Those First Steps

[princesslanie]

I never thought I'd have to imagine feeling like I was taking baby steps again. Then life hits you with anxiety and depression. It affects different people in different ways. I lost myself and succumbed so easily. No motivation or ambition to even try. To be honest, I've only had a single person as my support in my personal life. He has been truly trying to understand and get me to open up and it's been difficult for both of us. We've always had healthy debates, but now everything feels like a fight. I always feel bad or guilty afterwards. Forget my self esteem. Trying to express it is hard. I've never been into writing. Art is just not what I can relate to nor have I had connection to music even. Everything else had just seemed overwhelming. I was sitting in the bedroom yesterday in bed just staring at the headboard and crying. About nothing. About everything. I thought he was frustrated and ignoring me. Then he just waltzes in to hold me and lay with me. He just doesn't know what to do for me or us. I want to be better. I don't know how. I don't know what is needed from him either. But I know he misses me. I do too. I know he is trying everything and doing whatever it takes to help get me back to me. It is not at all easy. I've also never loved someone so much who loves me so much. The only thing I can hold onto is that. If my only motivation right now is to not give up, that's still more than yesterday. If tomorrow, it's to try just a millimeter harder, that's more than today. Every tiny little baby step counts.

[Hidden]

Hello princesslanie. You are so right to say baby steps is what it takes. All we can do is take our time and do things slowly. I am so pleased you have somebody in your life who is understanding and that you love each other. Having support makes so much difference. I hope today is a better day.

[1947treble]

You're obviously dealing with some very heavy problems right now. I sometimes get blindsided suddenly by serious and nearly crippling depression. Every moment seems to take hours and I am thrown into complete disarray. It's an immensely rough situation. However, you are keeping a really healthy perspective and clear head toward it. That must be a big help.