When you know you’ve been messing up some of the most important things imaginable, then apologize and try to correct it but proof of betterment will take time and you are desperate to get to that place where you haven’t been hurting people anymore ... and it’s hard to make the changes necessary... stress beats down on the shoulders...and you wonder what’s wrong with you...beat yourself up...
...then realize and move...
...just do the best one can...over and over...