Strict parents

[Bettycooper]

I hate my parents being strict.any help or advice?

[EleanorRose]

In what way are they strict?

(You don’t have to answer but also wondered how old you are? Knowing that might help us a little to come up with suitable ideas and suggestions )

[Bettycooper in reply to EleanorRose]

they only care about my studying and they don't care about my feelings at all (I'm 17)

[senorab12]

What do you mean by saying they are strict? They don’t let you go out with friends or they restrict you from certain things?

[Bettycooper in reply to senorab12]

the one important thing for them is just studying and getting full marks

[Bettycooper in reply to senorab12]

and zero privacy

[Agora1]

Bettycooper, it may seem like they are strict right now but out of their love for you

they are preparing you for this competitive world we live in. As for privacy, that's a

two way street. If you haven't given them any cause to not worry about you, maybe

you could earn privileges in lifting some of the restrictions. xx

[Bettycooper]

by reading my diaries?

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Bettycooper]

I’m 38 years old now and my parents were extremely strict growing up. I wasn’t allowed to go out with friends and friends couldn’t come over, it was school and home. No privacy what so ever. There are some other things a out my mom that she did to me but to talk about the things that are frustrating you it appears your parents really want you to succeed because they see a brilliant young lady who is their daughter (YOU) and they want the best for you. They know you have so much potential in life. They know your intelligent. You may not see it now but you might thank them later

[Bettycooper in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

thank you ❤

[Hidden in reply to Bettycooper]

As a parent of a 17 year old daughter myself as well as a 20 year old son, I will ask you point blank - have you given any reason for your parents to be so ‘strict’ with you? You needn’t actually answer if you don’t want to do so.

If my kids were rebellious, or if they exhibited suspicious behavior, then my husband and I would be apt to be strict. That being said, we have never had any behavioral troubles with them and they’re both diligent, conscientious students who’ve always strived to do their best, so we have never really had to be extremely strict.

My daughter has a journal, I’ve never snooped.

Talk to them, explain to them your feelings. No arguments, no raising voice, just a calm and casual chat.

Wanting our kids to do well in school is a huge thing, all good parents want that. Are you a senior? Are you looking at attending college?

Now mind you I don’t expect all straight A’s from my 2. I’m not that parent. I know that it’s not possible to get straight A’s consistently and I don’t push it. My daughter is taking calculus. It’s a struggle. Math is a strength of hers, she’s done amazingly well up to this point. But calc, nope, not a strength, and I don’t care because I do know that she is doing her best.

Reading your diary? That’s not nice. Again, though, are your parents concerned about something?

Have a heart to heart with them. Over dinner, over ice cream, whatever. Open up to them, talk about school, talk about your feelings, your anxieties, your worries, the good stuff, the bad stuff. This may help them realize that maybe they need to give you a bit of freedom.

If you’re a trustworthy 17 year old and you’re always trying to do your best, then all is well.

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

I’m with you on this one - I have a 20 year old daughter and a 17 year old daughter.

I’d also like to know if you give your parents any reason to be strict or read your diary. I’m not getting on at you, it would just help to know.

One thing I will say - they should NEVER read your diary. They’re either doing it because they are genuinely concerned about something, or paranoid, controlling parents. If you could give us a bit more info, we can help. Xxx

[Bettycooper in reply to weegmack]

no there isn't any specific reason

[Hidden in reply to Bettycooper]

Hide your diary. It’s not meant to be read by anyone but you.

[weegmack in reply to Bettycooper]

Sounds to me, then, like you have really controlling, paranoid parents. Hide your diary. Are you applying for college? Could you move away to college? X

[Bettycooper in reply to weegmack]

didn't get a response yet

[Hidden in reply to Bettycooper]

To what schools have you applied? Good luck to you!!! I’m guessing you’re graduating this year? My daughter is.

[Bettycooper in reply to Hidden]

I'm trying to apply for Harvard

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Bettycooper]

Awesome!!! I wish you the best! Seeing that your highly intelligent, I’m sure you will get in!!!!

[Bettycooper in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

thank you so much ❤

[Hidden in reply to Bettycooper]

That’s great, you are definitely a high achiever I see. Best wishes to you. Try to enjoy this last year of high school, it’s a big one.

[weegmack in reply to Bettycooper]

That’s amazing! Well done ♥️. You go for it honey. My youngest daughter is applying also for universities (we’re in Scotland). She’s got a place at one so far, but wants to wait for others. Good luck! X

[Cookie101]

I personally think that a person's personal diary is sacred space. They shouldn't be reading it at all. Look at your achievements, write them down and bring that list to your parents. Ask them to list down the things that have given them concern and determine whether these things are real or imagined. Ask them why they feel the need to read your personal diary which is your own thoughts and feelings and very private, if this doesn't work, either move it, or inform them that you will intentionally add information that is untrue or provocative on purpose which will render it useless to them because they won't know what is real and what isn't.

If you have done things that have given them reason to be strict, ask them how you can earn back their trust. I personally never acted out as a kid because I found it too much hassle if I got caught out. But I also had the benefit of parents who trusted my brother and I to be responsible when we did go out. We never lied about where we were going and we gave a time of when we planned on getting back. If there were issues, we called home for help. You can give them these restrictions and see how they will react.

Regarding the study. I know it sucks but I'm almost forty, I struggled with school work and therefore didn't do as well as I should have. I have major regrets for this and while I love my job now, I'll never earn a great deal of money, probably never own my own home. You are at the great age of not only being able to determine the future you want to have, but also having the time to work out how you want to get there. The more work you put into that now, the easier it will be down the line and it will give you way more options to choose from.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Cookie101]

I like this advice!!! That’s good!

[Want2BHappy3]

How old are you? In your eyes maybe that’s how you see it? For the most part your parents are trying to protect you. My kids are grown and didn’t like me saying anything to them. We have lived and have experienced so much, so we know the ropes, listen it could save and make your life easier. One of my kids helped someone out with a loan and they stopped paying so she got stuck paying it off. If she had came to me I could have warned her. So try talking to them about why they feel the way they do? Try compromising?

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I had 3 biological children and multiple other kids in my home.

Reading any other persons diary is very much crossing a boundary. If you want to be treated like an adult my suggestion is you approach them as an adult on this. You can’t get emotional and yell and ‘kitchen sink’ argue; meaning throwing everything but the kitchen sink during a talk.

I don’t know your parents but 17 is a tough age for us parents. Maybe you could suggest a few family therapy sessions for communication.

If you want to be treated a certain way you have to act that way; whatever that way may be. This is for life with everyone in all situations.

All things change.

Doaty💛

[mvillarreal]

How, exactly, are they strict? It's difficult to know what the way forward is without some more information about the details.