Competitive and Comparison Thoughts

[Magicdreamer]

Hello beautiful people. 💚💙☀️ This week I've been focusing on where the emotions of jealousy and envy come from within. I'm discovering competitive thoughts as well as comparison all relating to 'wanting' and 'needing'. Wanting to be first to win the prize or be the best to win in favour of love, approval and adoration from others. Jealousy thoughts have also lead me to the discovery of wanting to own someone, for example, MY Father, MY husband, etc. all relating to behaviours of obsessive possession, they belong to me. My entire life, I've suffered from chronic jealousy as well as envy where I've compared myself to other women and become jealous that my partner may leave me as I see my self through believing the thoughts that I'm less than and not good enough which feeds the illusion of not being worthy, deserving of love... with these thoughts, I have created the scenarios where my partner's have left me for other women.

Today, ibwake up to a new day of possibilities and hope as Grace hold space in my mind with a new fresh understanding and realisation knowing that I can love people but don't need to need them.. I continue to follow the desperation, insecurity and vulnerability fears as I travel inward and more deeply to find the worst case scenarios so I can penetrate and learn the terrifying illusion of fear. Im in an amazing new space and and feel more clearer and peaceful and I'm so enthusiastic about finding out more.

Love to All. 💙💚🌹💎

[Hidden]

Seems like you're on the right track. Sounds wise to me.

[BossMom2019]

Has your partners ever given you a reason to think that way? I’m like that with my partner but I’ve been given reason to think this way

[Magicdreamer in reply to BossMom2019]

Yeah, I was suspicious of them and it turned out to be a projection of my own thinking which I didn't understand before. I have cheated on partners as well because I acted on the thoughts that I needed more. I'm only starting to chip at the top of the iceberg so this is what I've started to realise. I was also very needy and clingy and desperate for attention. Very selfish and greedy. I'm learning that true love has no expectation or a need to hold onto someone. We all have the capability of feeling the love within so it's a journey inward to find that so, I continue to unravel the desperate clingy and needy emotions attached to the thoughts I need love, attention, etc. outside of me. It's a very selfish way that I've been taught. More than this I don't know. 😂 I'm still learning but I definitely use to blame my partner's for leaving me which I now understand sent me deep into victim mode. I battle to heal anything in victim mode. It's swamp city. 😂

[Magicdreamer]

Pleasure. 😊 What does ssd stand for?

[Magicdreamer]

Oh okay. I've heard that that's an anxiety wake up at 3am with the thought... I'm not supported. Life doesn't support me but I've not experienced that yet. 💚