Hope you're having a great day! Thanks for all the welcomes. So to basically put everything into a nutshell I am 48 years old and both of my parents have passed away and since I am an only child everything has been on me to take care of. Coupled with jobs that haven't been so wonderful I find myself at this age at a crossroads. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful for the things I do have but I lately feel very alone. I'm single and while I have great friends also they all have their own lives. I've been working on being positive and some days I am good but some days I feel so sad and unhappy. I also have arthritis in my knees which I definitely let get the best of me. Some days I am in so much pain I just want to cry. I know I need to get out of my head but I feel lost on my journey and I so want to get on the right path to where I am suppose to be. Thanks for listening in advance.
Carol
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metalprincess1970
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I feel for you! I have arthiritis in my knees as well and that can get you down sometimes but the suffering certainly does not have to define you. Something that has been extremely helpful for me is focusing on what I can do like meditation, yoga, focused breathing, excercises like swimming, biking, activities that put less pressure on the knees. There are certain foods that you may want to look into that might aggravate inflammation like nightshades (tomatoes, potatoes: with the exception of sweet potatoes, eggplant, etc), gluten, dairy, eggs, etc. Icing your knees will help. Getting a Tens machine to help wake the muscles helps me after a long day. Are you currently active?
Some others things that might be helpful is to include wild-caught salmon (if you eat seafood) as it contains Omega-3's that can help reduce inflammation and help support the brain. Eating dark leafy greens, adding berries and walnuts to your food choices. Including ginger, black pepper and tumeric into your spice options (they both contain compounds that help reduce pain and inflammation). Wearing supportive shoes (look at getting orthropedic inserts to help protect your knees). Try look at getting physical therapy to get you started.
There is more things to do but do not want to overwhelm you! You are not alone and I am here to help in whatever way I can. I understand what you are going through I also have depression and anxiety but there is one thing that I have learned is that community is so powerful and the fact the you opened up about what your going through shows that you are brave and taking your steps to get better and here is my favorite quote about pain "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional" you dont have to suffer. You got this
Thanks so much for your reply. I have been slowly working on restructing my eating habits but the issue I run into is my way of dealing with being unhappy is eating which is why I've gained weight. Food is my crutch. I have been trying new things like I stated taking stuff that has many of the ingredients you mentioned in it and seperataste which both for some reason haven't seemed to really help. I just lately feel miserable and I work so hard to be positive but for example right now all I want to do is lie down and hide from the world. But I'll pesevere on and continue my day. My back is also sore from the fan blowing on me so I'm definitely not feeling so great today
I thank you so much for wanting to help me and if I can help you please also let me know. I say every morning when I wake up I got this but today I don't feel that way at all
Your human and dealing with pain will challenge the way you think. It will test you. Its a journey. Dealing with pain is like the ocean waves, one day you feel great and the next you feel like you hit a brick wall. It's a process. Allow yourself to have those feelings but start talking back to them (having a conversation) and challenge your beliefs. I had a hard time with my emotions and would eat anything in sight but I started trying this excercise where, and its a challenge but can be useful, is before I eat something, I check in with how I am feeling. If I am feeling anxious, tired, afraid, lonely, angry, irritable I try to replace the eating habit with another habit like going for a walk with some headphones on or just a short simple breathing excercise and then I check back in with myself and after I ee if I really need to eat that piece of cake.
I would like to recommend a book that may help you is called Change your brain, change your life byt Daniel Amen, its helped me understand anxiety and depression more with chronic pain and why sometimes it is so hard to move out of my bed once I wake up.
Breaking habits is a marathon, not a sprint! Keep it up!
Thank you I just subscribed to Kindle Unlimited and I'm going to look for that book right now. Thank you for your input. I know sometimes I don't give myself much of a break and I'm very hard on myself I'm working on being nicer to myself.
