The best way to help a friend? - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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The best way to help a friend?

Owzy
Owzy

I am currently dealing with someone that I care about that has both Anxiety and Depression. She is at one of the lowest points I have seen her and I think that alot of it has to do with me unfortunately. I have not been as supportive as should have been and read up on it more I understand that should have never attacked her issues during arguments. She is not doing well and can not get out of bed. She has been there for almost 4 days. I am seeking advice on how to help and deal with her state she is in now. We were a couple for almost a year and recently split up, she also just lost her her job that she like so much because she would not get out of bed. Some of the big fights we would get into was due to making accusations that were very off the wall and furthest from the truth but she would believe they were true. I would battle back and forth with her over was reality and what she thought was the truth and we would get into knock down drag out fights over it. In the end she would tell me how mean I was and the whole time I thought she was the one being mean. How are you suppose to deal with that as well?

9 Replies
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Dear Owzy,

First of all that is commendable you’re admitting that you were harsh with her. That takes courage because most harsh people who think they’ve know-it-alls have no concept that they’re harsh.

It’s a conundrum with what your friend is experiencing. I can relate to the “depression spiral down.” She may have to experience it for a while until she decides to seek help most likely with antidepressant medication.

For now, be gentle with her. Such as being her a small flower in a vase and set it on the table near her. All you have to say is, “Because I care.” Overtly she

may not acknowledge it, but inwardly I’m sure she will. And perhaps after a few days gently apologize for anything harsh you may have said in the past. And then another, “I care.”

Then all that can be done is it’s up to her if she chooses to reach out for help. And if so, be her unconditional non-judgmental shoulder.

Best of luck,

-MZ ❤️

Owzy
Owzy in reply to MrZee

Thanks and I appreciate the advice. I don't know if you have experienced any with the false truths that she has made me be in her head have you? This is our biggest issue and it is really hard to sit and listen to what she has made up in her head and as of right now looks at me and sees this whole other person. When she is coming at you accusation after accusation and will not budge an inch even if you have brought her all the evidence that she has asked for what do you do then? I mean these are no small accusations either, to the point she doesn't believe who I am, name ss# the whole works.

MrZee
MrZee in reply to Owzy

It sounds like she needs professional help. But it’s up to her if she so chooses.

If she drags this out a long time and chooses not to change and remains miserable and toxic then you may have to evaluate moving on from her. Easier said than done, but may be necessary.

I know because I had to do this with my sisters. They are truly self miserable venomous women. I mourn the loss of having a relationship with them, but I have to protect myself from their abuse.

Owzy
Owzy in reply to MrZee

Yes, it gets pretty bad at a times, but thank you for the helpful tips and I hope all is well with you in the future.

MrZee
MrZee in reply to Owzy

Thanks Owzy. You as well. ❤️

Sprinkle1
Sprinkle1 in reply to Owzy

This lady obviously needs help. Is she on Med's? As for you, thank you for realizing you were part of the problem. I would suggest if you can afford it you both go to therapy. When she starts to come off the wall, one of the best things you can do is leave. Anger only begets anger.You both need to cool off. If you really care about each other, seek a separation for a few days or a week or two, give yourselves time to clear your heads. Try not to take it personal when she attacks you verbably just know she is ill and needs passive help. Has she talked to her Dr.? You also need to be good to yourself, try some meditation, go for walks either with her or by yourself. All I can think of for now, I send you peace, comfort, understanding, love and hugs.....Sprinkle 1.....

Owzy
Owzy in reply to Sprinkle1

Thank you for the commits I appreciate it a lot. Unfortunately she is not on meds at all no and we have go to several counselors but they never last long. I have a session thankfully set up for both of tonight at 5 so hopefully either A. they point us in the right directions and she gets the help that is needed and B. She gets out of bed to come with me. I am afraid to leave her alone right now and she is going through the stage where she says get out I hate you, to where you at don't leave me in a split second. She has not said I am going to kill myself but she did say that she didn't want to be here anymore...which through up some red flags. Another big problem is that neither one of us have anyone here to help because we are both new to the are and all of our families are pretty far away. But yes we are going to separate for good and I just hope that I can get her through this one last crisis and she realizes that I was here to love and care for her and that she remembers the man that she loved and not the one that she has inadvertently made in her head. Thank you!

Sprinkle1
Sprinkle1 in reply to Owzy

Glad if I could be of help, I understand you must feel frustrated, But sad to say she is responsible for herself. I hope she goes with you this evening, perhaps you could bring it up that you think she would benefit from some med's, sounds like she really needs to see a psychiatrist. I wish you well in your endeavors, do not blame yourself for the situation, it is her poor brain that is lying to her. Sending you both love and peace, with hugs....Sprinkle 1...

Owzy
Owzy in reply to Sprinkle1

Thanks again.

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