It's been a while since I've posted on here, but since my anxiety has heightened I wanted to come on here to talk about how I'm feeling. I haven't seen a counselor in over a year since I've been feeling better and my anxiety has been far and few in between. Today thought my anxiety was the worst its been in a long time and I think it's just because of a build-up of emotions that I haven't dealt with and on top of that being sick.
I find that whenever I get sick, whether it's a cold, sinus infection, or something else my anxiety tends to heighten to different varieties. Sometimes I'm easily able to control it after a few minutes, sometimes it takes an hour but it usually ends up going away. I currently have strep and I think a sinus infection so I'm not feeling super great, but today I was triggered. I was watching a youtube video and someone was talking about the death of their father and it triggered me. It made me think about the death of my grandfather, who passed away in January 2018, and thinking about my grandma dying sometime in the future and life without her. It's scary to think about because right now I don't like how things are. The past two days I've been home with my mom sick and the first day was fine, but the second day (today), I became triggered thinking about how I don't want to live like this, alone like I have no one but my grandma.
My grandma is probably the person I'm closest to and it scares me to live without her. I do have friends, but I don't get to see them very often since one just got married and the other moved to Colorado at the beginning of the summer, while I live in Ohio. I want to find people I can be close with and be able to spend time with them, but I always have social anxiety of reaching out and being turned away or finding people and then having them leave too. I'm scared of getting close to people because I feel like I'm not good enough and there's someone better for them to hang out with. I know I need to branch out though because I need to have other outlets besides my grandma. I just don't know where to go or how to find people since I don't drink. I know that I'll be okay I just need to get myself together and feel better about myself and life again. I'm taking steps to feel better again, I'm planning on going back to see a counselor again because it's something I know I need, and I'm looking to broaden my social life I just don't know where to start with that.
I was wondering though if anyone has higher anxiety when they get sick? or what others do when they get anxious. Thank you!