Worry for my son wellbeing

[Melaxx]

My son lost his managerial job due to misconduct he told me he was ready to through himself under a train on the way back the hearing . He went out yesterday afternoon his phone was off , he told me he was going to come back home later in the evening but he didn’t he stopped in somebody’s house without letting me know . I reported missing to the police bc I thought he was in a danger state of mind , they found him , he came home and now went off on a bender with a group of friends, he rang me drunk and I got a feeling he did class a drugs too. For me his going to be another nightmare of a night , worry about him overdose , end up in a fight etc , he doesn’t care anymore he had everything and now he lost it , gf , job . I trying to tell him to go to the doctor but he won’t go , he’s a compulsive liar he goes from a saint to a sinner and he manages to makes you believe everything ( he’s very clever that way) . I’m a lupus sufferer, I’m very unwell atm , lost weight bc I just can’t eat , I’m on my own , ( widow) I don’t confide on anyone, this forum and my poor 81 years old mother know my situation. I’m dreading tonight , makes me want to think about suicide , bc I don’t want to see my child going before me . 😢😢

[Stilltrying_]

Aw, poor you. That must be awful being worried out of your mind about your son.

It sounds like he has taken it very badly losing his job and I think you are right to be worried about it. It is difficult to know what to say to you about this; it does sound like his state of mind could be unstable if he is taking drugs and drinking as well.

Apart from calling the Police again I am not sure what you can do with regards to ensuring his wellbeing. You have to be so careful as well as you don't want him locked up if there is no need for it but at the same time if you are genuinely worried he will end up in a bad way then you need to let the authorities know.

It is really tough on you especially as you are ill with lupus and with your mother's age. I would be the same as you; unable to rest and like a cat on a hot tin roof. It is selfish on his part to put you through this but I know you love your son and only want the best for him. Do what you feel is right but I'm afraid there are no easy answers.

Know that we are here to support you. You are not alone. x

[Melaxx in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you x

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I guess the misconduct was due to drink. Maybe your son is showing signs of being alcoholic. Mood swings anger promiscuity or making a pass in the workplace should be tactfully managed. If your son is addicted he does need medical support and your positive listening skills to help him admit alcohol or drugs abuse. You must be so worried. What it is to be a mum. Once he gets the right counselling and help he may be able to find work or retrain. Just being there when needed Is going to help.

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Re read your post . Depending on the company most reputable companies will get the employee to sign a contract about working hours and for the length of contract. If an employee has a complaint made against them which involves drinking then normal procedure would be to have a disciplinary and a warning. Drinking including wine is part of corporate living. Some people cannot hold their drink as well as others and will behave inappropriately. I know this is stressful but as your son phoned you in a drunken state that is a sign he cares and feels he has let you down . If his track record as a manager was blemish free then a letter should be written to the employer to ask why if it was drink which influenced his actions why he had not had a chat with his employers personnel department to establish the complaint. If his complainant had been drinking too then this could be construed as unfair dismissal. If a contract has been unfairly broken then advice from white collar Union and the citizens advice bureau with a referral to a free solicitor may be helpful. As this sudden dismissal was made directly after a complaint without discussing the incident . The company may have acted irresponsibly making your son feel guilty when drinking is a corporate habit. I do not think you have had a chance to discuss the dismissal and to find out if misconduct has been misconstrued if both parties were over the age of eighteen and had been drinking. Most companies are aware of their duty of care to their staff. If their immediate actions have taken one word against the other then this is unfair. His normal for character has been ruined overnight. He should have a chance for rehab and think you should find enough information to discover the full circumstances of dismissal. I know I would want to help my son find out the circumstances of the incident as may be this episode is not a hanging offence. No need to reply. Hope you hear soon from your son as this bender is not an ideal in today's world.

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Is it a drinking problem that got him fired? You didn’t say his age. Sounds like he does drugs drinks addicts lie. He needs help. He’s pretty wound up would he be willing to go talk to someone a Councellor? I think one of the best things is to just love your son let him know you’re there & say what’s done is done what’s most important is you and getting you in a better place. What do you want for yourself? Say you’re not angry you accept him with open arms and there’s nothing more important than his health not money not friends not a job thats the past let’s go from here. He’s angry at himself that’s destructive I’m there I just don’t drink or do drugs but it’s ruined me my own depression I have to do this. An addict is no different I hope he’s not abusive to you. If you have the money pay for Councellor day anybody under that much stress could use someone in their corner.

[froggymom88]

Sending you one big hug! My bipolar son when having an episode use to go out at unreasonable times and i knew he was not in a good place mentally. I worried terribly. Like you for many years i could not sleep. I learned that my worrying would not change anything except to make me sick but that God could help. Be there for your son and let him know you are always ready to help. It sounds like you are already doing that. Pray for him daily and nightly and then trust in God. I promise you that I will be praying for him too.

[Melaxx in reply to froggymom88]

Thank you 🙏

[MrZee]

Hi Melaxx,

Sorry to hear about your son’s situation. Long ago I too have been fired for misconduct...a painful learning experience.

If your son is to get better then he needs to hit bottom which can lead him to a rehab center to dry out. You can’t make him go. He has to find that on his own.

I know this is all easier said then done, but that’s what will help your son—sobriety.

I know this ails you. All I can say is I’m sending you a caring empathetic hug.

Best,

-MZ

[Melaxx in reply to MrZee]

Thank you , tough love I know but it’s so hard when you love someone so much if I could swap places with him I would he’s still my baby .