A new diagnosis

[laselle17]

I’ve known for a long time that I suffer from anxiety and depression. I was officially diagnosed a little over a year ago after I finally decided to seek help. Since then I’ve been on and off different medications, and majority of the time they never did what I would’ve liked them to do.

After my doctors visit yesterday, I feel lost again. She told me that she had me trying this new medication for the last month, because the way my body would react to it would answer her questions. She explained to me that because the medicine I took made my mood swings worse, especially with anger and irritability, I have bipolar depression.

Not to sound negative towards anyone who suffers from bipolar disorder, I guess I just never thought that I would suffer from something like that. Maybe it’s because I always put my problems down like they’re not a big deal, but I always looked at people with bipolar disorder as if they suffer much more than I do. I could never imagine what it was like to have such extreme mood swings, But I guess this whole time I’ve already been experiencing them?

I guess in a way it answers a lot of my concerns. I have felt for a long time that maybe there was something else going on. That maybe all of my struggles weren’t stemming exactly from anxiety or depression. This change in diagnosis, in a way, answers my questions. But it didn’t make things any better like I had hoped. I feel like I’m starting from scratch again, like I’m on another road to recovery. To figure out how to beat this demon.

Does anyone on here struggle from bipolar depression? If so, how did you feel when you were first diagnosed? What are some medications you have tried, and how did they affect you? Have you figured out any triggers?

Also, I am in no way shape or form saying that bipolar depression is worse than depression and anxiety. I am only opening up about my thoughts on my own personal experience and lack of knowledge. Everyone struggles in their own way, everyone experiences things differently. Although we may have the same diagnosis, our experience and our feelings on it could be totally different. I hope this post was not offensive to anyone, that is never EVER my intention.