To find the way forward you have to go back to the beginning.

[Jeff1943]

How did your anxiety and depression begin? What was it a reaction to? The usual suspects include an abusive partner or boss, over work, disappointment, grief, loss, money worries, guilt, health worries etc. Hopefully not all at the same time🤔

If so then you should neutralise the cause before you go any further. This may involve you in major changes and an element of ruthlessness that does not come easy.

More often than not, the original cause of your anxiety and nervous depletion is long gone but the over sensitivity of your nervous system continues. Having experienced fear then fear of fear becomes the driving force and the process becomes self-perpetuating.

Anxiety and depression feed on fear so we become caught on a tread mill of symptoms causing fear causing anxiety causing more symptoms causing more fear and so on: running round in circles and getting nowhere.

If only we could stop the fear that fuels our over sensitised nerves. If only.

Over the past 50 years millions* have achieved precisely that using a simple method of temporarily accepting the symptoms of our distress. We must agree to co-exist for the moment and stop fighting our anxiety for fighting only causes more stress and strain - the very last things we need.

So knowing that our symptoms and bad feelings are 'only' the result of an exhausted nervous system we truly accept them without expecting any immediate change: slowly we replace fear with Acceptance. I said it was simple, I never said it was easy.

The late Doctor Claire Weekes who created the Acceptance method has been called 'the woman who cracked the anxiety code'. She was nominated for a Nobel Prize for her contribution to recovery from mental illness.

Her first book was written before most people on this forum were born and it has withstood the test of time. It was published in the U.K. as "Self help for your nerves" and in the U.S. as "Hope and help for your nerves". The book is easily obtainable new or used on Amazon or Ebay and there is an e-book version.

Claire Weekes, the author, claimed that no matter how long or how deeply you have suffered then with practice and persistence her method will cure you. The book is short, easy to read and devoid of technical terms.

This self-help book has brought respite and cure to millions* and continues to do so.

Why not join Claire Weekes' hopeful band of travellers as they journey along the Yellow Brick Road to recovery?

*David Barlow, Emiritus Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry at Boston University.

[Fruitsofspirit]

I've been through so much, not all at the same time. I thought I face all my hardship of my life. I'm a comforter. I didn't want to be weight down. My 1st time was my husband got sent to dessert Strom. Go the call christmas Eve to be there at 4 am the next day. We had teen girls that started getting problem from. Running away, drugs. We own 2 business. I had to keep them going. Everything was overwhelmed for me. I started feeling nervous, antzy, couldn't sleep. Crying etc. After months of trying to hold myself together went to the Doctor. Back then ur Dr knew everything about you. And he told me with what I been through he surprised I didn't have depression longer before. He give prozac. But I fought to not take it cuz I believe in the Lord, felt if I did take meds l would be failing the Lord. I was going to a bible study and out pastor and our group share with me I wouldn't be failing the Lord. Finely I gave in. By this time I was real bad. It took weeks then I was doing good. Then year later my granddaughter freind mother got really mad cuz my granddaughter ask her why she send her daughter to lie to a friend of theirs. She got really mad grab her daughter yelling at us. Me believing in keeping peace we went to her home it was like I couldn't get her to calm down so we could talk this out. So we were leaving I was already in the truck, keys in started truck up before I knew it she drove over my granddaughter, laiding on top of me and she trying to get my keys when she couldn't she started beating and pulling my hair with COPD I was having problems I could feel my granddaughter trying to get out from us so she finely got out kick her out of the truck to close the door and get her legs in so we could get out of there. She try slamming the door on my granddaughter legs. We finely got out of there. I got my granddaughter help. That when the second time my depression over welm me. It was like I relive everything bad that ever happened to me. Hasn't let up since.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Fruitsofspirit]

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. That mother of your granddaughter's friend deserves to spend a long time in the Big House, I hope she was prosecuted for her dreadful behaviour towards you and your granddaughter and got a long sentence. Though either way the experience has left a scar on your mind.You must tell yourself that you did nothing to deserve what happened and you protected your gdaughter. No blame attaches to you. Easy to say I know but you must draw a line over what happened. I hope your life takes a turn for the better, it's certainly time that it did.

