Repressing feelings

[Dreamie]

This is what I do. Repress negative feelings. Repress my thoughts that don’t coincide with those around me. It’s ingrained in me. And I don’t know how to change. And what happens as a result is my most intimate relationships fall apart and I fall apart temporarily until I can push the sadness and pain back down. I don’t know how to stop doing this. I’m usually not even aware I’m doing it until I look back. And right now I feel I am on the edge of another breakdown. My marriage has fallen apart and I know that the dam is going to break at some point. The relationship falling apart is a mutual thing. My husband has deep issues that he takes out on me and I can’t bear it anymore. But I know the biggest part I played in it is repressing myself and my needs. I’m just a shell of the person I used to be. I want to learn and get better so that my future will be good and hopeful. Any thoughts?

[Coral43]

Reading your post for me was like looking into my own life, I do the same thing as you and repress my feelings. I wish I also could figure out how to stop myself from doing that. As far as your marriage I understand that feeling as well, it's really hard when your spouse doesn't want to deal with his/her own problems. I wish I had something to say hey this is what can work to not repress your feelings, but I can't. I have just learned to deal with the way that I am, and I hope that one day I will be better and I hope you will too!

[Dreamie in reply to Coral43]

I do too! I have a feeling that part of the answer is in talking with a therapist. I know I need to look for one again. Interesting thing... I took an enneagram test last night. I am a 9 which is what they call The Peacemaker or more accurately the peace-lover. It has its good points but the weak ones were about repressing true feelings. I already knew this about myself but it was funny how it showed up in a personality test.

[1973m]

Hi dreamie, mostly we repress feelings to self preserve, to avoid the hurt and pain .

My thing at the moment is either standing in the shower or walking my dogs and I just let the tears flow .. then I wipe them away put my face on and brave the day.

I think talking to someone would benefit you greatly.

Are you just sad from the break down of the marriage or are there other sadnesses?

Try and deal with and take each day as it comes, non of us are perfect but we all deserve to be looked after and loved and if that comes from self preservation then so be it . Here anytime even if you just want to do a virtual yell!!!

[Dreamie]

Hi 1973. At the moment my repressed feelings are about the marriage. I am sad, angry and scared. And I am very afraid that when the dam breaks I am going to go down with it. In the past when I’ve finally come to a breaking point they’ve been extremely intense. Once I was admitted to a mental health day treatment program and another time I could not go back to my job (it was a super stressful one and a big part of my breakdown) and didn’t get back on my feet for several months later. I cannot afford either of these scenarios again. So I know that I am going to have to somehow allow these feelings to come out. I would like to think that I can plan for times when I will allow myself to do so as you do in the shower or walking your dog. I’ll give it a try. I’ve also got to stop procrastinating and get a therapist. No “buts” about it. 😋

Thank you so much for offering your support. I need it. Bless you. 💗

[Pamela2876]

I am sorry you are facing this, after listening to you it sounds like you do may have a lack of boundaries. There is a book called "Boundaries" by Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud that is a great book to read in regards to setting boundaries with our loved ones. Setting boundaries can help us to gain back our identity and bring us out of depression. It is also great to meet with a counselor that can help you set boundaries with others. My thoughts are with you!

[Dreamie in reply to Pamela2876]

Thank you. That book was recommended to me before and I may even have it. And I’m looking for a therapist. 💗