I Remembered What I Forgot...

I've been thinking about what to write pretty much all night. Every time I woke up, it was on my mind. So, here goes. Since being here, I've become a bit of a different person. I was feeling like I was actually helping other people feel better and that made me feel better, not only writing about myself but chiming in on other posts as well. Last night I was writing back to someone whose posts were a bit violent. I saw that the community was being its usual hosts of lovely and supportive selves and it made the corners of my mouth turn up at how kind everyone was being. Now, this is the rub. I wasn't brought up with support and kindness. I was brought up with given the ugly truth in my face. I was brought up to get a decent beating, then wash my face and collect myself to go out and visit a neighbor. I was brought up with a bit of extremist "tough love". So, me being the "non-professional" that I am, I wrote back to this person in a bit of a not so compassionate manner. I was pretty matter of fact, though I didn't browbeat. I was stern and well lets just say not particularly gentle. Umm, I kind of did the good cop bad cop thing and played bad cop. Afterward, I realized it wasn't a great choice. I was lucky enough to be able to apologize to the person who originally posted after I was very professionally, privately messaged by a veteran of the community, who explained a little of the background story (that was classy btw). I felt like total sh*t, because I realized that I could potentially be the cause of something awful happening, and I know I wouldn't handle that well, so it stayed with me the whole night. So I just wanted to say that I've remembered what I had forgotten. I'm just a member here, a slightly (well more than slightly but we'll leave it at that) broken, very new to the site, person who got carried away with what she felt was good intention. We all know what that paves right? Ugh, so I formally apologize now to anyone whom I might have hurt or offended, "I'm sorry I was totally wrong", and I'll try and keep my bad cop busy doing other things. I hope you won't hate me too much, for too long. That would really suck.

With Love Always...AU

[sweetiepye]

Oh Sister, you don't know how many times over my years here I have had to write exactly the same response. It has taken me some time to grow to the point where I don't verbally jump on someone. Occasionally it still gets away from me, but I can honestly say the anger has abated and I feel kinder and more peaceful. Don't beat yourself up just do over. Pam

[Hidden]

I think your amazing 😊👍🏻🌲🦌

[Magicdreamer]

Hello Sweetness. All I know is that we're all doing the best we can. I'm learning to tell myself that. Another incredibly insightful thing I'm working on, is that you can't actually hurt anyone. No-one can hurt me but me. It's absolutely impossible to figure out what's on in someone else's mind nevermind my own so I'm learning that everything I've ever believed in, is actually a lie. I also from extreme environments but it's exactly as it's meant to be. I catch myself thinking, 'if only I had come from a loving family'.... But that too, is a lie. Love and Light ,Angel. 💐💚

[Hidden in reply to Magicdreamer]

Hi Magic,

You've made valid points and given me more to think about (my overthinker says...thanks a lot pal lol!) But honestly, I'm working on myself too and I have to make sure to add what you said to my list because SO many people are A-holes without even knowing it. We can't change that, but we can change what we do with it. I say kick rocks with it! lol

WLA...AU

[Magicdreamer in reply to Hidden]

💐