[Fruitsofspirit in reply to Jeff1943]

I have been telling myself that. Now my granddaughter treat me rude, very abused verbal. She very bi polor. It's like she blames me. She loss friends. Her and husband have 2 kids the oldest has been close to us her whole life. When her mom mad with us she uses her that she can't come to our home to see us. The other child barely know cuz she mad at us most of the time. Her oldest is acting out towards her mom now with all this going on. For that mother even the judge said she should be in jail. But DA did nothing. She couldn't be around us. 50 feet.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Fruitsofspirit]

I have a daughter like that, I feel your pain, though now the grandchildren are grown up and she can no longer use them as bargaining tools. And when they have truly grown up they know who their friends really are and return the love we have bestowed on them.

[Hidden]

Yes, fear is the fuel that drives anxiety, in many cases. I have learned that sometimes the fear doesn't go away so we have to do it afraid. Many times the fear, which is also fueled by our thoughts about the fear itself, control every aspect of our day.

For me, personally, the challenge is to let go of the past, rather than relive it every day. Staying present in the moment and not being anxious about tomorrow is something else I am working on.

[Thissucks37]

What does it mean to accept it? How is that done.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Thissucks37]

Make a mental commitment not to 'wish away' the symptoms of anxiety disorder. For the time being.

Let them come and visit you: meet them with non-resistance. Let every muscle in your body go limp. First your arms, then your legs, then your body, then your jaw. Imagine there's a large muscle where your brain is, feel that relax and unwind too. Let all tension depart from your body.

Imagine the anxiety coming as a great wave that crashes over a rock on the shore, sweeps past it and then retreats. The rock endures. You are that rock. The din and violence of the wave is great but it cannot harm you.

Do not keep 'checking' to see if the bad feeling has gone. This is not accepting, it is fighting which releases more adrenaline and cortisol: the hormones of fear which in excess are keeping your nervous system over sensitised.

Carry on with your life as normal, confident that the days of your anxiety are numbered. But do not expect results by tea time for the fourth imperative of Weekes' system is 'Let time pass.'

Carry on as normal by 'floating'. Feel yourself propelled through your day, effortlessly, by some invisible force. 'Floating' is the third imperative.

Eventually you won't be bothered whether the symptoms of anxiety are with you today or not. Such is your acceptance which is replacing fear. You have other things to do than dwell on your anxiety.

Denied the hormones of fear on which anxiety thrives you nerves become less sensitive and the symptoms diminish.

This is only a short outline of 'accepting' which cannot do full justice to Weekes' own description in the previously mentioned book.

Nobody can do Acceptance for you, you have to do it yourself. Merely knowing how Acceptance brings recovery having read the book is not the cure. Only practice and persistence can do that.

If you're looking for an instant 'magic bullet' cure this is not it. Neither is it easy. But it's still a lot easier than putting up with anxiety disorder day in, day out.

Face. Accept. Float. Let time pass.

Read the book.

[Thissucks37 in reply to Jeff1943]

Okay I will. Thanks for the explanation.

[secrets22]

i will look this book up...thankyou.

[kenster1]

remember liking this post when you posted it Jeff during my last therapy sessions my therapist was focussed only on the here and now my past my beginnings didn`t seem to matter to him and that was hard and kind of left me in limbo now so having to try and work it out a lone ranger.

[Jeff1943 in reply to kenster1]

Thankyou kenster1, Those whose present anxiety or depression are prompted by traumatic events in the past must be encouraged to come to terms with what has happened and find some way of acceptance in order to move forward. We would better use our energy to change those things that can be changed rather than those which have happened and cannot be reversed.

Also, if our suffering is caused by something unresolved which continues to cause distress that should be professionally addressed and neutralised. All obvious stuff I know, all easily said.

Hopefully these issues can be sorted without undue delay so we can concentrate on finding respite and recovery from the aftershock that can continue as anxiety disorder long after the original causes are resolved.

Could you maybe ask your therapist if he or she could refocus on your past and beginnings as you feel they are affecting your present?

[kenster1 in reply to Jeff1943]

sadly our sessions are finished and on my last one I brought up being abused and that response lasted less than 2 minutes and that`s not going to be resolved for years as child abuse sessions are going back to the furthest dates first.

[kenster1 in reply to kenster1]

sorry meant to say enquiries into abuse dating back years ago being dealt with first so mine is un resolved and will be for years.

[Jeff1943 in reply to kenster1]

That's good that who offended against you should pay for their offences even though they occurred some time ago and they thought they had got away with it. That will bring you some satisfaction but doesn't remove the lasting trauma.

No guilt attaches itself to you, no blame at all. Do not entertain any thought to the contrary. I hope you can move forward soon regardless of when justice is done. Do not give this bas**rd the satisfaction of continuing to cause suffering all these years afterwards.