For those of us who are alike..
Why do you think we put ourselves in situations..around people who we know hurt us but tend to stay in their presence anyway? Knowingly and almost willingly just stay there only to ask later why did i do that yet again?
That’s what I’m asking myself exactly. I didn’t think there was other people going through this. And to answer your question, I think it’s because we feel empty, we’re lacking of something and we’re expecting to find it in someone else even if they hurt us. I recently reached out to my ex best friend from school and let me tell you it hurted, nothing good came out of that but I’m still here wanting to go back to what we were knowing it won’t happen. But I guess some people are not meant to be in your life no matter how hard you try, they won’t fit again.
I read this the other day: “How many s cars did we justify just because we were loving the person holding the knife?” And it’s so accurate... I’d wish just people were nice and see the effort the other person is putting.
You’re not alone in this, I feel the same way as you right now.
I ask myself this over and over again for a few years now. I know why I do..or a good idea of why I do. There's no one else in my real life that I can actually go to other than just that person. I love them and I always make it a point to never hate someone. Hate is just another level and I don't have that in my heart not even for those who bullied me back when I was in school. This person is someone that while I probably always will (and this is not to put out negativity in the air, b/c im definitely not looking for it) end up feeling bad at some point in their presence. BUT I can open up to this person as well even though still am holding alot back from this person. I'm not an open book, I am very much reserved and that wont change, I don't plan for it too. I just think at least for the specific person I am thinking about during this post and maybe for everyone else that I probably would feel better being away from them and just be in their presence sometimes. I've heard someone say something like this before, where their family is too negative and that once they moved away they have time to miss them and such so it's only all good really when it comes to meeting with them in short periods of times. i think this is what I may need, but I don't feel there's a way I can efficiently do that right now. I am only a 20 year old who is most likely considered the odd one out everywhere she goes for all the wrong reasons..because she isn't the majority... unfortunately that's another topic 👀👄👀
I understand your quote by the way and you are completely right about some people just arent meant to be in your life. Which is why I am so grateful for those good and bad that I've came across. I always say this.. Even if someone made a negative impact on my life they each are learning experiences. They taught me something, my likes and dislikes..what I should aim for next time. Things like this that make me who I am today. I hope you feel better about your situation soon😊
Yes, that’s why I do it too, I’m very shy but we had a connection with this ex best friend that I don’t think I’ll ever have with someone, he just gets me, he knows me better than I know myself and I didn’t know that could happen. But I think I lost him and I refuse to believe it. That’s why it hurts so much but yeah like you say maybe it’s better to stay away, sadly I’m learning this the hard way. I’m only 22.
My situation is likely different from yours from what I’ve read in the replies, but I can say that the main reason I keep putting myself back into a situation is because I have this need to try and fix others, be the nice person, maybe even save them. It probably comes from a childhood of needing to be ‘fixed’. Am working on setting limits. I hope you can too!
That's why I joined this site in the first place. I feel you on that too. I just was triggered by someone specific today to write this post but I definitely dealt with a lot even though other may argue i haven't experienced life yet. I've been told I am too considerate by the person I was speaking about actually. Funny how that works.. In many circumstances I've wanted for someone to just listen to me rather than give me solutions that they've told me to do and maybe have tried but they just never worked for me leading into issues. This all is from alot of built up situations. The people I am around are those who are too negative and those who are present but not present. Back in HS when I wrote countless essays on anxiety/loneliness/depression etc..(they suited the books we read and helped me find solutions and understand my own mind and others better), i came across some article that spoke on those similar to said person..I can't remember what it was exactly nor the article but ever since and when I knew back then, I wondered if this 1 person is my main issue as to why i became the way I am..why I could be stuck here longer then need be? I hope i find that article again tbh .. but I definitely don't want people to be like what I have been for a long time. Especially if you're one to be stuck in your own head alot..what a blessing and a curse I swear. So I've been helping others online and in person since middle school. Im happy to say I've saved lives. I hope you are able to accomplish that goal of having limits for yourself if that's really what you want right now and forever. We definitely need nice people in this world. The more good the better. So thank you for even having that thought to even cross your mind. I'm sure you've helped and saved alot of people in whatever way they needed too
Thanks for the reminder that I have probably helped many. I think I have. My entire career was in the helping field. So yes, it is sometimes just in our dna. There are always those who just can’t get enough and want to suck the life out if us for their own personal needs. It is those folks with whom we need to set limits. This thread has been helpfu to me. Thank you!
I've been asking myself that very question because of a family dinner that took place today. I think part of the answer is that I think I can fix it. It being the family dynamic which I see as problematic and other family members prefer to look the other way. I am the one that becomes sad and upset I don't even like writing about this on here. They are not close and I doubt my children would get together if not for me. Sometimes I think they don't like each other
I understand. I have 2 family members like this, or should I say households? One where they constantly start fights with everyone to the point that it's almost as if they are how should I put this..banished..exiled from ever returning. The other has a child with a disorder who is fed lies to the point where an incident occurred during a family outing.. Unfortunately this child is now an adult so it's really tough because he's already affected...everyone's affected. This leads and has lead to more toxicity in the family. As for my household I can say one keeps ignoring the fact that there's alot of issues at hand. i know this person is stressed, so am I. Literally everyone here is stressed and I can tell mental illness runs in our family at this point, but I just want to try and solve this myself but it's ignored and my feelings are ignored all the time. Which is why I have been tight lipped for so long that I've built up alot and I managed to dish out alot of my feelings but I keep certain things away because I know it's been ignored based on follow up conversations at other times of the year.(Like did you even care at all/ did you listen at all?) For me my family is not a family and it's hard. No one is ever together. Arguments are for me.. the most i speak to one of them during the year besides hi and bye. It makes me want to solve such things too even though I'm hurt so i relate to you on that bit though I'm not a parent which I am sure comes with a whole bunch of other obstacles that are tricky. With that being said, I hope you are able to find some light somewhere shining through all that darkness you are fighting through. I'm sure with your determination you will be able to mend at least some of the peaces soon whether soon means tomorrow, a few months or years from now. Please make sure to take care of yourself first so that you can handle whatever may come your way, though easier said then done. Let's come out with as little damage as possible. You can do this. Push hard but not as hard to fall too. You are a pillar so I hope the other ones will come up again too ✊💙
Because people who stay are weak and indecisive. Limited knowledge about the world and opportunities around makes people believe that they NEED to stay, otherwise it is all lost (which is almost impossible case nowadays. Maybe in medieval ages, but not in this global world).
I.e. you cal literally find a set of completely different and unrelated friends, employers, wives, husbands etc. whoa re 100% unrelated to previous.
It is typical bitchy-girlfriend situation, where a dude loves the girl, she doesn't like him much, but he is too self-absorbed to really acknowledge where his life is heading (to meaningless pain and a long couping period.
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For lack of greater example, in these situations imagine that you are Julius Caesar, leader of Roman armies, de facto ruler. Would you sit and sob about your abusive friends? Or you would have iron resolve and would cut the ties (and their heads) (* hint: don't cut anyone's head off) since you have a magnitude better and more important things to do? try it.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions
just a thought
Maybe try to help someone else today
Why? Why? Why?
Anyone feel the same?