Hi Carol and a very warm welcome from myself in the UK. I can relate quite a lot to your position. I am 60 and just have my dad who is 96 ; though I do have a sister we are not close. I'm single and have no children.
It is a lot to take care of on your own. Did they pass recently? Is there stuff like houses to sort out and so forth?
I know how stressful it can be. Dad is in a care home now but before he was I had to deal with a few crises with him on my own and lots of stuff that needed doing at his house and getting carers in etc. Now I have to deal with power of attorney, getting financial advice and many things I have never done before. I also have had my fair share of physical pain in my life, mostly joints and muscles. It is hard sometimes to feel positive when you are in physical pain as well.
It is normal to feel you need people to lean on. I hope we are able to support you on here. Do you have any relatives at all or children or are you completely on your own?
Thank you so much Gemma and nice to meet you as well. What's interesting is my parents passed away within 10 years of each other. My dad passed away in 2008 and my mom passed away in 2017 so it's definitely been a journey. While I do have some family none of them live near me and we're not really all that close. I don't have any kids and while I have great friends they all have their own marriages kids etc. so I often feel very alone.
God Bless your Dad however I know it's not easy when families are distant from each other. I don't know what it's like to have a sibling so I don't quite understand when there is distance but I've seen it on my dad's side of the family so in a sense I get it. I hope that you both will eventually get closer if that is what you'd like.
Thanks for sharing your personal story as well. I sometimes feel is it only me?
Oh no you aren't alone at all. I am 65 and have no partner of children and most of my friends have kids and grandkids etc. However I have found it better with age as several of my friends are widows or have not many family ties now.
The main problem I found when younger is friends with small children and often women more than men don't either want or have any time for friends as they are so tied up and busy. It's still more acceptable for men to go out on their own especially in pubs and social occasions which makes it even harder for us women.
I hope you have some good friends anyway who do think of friends as very important and make time for you. I sometimes used to think of it though as crumbs from a rich mans table. And also left out coz I wasn't supposed to have an opinion of children as 'It's different when you have your own'. I also felt a bit of a freak on occasions...Life isn't easy for us childless women is it? x
Yes you are 100% right. Most of my friends have kids and are off doing their own thing...I need to do mine but thank you for your support and encouragement I hope you are doing well and having a wonderful weekend so far.
Hi, you sound like a good person. Arthritis can be very painful and doctors dont seem to understand. I hope you find some peace today. Jesus is always there to confide in.
Thank you so much Anxietygal and thanks for the sweet words. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I'm focusing on positive even though this weekend I was not as positive as I could have been but I'm going to put that aside and start my new day today. Thank you I appreciate it and I hope you're having a great weekend as well!
Hi and welcome. I also have issues with my knees and Ive done metaphysical research and the ailments are from old thought patterns and old beliefs that aren't serving me. The left knee represents stubbornness and the right knee pride. You can also download Louise Hay's Alchemy of the body which will help you determine what your body is telling you... Your thoughts create emotions and your emotions feed your thoughts so it's a vicious cycle of anxiety, fear and worry with self sabotage and continues until you stop and breathe and become completely and unconditionally present with your emotions. Easier said than done as it takes practice. Eating healthier most certainly does help and exercise is also a really healthy suggestion but to change the beliefs is where true healing starts. 💚💛🧡💙
hi metalprincess! thank you for sharing. i feel less alone when i read posts like yours. I'm 45, single, no kids, live alone with my dogs and this weekend I've felt particularly alone. i have 2 sisters thank God but they have their own lives. i work night shifts and i have every other weekend off so on my weekends off i feel pressure to enjoy myself. this weekend there just wasn't anything to do or anyone to visit so i stayed home. I'm out of ambien so the nights have been long. reading other people's posts helps me feel less alone. welcome to the group!
Thank you ZIpper! I'm sorry you felt alone this weekend. I wish I had known we could have chatted I know it's hard. I often feel that way myself but know i'm always here to listen if you need to talk. Thanks for your words of wisdom they really do help! Thanks also for the warm welcome!!
