Obsessive Thoughts About My Marriage

[arcenciel]

My anxiety seems to have focused on obsessive thoughts about my marriage: whether I should end it. These are thoughts I don't want to have, but there they are. I'm in this cycle where I'm trying to decide if the thoughts are real or are just lies. I don't want to have them, but is that because they're truly what I want and I can't face it? Or are they just frightening thoughts that have settled on something that really frightens me. I love my husband, and he is being so supportive. He's an excellent person. Does anyone else have this type of pattern of thinking?

[abc1517]

Yes. I’ve never married because my thought patterns about men and relationships cause me so much anxiety. I’ve met some great guys too. What is it that’s making you want to leave?

[arcenciel in reply to abc1517]

The whole problem is that there isn't anything making me want to leave. It's just frightening thoughts about leaving: the break-up talk, selling the house, becoming even more depressed, failing him, moving back in with my elderly mother until I recover. And then what? Start looking for another man? After giving up this one who's been so good to me? Not perfect, but good. I know I sound completely crazy. Sorry.

[abc1517 in reply to arcenciel]

No you don’t sound crazy to me at all. I have those same thoughts when I am in a relationship. Always thinking of things falling apart and how I would have to piece my life back together. It is exhausting and makes me so afraid. Have you tried therapy?

[arcenciel in reply to abc1517]

Yes, I started therapy a few weeks ago. Funny, that's when I feel my best because I can get all this out. The release is a blessing. Thank you for understanding.

[fauxartist in reply to abc1517]

I am in a loving relationship now,....but I have to still fight off the fears of being hurt...it's just old tapes for me that play in the background....it just goes on from my emotional and physical abandonment as a kid....I don't know of course what your feelings around your marriage stem from, but I would say that if you haven't tried therapy with someone who understands your issues and you can connect well with...trust them...it may be worth a try. I also did some group and art therapy sessions. All was very helpful.

[peacewmyself]

Yes....battles with self esteem on top of anxiety & depression makes a person feel like they dnt deserve happiness. I struggle with this all day everyday. Our minds are our worst enemy. Its a constant battle for me too. Keep telling yourself you are worthy & receive it...my poor hubby deals with my insecurities better than I do. Be kind to yourself.

[arcenciel in reply to peacewmyself]

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

[fauxartist in reply to peacewmyself]

your right on that note peacewmyself....we can be our own worst enemy...I often get reminded when I'm being too worried about 'stuff' to get out of my own way, that I can't control what's going to happen anyway....and to just do what you can do...and leave the rest.

[Delora]

Although I am not married I do understand this feeling. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and although he struggles to, he does try his best to understand and be supportive. We have a deal that I tell him what I'm thinking and we talk though it together because it normally is just my anxiety taking over rather than a real life issue within our relationship.

I think opening up in some form of way helps, sometimes just getting the thought out of your head and into the real world helps fix that disconnect between the anxious mind and real life.

I wish you all the best x

[arcenciel in reply to Delora]

I really appreciate this advice. Keeping it inside makes it worse. It has to be brought out of the shadows.

[Rpan]

I’m married and have been for many years. My most recent issues with anxiety/depression revolve around whether or not I want to continue with our marriage. I learned recently the the marriage is just the title to the book and that the marriage has many chapters. My wife and I are starting couple counseling next week, and I’m scared about it. I’m at the point that I don’t know if I’m willing to put the work into it as I resent her in some ways. I can’t help but to believe that this is normal for long term relationships. I just don’t know how to work through it. I was told until I address these issues and get past them, that these issues will plague the next relationship if I do choose to walk away. Just the thought of walking away causes me such anxiety because I too don’t know if this is the right choice. It all seems so complicated, I don’t have many answers. As you can see I’m having the same issue, maybe just different chapters in the book of marriage. So I truest do understand how you feel. Yes it is depressing. I think all marriages go through this at one point or another. I hope this help you to breath easier

[arcenciel in reply to Rpan]

Thank you so much for identifying with my situation. It's good to know that you're not alone in your fears.

[Byelka]

You're not alone! I'm in a loving marriage and I also have these thoughts. It might help to write these thoughts down, then reread them later when your mind is more clear. It might help so you can gain a different perspective. You may find out reread them and can laugh at how silly they seem later, or you may find they still ring true and it may be necessary to bring your husband into the conversation. I would say as long as there's no abuse happening (whether emotional of physical) don't feel pressured to know the answers right now, and if he's supportive it may be helpful to talk with him more about how you're feeling (when you're calm).

[arcenciel in reply to Byelka]

Excellent advice. Thank you.

[OCT_78]

I HAVE THE SAME RUNNING THOUGHTS !

I was loved as a child hower my mother used

To beat me to teach me a lesson...

So each time I would come with a report that came with negative comments she would slash me if I'd the impluse to move away she would double each hit and step on my foot so I don't runaway! There were more dad days then good ones! At the time they did not know how to talk to ADHD or excutive function children only mark in the report card if "if he maded more effort if he focus in class if he payed attention...

So you can see were I lost the joy school was branding me at home and I had no control over my attention; recall and memory and emotions... This is all link to executive functions. The beating continued up to my 23 years of age. At this point I reacted and hit her with the piece of steal she was beating me with

5years after she died of and lung infection due to her cancer which I had no idea of...

So yeah! Very guilty...