Unsure why im feeling this way

[Kevin87]

Hi all-

First of all before I go on about myself I’d like to offer up the time if anyone needs to talk today! Please send me a direct message and we can chat about whatever you’re feeling

So ok-

For the last few weeks I have been feeling very depressed and worthless. Incredibly dark and obsessive thoughts have been creeping in and stealing away my happiness. You know how it is, you can’t get things out of your mind and it leaves you like an empty shell. The feelings of depression are still so prevalent even years later and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get passed this. Thoughts of losing loved ones, career failure, and my own self deprecation are typically The thoughts that come through. Sometimes I wonder what steps I would be willing to take to he rid of it, and I’m chasing a happiness that doesn’t exist in the way I think it does. So I guess you could say I’m trying to fill an unfillable hole. Or to put more accurately, the hole can be filled but I’m not filling it with the right things.

I want to feel happy again, I want to feel like I’m not wasting my time here. What do you guys do when you’re feeling upset, when you’re in the “I’m too upset to move or Do anything” state?

Sometimes I feel like I’m only temporarily chasing away the dark thoughts and it’s just something that will always be for me.

[Kevin87]

I should also probably mention how short my fuse has been lately, I almost feel like I have an anger issue now- or at the very least I’m having extreme and unrealistic teactjons to things that wouldn’t need them

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Kevin87]

It has been my experience that anger comes from pain and frustration. When I have a short fuse it's usually because my anxiety and depression are especially bad or because I am frustrated the people closest to me can't understand or don't appreciate the things I do for them. Some days I can't take a shower but still make sure there is something for dinner and a fresh pot of coffee when my husband gets up. He is a nurse and works twelve hour shifts 7pm to 7am. Yesterday I had a fit over a new dishwasher I didn't like and didn't want. My daughter and mother in law bought it as a Christmas gift for my husband and I. So I guess the dishwasher I hate will be my one and only Christmas gift this year.

[EleanorRose]

Hi Kevin87,

I am sorry you’re going through this at the moment. I have been feeling very similarly of late. I don’t have the ‘answer’ , I wish I did, just wanted you to know you’re not alone in feeling like this. If you want to chat about it, feel free to drop me a message, always here if anyone needs to talk.

Take care of yourself,

Eleanor

[Kevin87 in reply to EleanorRose]

It’s weird! This time of year isn’t too great, I have an amazing family and people around me but I always get bummed during the holidays for some reason. I read through your posts and it looks like we are dealing with a lot of the same emotions right now! I hope you find rest and if you need to drop a message I’m always here

[Mrspjsmom]

First of all you are not worthless. Each of us has something to offer even when we can't see it. When I am upset I journal, listen to music or listen to a guided meditation on an app called Insight Timer. I also brush my cat Oliver. You will find what works for you. As for being happy that is a term that means something different to everyone. I would just like to not feel bad. Happiness for me isn't constant it's fleeting moments here and there. HUGS and BLESSINGS!