At a lose

[keep23]

I’m scared to post but figured I would give it a try...i have been super depressed the last couple of months...I have been trying to reach out to my girlfriend and found out she doesn’t understand depression and just thinks I should change my out look on life if I’m not happy change it...that’s a lot easier said than done...she left and went home for 2 months it was only suppose to be a month but she changed the date 3 times before actually coming back...That kicked up my anxiety thinking she didn’t want to come back and be with me...then when she finally came back she decided she wants to live on her own and just come and visit me...I feel like I did something wrong and I can’t help it...I’m worried she is going to break up with me so I ask her everyday and it’s just making it worse...she needs her space but I can’t help to keep pushing and I know I’m going to make it worse and every time after I say something I always regret knowing it was wrong...I don’t see myself as someone worthy of anything...I have the worst thoughts about myself and it makes it soo hard to do things...I have no confidence...I need to figure out something before I get worse and do something bad...any ideas other than sitting in a room with a therapist because I have a hard time opening up to people I don’t know face to face...this is hard but definitely easier than sitting in a room please help with some ideas I’m at a lose

[Hidden]

Mate you can talk to me..how long have you guys been together for and under the same roof?...when you mentioned get worse, and do something bad, what are you thinking of doing?..cheers

[EleanorRose]

Hey,

I’m really glad you found the courage to post. Opening up is really scary and it’s great that you’ve done it - hopefully it’ll feel a little less scary next time.

Sometimes we need help and advice from others, sometimes deep down we know the answers within ourselves but talking helps us to make sense of what we’re thinking - a lot of the time we just need to vent. Please keep posting and use this forum in whatever way you need.

Depression is definitely not just something you can change your outlook on. Often people who have never experienced it, don’t truly understand. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is finding it hard - you have said yourself she needs space and maybe you have to try to give it to her. It does sound like she is being a bit unfair on your right now though.

Do you think you end up getting more hurt when you push for the relationship? You obviously feel very deeply about her so I’m not surprised this is tough.

Low self-esteem, lack of confidence, feeling unworthy are all really common in depression. That is the depression talking and lying though - you are not unworthy. You deserve happiness and you deserve good things in your life. Depression does not make you unworthy, it just makes you feel unworthy and that’s not the same thing! I know from personal experience how hard it can seem to believe that at times but it is true.

Maybe you need to look into some ways to build self-esteem? Something online or a self help book, perhaps? It can be easier to make decisions for yourself when you value yourself. It’s tough for your girlfriend but it’s tough for you too - consider her feelings but don’t forget to consider yours. You are important and you matter.

There are lots of licensed online therapists nowadays. I have never used one personally so can’t vouch for how helpful or not they are but it could be an option to look into if you think you’d find face to face therapy hard.

Have you spoken to a doctor about your depression?