Rough times

[Strongest123]

Hi everyone. It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. I hope everyone is doing better. I just wanted to write, to I guess vent how I feel. I’ve been feeling pretty depressed for the last few days. I’ve been disabled since late 2016 for severe depression. Although some days I can feel ok, I do have a problem with ruminating thoughts. I do see a Dr, therapist once a week, and an APN for my meds. I’ve always been an avid weightlifter, I do lift at home, even though my Dr wants me to go to a gym. Anyways I guess since I’ve been disabled I don’t really have a structured day, I kinda go with what comes to mind. Being disabled makes me feel unproductive. I feel, almost guilty in a way. I’ve been employed for many years, but one never thinks they’ll get sick. Anyways with the holidays now, I’ve been pretty down. I did cry the other day, and had to call someone for help. I don’t like feeling like this, plus my anxiety has also been elevated. I’m definitely trying to beat this, I have a little baby girl that’s 8 years old and adores her daddy. Bless everyone on here. SAMSON

[NWGal]

Celebrate the small wins. Through the fog of depression we can feel productive by accomplishing small tasks. I feel better when I dust and vacuum or do a load of laundry instead of sitting in the lazy boy playing games on my phone. Get on the forum and engage with some of these wonderful people. Any contribution is valued. We just need to change that inner voice of worthlessness by acknowledging the small tasks my friend.

[Strongest123 in reply to NWGal]

Thank you very much for your response. I’ve gotten so much help from this site. Bless you

[Hidden]

Godbless x you SAMSON. I pray your life will change for the better soon, and that the heavy depression will lift. Take care

[Strongest123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much. I do really appreciate the support.

[Tikirob]

Hey Samson thanks for sharing your struggles with us. Cool you life weights. Just curious if you take any supplements to deal with depression or is it just meds. Thanks.

[Strongest123 in reply to Tikirob]

Hi. I’m on Zoloft, tintriled, and Xanax. I’d honestly like to stop taking them

[kvolm2016]

Glad to hear that you have a strong support system with the medical and therapy components. I'm sure this has served you well in persevering thus far!

I think you hit on a key factor with your statement about your daily routine being unstructured. I know that I personally do so much better when I have things scheduled like they are appointments that I have to keep. It may sound silly but as an example, schedule your lifting time at a specific time each day (and honestly going to the gym would probably help with this). Schedule yourself to help your daughter with her homework. As NWGal mentioned, schedule yourself to have your daily chores accomplished by a specific time. Think about any projects that you want to accomplish by breaking them down into daily tasks that you can schedule for yourself. And what about getting involved with some volunteer activity that will add to your schedule? Thoughts on this idea?

[Strongest123 in reply to kvolm2016]

Thank you for your help. And yes I know that a structured will definitely help. My therapist has been wanting me to try and go back to the gym, I haven’t yet cause I guess I feel out of shape and don’t want to look like that in a public gym. I know I shouldn’t even think like that, cause obviously the gym is where everyone goes to get into shape. It’s just that I’ve always been a weightlifter and being a bit out of shape makes me self conscious. And now with the holidays I’ve been a little down. My bdays coming this weekend and I want to make the best of it. I want my daughter to be able to enjoy a happy daddy. Sometimes I dwell too much in the past, and I think too much of the what if’s. I know I have the tools to get better with my recovery, it’s just that I have to put them to good use. SAMSON

[kvolm2016 in reply to Strongest123]

Hoping you can experience your birthday through the eyes of your daughter since 8 year olds usually bring plenty of anticipation and joy to celebrating!

I also wonder if she can be your motivation to forward thinking instead of dwelling on the past? There is much life still ahead for her and to keep yourself in the best physical and emotional health so that you can bring your best to the relationship with her, might be motivation to keep on track each day with using all the tools and resources available to you.