I went to a therapist for the first time and it was horrible

[Lunazay]

I really screwed up this time. I had a chance to say what I want to feel with out any judgment but all I did is walk into that room, look that therapisr/psychiatrist in the eye and smile. The whole time, I faked a nonexistent expectational laugh. Just like what I do to everyone. I act happy but in reality, I'm in deep pain. I can't believe I did that to my therapist to. I hate the fact that I can't speak my feelings to anyone not my friend, nor my sister's that hate me for nothing, nor my mom, nit even my therapist. Uhhhhhhh I'm either gonna live in a deep dark whole forever or I'm going to die young. Both are sad but I'm trapped in something I can't get out of. I know I won't get better

[Michael8072]

It’s a big step going to see a therapist. Can be kinda scary talking about your feelings. It’s great that you went. That’s a big first step. I’m sorry it didn’t go as you hoped. But don’t give up. Try and go again. Maybe you can slowly work your way up and maybe share a little at a time. Try and take it easy on your self as well. Most of the time we are always hardest on ourselves and sometimes we have to just take a deep breath and be easy on ourselves.

Is there something holding you back from sharing what your feeling?

[Lunazay in reply to Michael8072]

I think judgment holds me back. I always feel like I'm being stared at In a weird way aND people always do which scares me but thanks for the advice

[Michael8072 in reply to Lunazay]

I totally understand. No one likes to be judged and to be stared at in that way. I hope you find a safe space where you don’t feel like your being judged and you can share some of your feelings. Even if it’s just a little at a time. Just getting a little out can be big and lead to feeling more comfortable talking about your feelings.

I have to listen to what I’m telling you as well. I’ve only really just begun to share with people how I’m feeling. I used to just bury and just tell everyone I’m okay when I’m reality I was hurting inside. I know it’s not easy to share feelings. But if you can find just one person to just share a little with and just see what happens from there. I really wish you well.

[BrainFog-Ninja]

Wow! First visit to therapist. Yay for you! That’s a commendable step, and is usually pretty unsettling at the least.

Sorry you are flogging yourself now for not opening up on day 1. Try not to be so hard on yourself. That isn’t unusual at all. It can take a some time to get comfortable, open up, and speak honestly to your therapist. No worries. You can have another go at it next time...and the next.

Sometimes we who judge ourselves so harshly...are convinced others must be doing the same. In reality, rarely does anyone judge us like we do ourselves.

Many years ago I stopped being hard on me. Coincidentally...about that same time, so did everyone else (in my own mind). In my book, you get a 🏅 even if you just say there and said nothing. Way to go! 🍄 🌸 🌞

[KekEstacado]

Don't worry, thats part of the process on the therapy, give yourself tomé and don't stop going on your sessions with the time you will talk about how do you feel

[Hidden]

Good for you for making that first step! What you did is really big, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Of course it’s hard opening up, even to a professional, especially if you kept the truth hidden for a while. My friend had a similar problem, and so she thought maybe writing some feelings down, and also stuff she would like to talk about, would help, and it did. She brought the paper with her, read everything to the therapist and it made a big difference.

The important thing is you don’t give up! We got you! Sending lots of hugs.

[Likeabadstorm]

You took the first step, which tells me you have a glimmer of hope you can get better. It’s hard feeling like you’ll never get better and that is how I feel a lot of times with all my physical symptoms, but I cannot let go of faith or hope and there are so many stories on here to where people have gotten better. So you can get better, just try to believe in yourself and give yourself a chance. Next appt with your therapist try to be honest with them about your first appt telling them how you faked a smile and faked being happy.

[CatK1991]

I wouldn't put yourself down, as everyone has said it's a huge step making the decision to see a therapist, I know you feel like you've messed it up but you haven't, you wouldn't have booked to go see a therapist if you didn't feel you need to and the therapist would have known that, if you can I would book to go again but if you feel you can't say how you're feeling then it might be worth writing in a notepad, when you feel down or when something is bothering you write it all down and take it with you, you can either show it to your therapist or it can be your notes to help you explain the feelings and situations you find yourself in but again it is a big step even booking an appointment for a therapist so i wouldn't feel disheartened about it, you're taking the necessary steps and you'll be surprised how much that helps...hope all goes well