Hopeless

[TalonNimbus]

Everyday is the same grey nothingness as the last

When I think about the future I only see the same.

Why bother waking up for today when yesterday was all the same

And yesterday wasn’t worth it either.

I’m so sick of this feeling

I’m so sick of people who don’t know me- who don’t know how long I’ve struggled telling me ‘just be patient. Things will get better.’

How many years do I have to wait to feel happy again.

To feel worth while.

To feel energized.

To feel anything but this grey numbness.

[fauxartist]

thanks for sharing this, and when we are suffering its so terribly hard to see a way out. Are you seeing a therapist, what's going on in your life, do you have any support....I'm glad your here sharing

[TalonNimbus in reply to fauxartist]

I have one more week with my therapist before she leaves town.

A lots going on in my life, or more correctly, very little. I’ve been working on moving out of my current house so I can try and start truly taking care of my health but there aren’t any apartments in my city for handicapped people. I’ve been on their waiting list for a year now.

I don’t really have any support people in my life. My family is horrible to talk to and I haven’t had any friends in about three years now.

Thank you for the reply.

[fauxartist in reply to TalonNimbus]

these are very nice people here, we all have our own issues and it's very healing to share with others going through the same kind of struggles. Everyone here has their own story to bring to the table and they are all validated when they share. I cannot stand the thought that there is still not adequate facilities for people with special needs. Whether it's housing for women and children escaping an abusive husband, or housing with accessibility.

Back in the early 70's I was going to a junior college in my town, I remember trying to find all my classes, everyone running around doing the same thing. I finally found a trailer up on a raised platform where you had to go up some steps to get to a small landing to open a door to get in. It had one of my general studies classes in. I was only a teenager just out of HS, and I had a limited understanding of the world. I watched as everyone scurried up to get into class up the stairs...and there at the bottom of the stairs was a young woman in a wheel chair staring at her class assignment. She looked up at me and said....'How do they expect me to get up the stairs in a wheelchair?..fly?'....So I told her I would go into the class and tell the instructor she was going back to administration to find a class she could get into, and to not drop her as a 'no show'.

Over the semester I ran into her off and on between classes and chatted a bit here and there..and you know...not much has changed since then. People complain about waisting good parking spaces for the 'handicapped'...or contractors I worked with complained about the additional expense for ramps and special bathrooms. I often corrected them by saying don't call someone 'handicapped' unless your talking about golf.

[TalonNimbus in reply to fauxartist]

Yeah I’ve run into that situation more times then I’d like to admit. At one point many years ago in school my class had a mandatory class trip to a place that was completely unacceptable. So I had to sit outside beside the road for an hour and a half alone while they went inside for a tour.

Afterwards we were required to write a paper on what we learned. My paper consisted of how quickly I get board of watching cars go by and how badly you can get a sun burn in that amount of time.

Needless to say I got in trouble for the paper but truly I’m not sure what they expected me to write about since I had never gone inside.

[fauxartist in reply to TalonNimbus]

I like your spunk...no BS...you face ignorance head on....and shame on them for their stupidity.

[Sprinkle1]

My first question to you is are you on an antidepressant? Sounds like I feel when in one of my clinical depressions. I would talk to your Dr. there is help available. Do not let this suffering continue, you deserve to be happy and whole. Write to us here and we will try to help you . Sending love, hugs, & peace. Sprinkle 1..............

[TalonNimbus in reply to Sprinkle1]

I’m not currently on any medications because the people I live with. They are extremely judge mental and since I don’t have any transportation on my own I can’t get a private appointment to really talk with my doctor.

It’s one of the biggest reasons I’ve been wanting to move out on my own because for the first time ever it means I don’t have to answer for everything I do or need.

Thank you for your words of support.

[Sprinkle1 in reply to TalonNimbus]

Sorry for you situation, do you have a friend who could drive you, will your parents loan your a car, tell them you are going to meet a friend. You need help. Do you have enough money to move out? We are here to help you if we can, write to us. I send you love, hugs & peace. Sprinkle 1.............

[TalonNimbus in reply to Sprinkle1]

Because of my disability I cannot drive nor do I have friends who I’m close to.

Moving out is really my only option and I’m still waiting for an apartment to become available. I’ve been on the waiting list for over a year.

[Sprinkle1]

I am sorry that you are going thru this hell, if I lived close to you I would take you out. No wonder you are depressed. Is there anyone you can talk to about what is available. Look in the first pages in your phone book, there are lists of services in your area. You could also contact your local representative they have some clout. How about contacting your local newspaper, they often get things turned around. All I can think of at this moment. Hang in there sister, it will work out - but I do not know the time frame. I send you love, hugs and peace. Sprinkle 1