I have joined anxiety and depression support, I wish I found it sooner. A few days, I was having a general conversation with my mum about eating habits. My mum has a habit of eating with her mouth open. As we know, we inherit different traits from our parents. It was something I was just wondered about because I have not been around my mother's parents as they live in Nigeria. Just simply asking, why did you ask that question, she began to snap on me. This incident occurred three days ago as not spoken to me since then. One thing I distaste about Nigerian parents my mum can never apologise for anything she always thinks right about everything. I have never got an apology for her "so-called" boyfriend sexually abusing me as a young child. This situation has changed our relationship forever as I do not trust her. She recently invited a man to the house and I have told her on several occasions to tell me who is coming over I do not feel comfortable and she continues to do it.
Sorry for the long post.
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SLE-Warrior
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I’m not sure Nigeria has anything to do with it although not living in that culture I can’t say it’s better or worse. There are cultural differences.
My mother aka The Mother has never been wrong. I can repeat what she just said and damn if I’m not wrong! I can’t make this stuff up. I do it in front of everybody so they know I’m not crazy. She’s an old white lady from Baltimore MD.
Narcissistic personality traits come in every form; even our children sometimes.
I’m curious what was the reason you asked her why she ate that way? You can’t change her. You set yourself up to get mad. I know why. It’s because she won’t validate the abuse.
May I suggest that for your own sake you stick to the thing that hurts you and not make more symptoms to cause drama in your life. You can only control yourself.
Have a Plan B for when she has company. Tell her she has to pay for a hotel room if you don’t have a friend you can stay with.
Keep your drama down. She has not validated you nor will she. You are valid though and you are worthy. She’s full of fear. She has to admit she failed if she validated you. It’s a long road for her too.
Go take over your life. Let the crazy old ladies go their way.
Hello BODILYPain27. I know all too well what it is like to deal with parents from such a culture. I love my father more than words can say but he never apologizes and everything is always everyone else’s fault. Any fault I find in him doesn’t exist and it’s SO frustrating.
There was a time when my dad was so angry at me for something I did (it was such a small thing that didn’t need such crazy consequences) and it led me to become suicidal and causes a lot of pain. Now, 6 years later, I am still trying to get through the pain he caused me and not once has he apologized for overreacting. Even the little things that he does, he never apologizes for. If he is blatantly wrong and I have the facts to prove that, he still doesn’t apologize.
Since your case is much more severe then mine given you’ve sexually abused, (which I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you) I think you need to set very firm boundaries with your mom. I know this is difficult because I’m not sure I could ever do that with my dad, but I believe that’s the first step to ending this madness. Is there anywhere you can stay or go when she has company over?
Having never experienced sexual abuse I can't imagine the harm it has caused you. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
On a lighter note I can relate to how your mother can't apologize or admit a mistake. My mom is stubborn that way and can't recognize other people's perspectives. Ironically, my mom also chews with her mouth open and makes loud noises. I guess it hasn't bothered me too much since I grew up with her but it drives my wife insane listening to it. Thankfully, we haven't had an argument over it yet.
I'm so sorry for the abuse you suffered as a young child. I can't even imagine how terrible this has been for you. I don't know about your mom and her bad habits, but my concern is for you and the pain you have been carrying around. Have you had any counseling for the abuse?
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