Struggling with Test Brain

[maggief9812]

I’ve been studying and studying, doing drills and reading my textbooks. I listen to my recordings of lecture over and over... the information IS in my brain. On Performance and Competency Evaluation days in clinic I become exceptionally anxious about my performance. My heart races and my hands shake. My mind goes all but blank as I hyper focus on trying to calm my body down. My examiner asks me to perform a task and I reach for it in my brain to find.... nothing. It’s blank and it’s not coming to me and the longer my retrieval failure lasts the more embarrassed and stupid I feel and I become terrified my instructor thinks I’m not prepared/don’t know what I’m doing/am not emotionally cut out to be successful. I WANT To succeed SO BAD I’m making myself crazy and I don’t know how to calm myself down so I can think! After the test is over and I’m calmer, everything that I couldn’t think of comes back to me without having to ask the professor and I just feel stupid.

Does anyone have experience with panic induced retrieval failure and tips for how to cope with it? My grades and my future career depend on me getting this shit under control. (I KNOW putting that pressure on myself makes it worse, but the way I see it it’s the truth.)

[Hidden]

Follow this link

healthextremist.com/banana-...

If it works for some it might work for you.

[maggief9812 in reply to Hidden]

Ha! I’m already bananas 🍌 but I’ll give it a shot! 🤪

Thanks for the tip.

[Hidden in reply to maggief9812]

Lol

Hope it helps.

[maggief9812]

I just made an appointment for Wednesday to talk with my doctor about managing my anxiety. This is a first step for me and get this... I’m super ANXIOUS about it! 😬😂

Go figure. I’ve been working so hard on my own this past year to acknowledge my feelings when I have them, but admitting out loud that my anxiety is a life-affecting problem is brand new for me. I feel like crying right now and I can’t quite name the reason why/the feelings behind it.

I’m still gonna try the bananas.

[maggief9812]

Zorob- different field, but same problem. I HATE COMPETENCY DAYS! I legitimately believed I had my anxiety well-controlled until I started doing clinic rotations. It’s almost all performance based for me too. My doc put me on daily Celexa for generalized anxiety and gave me a PRN for propranolol for acute performance anxiety. I haven’t tried the propranolol yet as I’m still in the throes of attenuating to the Celexa, and have professional and emotional concerns about my BP right now. My next Performance and Competency is 11/27. I’m hoping by then to be stabilized enough to see if the propranolol helps.

I’ve been trying to post every day under the heading SSRIs DAY ___ to share what it’s like on a day to day basis. I know that it’s very common for people to quit due to side effects before they get a chance to benefit from the medication. If I find a balance that works for me, I will certainly share!!!

[maggief9812]

THANKS for the good wishes. 🥰

I somehow got my wires crossed- my test is on the 29th. YAY for two extra study days!

[maggief9812]

HA! Thanks for the sympathy anxiety. Stop it!

My meds seem to be working okay and I feel pretty good about this test. I’ve done multiple practice runs at home and I haven’t forgotten any part of the 4 pages of skills demonstrations that I need to have memorized. My family members have been very patient patients for me! 😂 Thanksgiving was sure Interesting.

[maggief9812]

Zorob! I NAILED it! I got a perfect score! They almost never give those out & none of my classmates that shared grades did as well! 🎉🤓🎉

[maggief9812]

On top of the usual stress which should be enough to trigger a panic attack, my instructor was out sick today and I was tested by someone I’ve never even met before. Right before my test my classmates told me she was a really tough grader. A month ago that would have been enough to send me spiraling into a blind panic. I ignored the warning, focused, and just did what I practiced.