Losing hope

[Maymay30]

Im losing hope on my condition. Im on antidepressants for 6 months yet i keep having relapse. Its like my cognitive function keeps getting worse. Like having dementia. I suck at adulting already. I cant even do house chores like the old days. Whenever i try to do a task i need to repeatedly internalize something.( I have ocd of thoughts also actually.) which makes me perform a task for long hours. I feel like there's nothing i can do as an adult anymore. I cant be a nurse anymore if im like this. I cant go back to my complex work as a nurse anymore. I have no future. My chest tightens at this thought. I dont know what else could help me. Even trying to pray intrusive thoughts get in, then i try to counteract them until i get headaches and mind gets exhausted from doing all the work.trying to keep a positive imagination in my mind to counteract the thought. Im tired of my ocd, of these intrusive thoughts, of my depression, these feeling of deterioration. I even thought im having depersonalization disorder coz i dont know my self anymore, its like i dont know my identity how i interact with peopl even with my family. I overanalyze things. Im getting anxious because ive been resting for 3 months already. I need to get a job but how can I function if Im like this. Does anyone experience this too? Help

[Hidden]

Where you experiencing the same symptom intensity before you started taking an antidepressant? You might need to try a different medicine. What does your doctor say when you tell them about your symptoms?

[Maymay30 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for responding. My antidepressants somehow made me feel better but whenever i reach the end of the month, thats when i feel like relapse occurs. Like it only helped me a little but not really brought back my old self. Im scared to try new meds. It feels like going back to step 1 again.

[Hidden in reply to Maymay30]

I completely understand your apprehension with trying new medicines. You could just talk about trying a new medicine with your doctor? You do not have to do it. I think if you explained what is happening to you with a doctor they might be able to adjust your dose to help alleviate your symptoms. You won’t lose anything by just inquiring with your doctor. You are worth it to receive the best care for yourself.

[Maymay30 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for cheering me up

[Maymay30 in reply to Hidden]

The doctor have already adjusted the dosage. I would feel better at the middle of the month then at the end of the month its like im resistant to the meds. Last month of may I was on Escitalopram and olanzapine. It had nice effects because it really did something on my brain that prevents me from ocd and intrusive thoughts and with the presence of my family. I felt better, had days that i could laugh already. But then my stocks here at home was only good for the month of may. I ran out of olanzapine(which was only prescribed for one month) thats when i felt relapse creeping in again. Eventhough i motivate my self to think positive, my brain is just powerless and tired and positive thinking and comfort doesnt help anymore

[Maymay30 in reply to Hidden]

im suspecting ill be needing olanzapine a lot because thats where i felt better not really well but i had better days. Actually, the thing thats making me depressed is my intrusive thoughts and cognitive impairment. Whenever i feel thos things i get depressed

[Hidden in reply to Maymay30]

It sounds like your ocd could be caused by a chemical imbalance. You can’t beat yourself up about it if it is. It’s physical then. I would love to write more but it is 2:30 in the morning and I have to get to sleep.

[Maymay30 in reply to Hidden]

My doctor would usually tell me that those symptoms are part of my depression. So all we need to do is keep treating the condition. But I feel hopeless. Like everything is not working. Plus thinking of the expenses of my family.

[Hidden in reply to Maymay30]

I think you need a new doctor. They are their to help you. Medicine can sometimes make symptoms worse.

[Maymay30 in reply to Hidden]

If you dont mind me asking, have you experienced depression too? Or other disorder?

[Hidden in reply to Maymay30]

Yes I was agoraphobic for fourteen years. I am now panic free. It took me a long time and it wasn’t easy. I am on Zoloft which I found helps me.