Thank you for your post. It appears there’s a lot I can relate to as others here can.
I’m about to turn 61. And middle age (especially upper middle age) is more of a challenge especially on the body.
When I was 44 both of my knees were going out. I thought, “I’m only 44 and now my knees?” My doctor put me on Glucosamine (over the counter). It took about 6 months to kick in and then my knees felt like new. Then last year my knees started up again... this time arthritis symptoms. Doc put me on Tumeric pills which over 3 months to kick in, my knees feel wonderful. Both of the pills I take for my knees are anti-inflammation. I’m not a licensed MD whatsoever but perhaps ask your doctor about these or give them a try (remember, it takes a few months patience to work).
Also, I find a number of us at the mid-life age become more introspective: “What have I accomplished in my life? And where do I now go from here?” That’s the way it feels for me. And I’ll tell you, there’s no easy answer.
I’m partnered and feel alone. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a wonderful person. But he has his life and I have mine. Also I have Social Anxiety and it’s hard for me to get out and make friends. But I do have a few friends and at the rare times they’re free we get together.
As for feeling lonely and not out there in the world I’ve decided not to beat myself up for what I am. If I have fears then so be it. They’re real. I’m also fortunate to have a good therapist that helps me along.
When I do make new friends I pick and choose. That is if they are nurturing, then I’m sold on them. If not, then they’re a waste of my time.
To help my loneliness, I’ve taken some action that I can control. I’ve deleted all my social media accounts (Facebook, etc.) with exception to this site. Social Media was too much of an isolating addictive escape for me.
I can also relate to “food.” I have a wild sweet tooth that I have to take by the reins to control. And I love to eat. All I can say there is I don’t keep any “dangerous” foods in the house (cookies, candy, etc.). It’s a bummer that I’ve put on weight. But as someone else on this site told me, “why not accept your body the way it is?” I really got that. Hey at 61, I’ve no interest in obtaining an olympian’s body. And exercise and I are not friends. Though, on nice days I love to take walks. Where I live there’s a bunch of trails. So at least I know I’m doing minimal exercise to keep myself moving.
Anyway, it sounds like you’re on the right path and aware of what you have and don’t have in life. I’ve learned at middle age to just enjoy pleasurable moments when they come. Such as I may be at a street corner and somehow a stranger and I break out into a wonderful conversation. Then a few seconds later we’re both on our separate ways. We never exchanged names or numbers. But that 15 seconds of wonderful conversation was bliss. So I live my life for pleasurable moments.
Finally, I love to read. I find a subject that I enjoy and Amazon Kindle is my messiah where I can download a great book for a minimal price.
Thank you so much MrZee for sharing your journey with me. I am sorry to read that you are gong through this but I don't feel like I'm the only one on this journey. I like you am very selective about my friends and who I hang out with and while I know MANY people there are some I just keep at a distance and don't really want to hang out with. With that being said today I woke up feeling a bit more positive and that I could kick ass. Now I just need that feeling to continue daily. I'm hoping that will continue. But thank you for your kind words. I did start taking a supplement that has cumin in it and I have also been taking serrapeptaste. I haven't really seen results yet but maybe little tiny ones so I probably just need to give it a bit more time. Now that you mentioned it took a few months to kick in I am going to take a deep breath and be patient. Thank you so so much for your support!!
Knowing your life and feel the pain and difficulties you are facing. Life is sometimes not behave well with the person who has good heart and intention. Loneliness is the painful and frustrated and when in pain, you see around and found no one, this pain increased. Sharing your thoughts and feeling could help. As we all want a source of kindness, compassion, warmness and a gesture of closeness. Which not gives us any healing but gives us the power to heal ourselves. I don't have any such conditions, not having similar age, but can listen you as a friend, whenever you and empathetically. I am sure you have lot to say and share.
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