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[Just-hanging]

So I was diagnosed with depression when I was 19 - after I had a miscarriage and my bf left me because of it and then I lost my job.

I've had my ups and downs every since. No medication. Last year when I was 6months pregnant I had an argument with my brother which caused me to have a panic attack and ever since I am down a lot of the time.

I want to be the best mum I can be but feel even worse when I have a massive panic attack and my son is there. I put him in his cot and sit where he can't see me.

My triggers tend to be my brothers. A few months ago one had a go that I was a fat lazy C! Which set me off.

Yesterday another one of my brothers had a go which set me off then tonight he had another go.

I've never had the greatest relationship with my older brother but do anything and everything for his kids. Yet he has a go at me for living with my parents and my baby.

I don't know why my brothers get to me so much but they do and when I've spoken to them or mum they don't see depression as real.

Just at a loss. I've been to behaviour therapy and nothing has changed.

[Depressed1996]

Unfortunately the symptoms of depression and anxiety can look like laziness to the people who do not understand the condition.

Are they aware of how sad you are? It sounds like your having an extremely rough time and I'm sorry your brothers do not see that.

Have you talked to your brothers about how you feel?

As a guy (me) I know this could be tough for you(talking to your brothers) Guys Are very very hard headed. I went from being that dude that when someone told me they were depressed I would respond "how can you not be happy" or something just as non understanding of the illness itself. I'm now on the opposite side of the spectrum. I completely feel terrible for all the people who suffer though it. I feel even worse seeing all the people on here with life long depression.

[Just-hanging in reply to Depressed1996]

Thanks for you reply.

I've spoken to my brothers. Yet they don't see it as a real thing. I tried speaking to my mum but she's on my brothers side.

It's very hard with 3 brothers and being the only girl. They've all had everything handed to them on plates and I've had to work extremely hard in life just to be knocked down again.

I understand that sibling bickering is apart of life. But they are so cruel and purposely try to "shame" me.

I live at home with my parents, my son, my partner, my brother and his gf. They all come home to a clean house, full fridge and warm dinner. I wouldn't call that lazy

But the more they shame me the worse my depression gets. I can't block it out anymore

[Depressed1996 in reply to Just-hanging]

When I said lazy I ment from the response of them calling you a "lazy c"

I was disagreeing with what your brothers called you

I do not think you lazy at all I was concerned about your brothers calling you that when you are a mother.

[Just-hanging in reply to Depressed1996]

Yes no I understood that. My response of I wouldn't call that lazy was more for them(even thought they aren't here and can't read this)

But was saying it in general.

But thank you 🙂

[blackcat64013]

Hi and welcome LynLoo,

Relationships are always difficult. Some people will not change so the only thing to do is change the way you think and act towards the other person.

There is a reasonably new therapy available which you might like to try.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) gets it name from one of its core messages: accept what is out of your personal control, and commit to action that improves and enriches your life. The aim of ACT is to maximise human potential for a rich, full and meaningful life.

Can I recommend a self-help workbook called " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life "

Courtesy of Booktopia.com.au

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a new approach to psychotherapy that rethinks even our most basic assumptions of mental well-being. Starting with the assumption that the normal condition of human existence is suffering and struggle, ACT works by first encouraging individuals to accept their lives as they are in the here and now. This acceptance is an antidote to the problem of avoidance, which ACT views as among the greatest risk factors for unnecessary suffering and poor mental health. The process of ACT includes help for individuals to identify a set of core values, a personal set of objectives that matter to them personally. The therapy then encourages the individual to commit to behavior that furthers these values despite potentially painful emotional obstacles.

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life offers a five-step plan for coping with painful emotions such as anxiety and depression. It teaches you how to learn life-enhancing behavior strategies that work to further the goals you value most. You'll learn to engage with and overcome painful thoughts and feelings with step-by-step acceptance and mindfulness-based techniques. You'll find out how to let go of control, and develop compassion and flexibility. The realization that painful feelings cannot be controlled will open you to the possibility of fully emotional living. Once present, engaged, and aware, you can begin to build new lives for yourself filled with significance and meaning. This book is not about overcoming pain or fighting emotions; it's about embracing life and feeling everything it has to offer. In this way, it offers a way out of suffering by choosing to life a life based on what matters most.

This book develops acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), a revolutionary and exciting new direction in psychotherapy, into step-by-step exercises readers can use to get relief from emotional pain. Written by ACT's founding theorist, the book offers a self-help program proven to be effective for coping with a range of problems, from anxiety to depression, eating disorders to poor self-esteem.

amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-In...

There are lots of tips about how to have difficult conversations on the internet of things, so see if anything there helps with your brothers.

[Depressed1996]

Ok cool haha I was worried. I would never mean to be offensive on here.

How does your other parent that you live with feel about the situation?

I use to get a lot of shit from my family. I still do. They think that a job would be a magic pill for me sometimes. I did end up working for awhile but quit because I could not take the stress on my mental health. I was so depressed. After this I found that going to counseling and bringing along a family member so my counselor could explain how severe the depression really was. She explained to them how debilitating it can be. I'm not sure if maybe one of your brothers would want to do this but it's just a suggestion.

I wish you the best. No one deserves to be suffer from anxiety

[Just-hanging in reply to Depressed1996]

You didn't cause any offence at all!

My dad doesn't get involved. He likes to stay away from the drama. He says I'm too sensitive.

Oh no I'm sorry to hear that. It's difficult to control stress levels even more at work.

I worked up until Jan 2016. I had some sort of job from when I was 14. So worked for nearly 10years. I even had a before school cleaning job at one stage.

I only left my last job as I became so ill during my pregnancy that my manager started to act like a twat.

I had counselling last year. And after I sat down with my younger brother and had a honest open conversation with him and he just didn't care.

Unfortunately my brothers think depression is made up and won't take it seriously unless they experience it.

Thank you for messaging though. It's nice to have someone to talk to, especially late at night when I can't sleep 😐

[Depressed1996 in reply to Just-hanging]

Always hear to listen well I don't hope depression on your brothers but I do hope that something eventually will change there perspective on depression. That must be terrible to deal with. Can't imagine trying to have a heart to heart with a family member and them not take it seriously

Sorry for what you are going through.

Does your boyfriend help you through some of it?

[Just-hanging in reply to Depressed1996]

I wouldn't wish anything bad on any of them. I've always been there for them

He helps as much as he can. He works long hours and sleeps in another room (his snoring is horrible!!)

He's sympathetic, cares and will take our son a lot so I can have some time. But he doesn't understand how I fully feel and what I'm going through so finds it difficult in how to help

[Hidden]

You've had a series of bad experiences and that's really unfortunate. Any one of them would make anyone sad and you don't bounce back quickly. I've been through some of these things myself and so have others.

Your brothers aren't being understanding or sympathetic and you can't expect much support from them. Look to others for support and understanding.

[Just-hanging in reply to Hidden]

That's why I've joined here. To speak to others in similar places.

[Depressed1996]

how's your day going today?

[Just-hanging in reply to Depressed1996]

It's been ok - a few moments Where I just sat crying for no reason. But My partner took the day off work to look after our son so we went for a nice lunch and I was able to have a chilled afternoon to myself. Thanks for asking! How have you been?