Just gonna throw this out there and see what i get for feedback.
it's long since been the case that I can't seem to "defeat" my depression, so sometimes i just nurture it instead. not sure if this really a good idea, but i usually find it kind of soothing.
I don't do a ton of reading (i probably write much trash than i read, lol) but I recently read the metamorphosis by franz kafka. got me thinking a lot about mental illness stigma and being looked at as a sort of monster or other undesirable person by society at large and family in particular. that's the only complete work i've ever read by kafka, but i've read tons of his quotes online and i think i really like him. as you can see on my profile i have a kafka quote for the banner picture.
anyway, i'm wondering what other people think of his writing, and in particular if anyone has any thought on this one quote of his. for me it gives me some sense that maybe all this depression and dark thinking is "for a reason" and could possibly lead to something better. it's a nice thought anyway. here's the quote:
"ONE OF THE FIRST SIGNS OF THE BEGINNING OF UNDERSTANDING IS THE WISH TO DIE. THIS LIFE APPEARS UNBEARABLE, ANOTHER UNATTAINABLE. ONE IS NO LONGER ASHAMED OF WANTING TO DIE; ONE ASKS TO BE MOVED FROM THE OLD CELL, WHICH ONE HATES, TO A NEW ONE, WHICH ONE WILL ONLY IN TIME COME TO HATE. IN THIS THERE IS ALSO A RESIDUE OF BELIEF THAT DURING THE MOVE THE MASTER WILL CHANCE TO COME ALONG THE CORRIDOR, LOOK AT THE PRISONER AND SAY: “THIS MAN IS NOT TO BE LOCKED UP AGAIN, HE IS TO COME WITH ME.""
(sorry it's in all caps. that's the way i found, copied, and pasted it)
I really liked your post I get the gist of Kafka and it seems to me he is a great literary find and companion for someone with depression because he doesn't bring you down
Is your depression circumstantial or biological or a bit of both ?
Have you ever read Anita Brookers novels? She is my number one favourite author she died a few years ago but I met her a few times when I lived in Chelsea , she is in no way existential but slightly melonchly , I think she appeals more to women than men.
i guess i too would not classify kafka as "depressing" though he is very dark. I guess i like him because he addresses depression and other "bad emotions" without necessarily encouraging them. he sort of addresses the dark side of humanity head on instead of beating around the bush and being a "feel good" author who just tries to avert one's attention from sad realities. i grow tired of adages like "count your blessings" as if the key is to only acknowledge the good and take your focus off anything bad. call it kinda buddhist, and i suppose it may be, but i think of the ying yang symbol and needing to keep a balance between the good and bad but not eliminating one or the other. sure, there's lots of good but there's lots of bad too. i think we gotta strive to maintain a view that acknowledges both. trying to simply "ignore" or "overlook" bad things in order to feel better has got to be a futile effort in a world where there IS so much evil and in a life that's bound to eventually end one way or another.
my argument has always been that my depression is Extremely circumstantial, but all the "pros" always disagree. until they come up with a real, scientific, biological test for chemical imbalances, i'll never be fully convinced otherwise. i lean toward that psychiatry is mostly guess work and that no one Really knows what the hell is going on biologically. And if i had never been forced into this system i never would have bought into it being a "cure" or even a "remedy" in the first place.
and no i've never heard of Brookers. sorry. like i said i don't really read a lot, though i do a lot of writing. Seems unfair i guess, but at this point in my life no one is forcing me to keep a balance between the two activities, haha. just "on the loose" with a keyboard over here.
My teenage daughter said that they say you should focus on the good but she thinks you should give attention to the bad at least analyse it ignoring it won't make it go away and I agree with her she says some wise things
I agree with you too and with everything else you said
Given the times Kafka was living in his dark thoughts proved right he was a Cancerian they are very intuitive but also really funny
You should write an e book about your experiences I would definately buy it
yeah. decided against staying in bed sometime after midnight. just got up and made coffee and decided to go with it. as usual, i found nothing to do but peruse the internet and write lengthy posts all night. sometimes i wish i lived at the other end of NY state in "the city that never sleeps" but as it is i'm in Buffalo -- the city that sleeps regular hours and has few overnight activities.
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Suicide.. Why not?!?
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