New year's anxiety

[Kevin160]

Slept well, calm , as the day went by , i started to feel a bit anxious maybe because my last new year's was filled with panic , which is what this year is turning to , was talking to my sister about this year being harder for me, she then forcede to talk about it , and i talked to her about so many things , it was supposed to make me feel better , but i ended up feeling like im living them again, i felt very panicky my bp was very high , it was like deja vu all over again , i have been trying for hours just to calm a bit but it's really hard , my left arm is hurting and i cant seem to calm whenever this happens and i just can't manage to think about all that i overcome this year rather all the panic , im very nauseous and just scared , i feel like im relapsing again because this week has been feeling really like the first time i got anxiety , i just can't escape these thoughts.

[Grateful71]

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds a bit like PTSD, when your mind relives and anticipates the fear and the threat to our very existence. I know the ideal is to think of just this moment and what threat you face right now... probably nothing. I know your fear, I became very unwell at this time of year 2 years ago and I still feel myself stiffening with fear even if I just experience a cold at this time of year. You are not alone and it will pass, keep in touch 💛

[Kevin160 in reply to Grateful71]

It really is because there is nothing scary to me right now except for the memories that i just dug up , i just feel the same way i did last new year's, cant shake away the fear not by breathing techniques not by meditation , not by anything because this is too overwhelming ...im getting all these feelinge i forgot existed and memories i didnt know about , so intense , so hard

[Grateful71 in reply to Kevin160]

It's ok to feel whatever it is you feel. I don't normally find writing things down they helpful but I have s few times when I have felt out of control and overwhelmed. What I wrote didn't make much sense but it did help just to scribble down all the confused thoughts and the things that frightened me the most. I felt like I wanted to climb out my own skin it was so hard. We are here with you , hold on tight you will be ok x

[Hidden]

I've been there. Someone forced me to say things that have happened to me and as soon as I could I bolted out of there. This new year is going to be tough, and I didn't want to be alive for this next year, but here I am. Talk to me if you need to, I'm always here

[Kevin160 in reply to Hidden]

Exactly, told my sister about all those panic attacks, the ocd tendencies, and dug the past which i didnt talk about before , my mom's cancer diagnosis , my parents divorce and all the family problems etc.. i just got this rush of feelings and I just feel this constant panic attacks i can barely breathe

[Hidden in reply to Kevin160]

yeah, sometimes it's really hard to talk about things especially when someone is forcing them out of you. It kind of makes you wonder if they knew all along.

[newbie56]

You certainly are not alone, Kevin.

Many are feeling scared or feeling regrets about the past.

I try to remember that the past is gone, wiped clean by God's hand.

He's in full control & no matter what 2020 may bring we can fully

rely on Him.

There's a "school" of "hard knocks" but we learn lessons. Don't worry.

We can "graduate" from that old school. You've been progressing and

will continue. Your "diploma" is waiting <3

Continued prayers, Kevin... from my house to yours.

[Kevin160 in reply to newbie56]

This is what i tried to do , but i guess talking about the past made it seem like im reliving it , thinking about the hopelessness, rock bottom , the panic attacks and all the pain and fear of this past year

[LiveandLetLive42]

Sometimes talking about it brings up those old feelings. I swear I had a similar talk with my sister and we both felt worse at the end of the conversation. But I don't want to dwell on the past. I really want to set positive goals this year and BE positive as well. We can do it Kevin!!

[Kevin160 in reply to LiveandLetLive42]

It really did , the conversation made me feel really anxious which talking usually doesnt do to me , i usually feel better but i guess i just felt all the memories too deep and because it happened a year ago almost exactly im feeling the atmosphere and the same way i did , and i feel like im relapsing eventho i got over most of my anxiety triggers

[LiveandLetLive42 in reply to Kevin160]

I totally understand. I moved back in March so I'm in a different place, literally than I was last year so that is helping. Sometimes change helps. Just keep an open mind and things can be different this year

[newbie56 in reply to Kevin160]

I understand

[Kat63]

Hey, Kevin. Just to let you know I’m thinking of you.

You are going to be OK. The feelings you’re having will stop, and you’ll feel better.

[Kevin160 in reply to Kat63]

Thank you so much i appreciate your support, i woke up feeling a bit better , still embarrased and dissapointed with myself but the anxiety is very mild

[newbie56]

Kevin,

Youth is on your side, trust me. Your feelings may be strong but 'fresh"

In other words, your brain is not damaged. That's an important fact. <3