positive about anyway and if romance isn’t on the card at least you’ve gained a friend but only time will tell

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in reply to Lanadc88

Now that I am managing my symptoms of anxiety and depression so much better, a setback like rejection will not trigger weeks of deep sadness and isolation. So much growth. I’m actually thankful I get to see it. Being rejected is no fun but it showed me where I am now. That is priceless. Fingers crossed my UK friend💛

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

Not everyone clicks with everyone it’s not rejection it’s just how it is and we just have to say “ ok who’s next” and mark it off as experience. Your beautiful you will find your dream man maybe not tomorrow maybe not next month but soon it will happen

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in reply to Lanadc88

That optimism is just what I needed today. Thank you 💛💛

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

My pleasure keep me updated on Wednesday 😀😍

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in reply to Lanadc88

I will. I hope you have a great week

And you my Monday has consisted of my bed as I’m so fatigued it’s 2.30 pm here and I need to build up the energy to get ready and go shopping at 5pm when the other half finishes work 😣😖😫😩😴

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in reply to Lanadc88

Ugh maybe a power nap could help?? I usually feel fatigued like that when I don’t want to do something

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

Power naps make me feel worse I’m just getting over a really bad flare up of Fibro so I think the fatigue is just a delayed part of that lol

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in reply to Lanadc88

Wow that’s tough to bounce back from. I’m glad you are resting. Your body must have needed it

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

It certainly does but my mind needs to get out this house for a while so I’m going to drag myself to the shops and hopefully the fresh air ( or the downpour of rain we’re having here) will help ease off this fatigue

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in reply to Lanadc88

The cloudiness makes me more tired too

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

The weather is so crap here at the moment it’s just awful lol

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in reply to Lanadc88

Staying motivated is so tough in weather like that and with those symptoms. I’m so glad you are using this site. It really helps me

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

Yeah it is helping a lot

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in reply to Lanadc88

Good I’m glad. I’ll keep looking for your posts and PM me if you need to just share💛

Lanadc88
Lanadc88
in reply to Hidden

Sam to you hun right how’re and attempt to get ready lol

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in reply to Lanadc88

Sending positive energy⚡️💛

I’m sorry this happened, but I’m damn sure it’s for the best, i know it might not look like it atm, but trust me if it was good for you he would stick around, and if he doesn’t like you for being yourself then he can go to hell, you deserve better hun, he is not the last man on earth, the right one will find you, pretty soon i hope!!

Sending you love and hugs❤️

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in reply to SoniaGorgeous

Thanks SoniaGorgeous! I feel that way today. The initial embarrassment and sad wore off. On to better😊

Pretty obvious your an awesome woman. Look at all the replies and support! Sometimes our expectations get the best of us! I feel like it’s just not meant to be and accept there’s actually a reason for everything if I’m open to learning. For me it’s an opportunity for me to work on me!

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in reply to skidrew

That’s a good one. I have to keep putting myself out there and trying. I recovered today 😊

Easy does it! No such thing as being dumped when ya haven’t got started. It’s way more painful to find out months or years later!

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in reply to skidrew

It’s true. I kind of admired the guy for knowing so early and saying something 🤯

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