Generous to a Fault (#ruminating# still coping# almost there)

[MYNN]

It’s not your fault; taking me for granted

Giving more than I received became an expectation

I should have told you exactly what I wanted

I should have asked you to make a better effort

But I was afraid

My self-respect was always lacking

It was imbedded in my brain

That I was jaded and flawed

That I should be grateful for the opportunity of love

It all lead to overcompensation

Instead of asking you to pull you weight

I think I conformed to a lowered expectation

It’s not your fault you didn’t give enough

I guess I never gave you the chance to offer

I forgive you for underestimating my value

I overestimated your value too

It’s not your fault I thought you were worth more

And I was worth less

I was your teacher in that respect

How did I expect to be involved in your life?

When you weren’t interested in mine since the beginning

How did I expect for you to understand my point of view?

When you stopped making an effort to even get to know me

You treated other people better than you treated me

You listened and considered your friends and family,

even your colleagues took priority

You stopped seeking my advice

You only texted when you were bored

or wanted something

I forgive you, it’s not your fault I became used to getting nothing

It’s not your fault I’m on the borderline

not far away, but not quite up to your standard

I should have clearly expressed that disappointments wouldn’t do

Instead of thinking that my worth was earned from giving

In essence, it’s not your fault that I attract what I think that I deserve

[Hidden]

Thank you for sharing..

Such powerful forgiving words.

You deserve nice things

🌺🌺🌺 xx

[MYNN]

Thank you Olivia.

[Hidden in reply to MYNN]

Your most welcome 💕

[Lovely_Lizzy_]

I relate to this so much, but me and that “friend” are no longer friends, I struggle with realizing when someone is crossing a line as well❤️

[BonnieSue]

I love your writing! Well done! Insightful! You've got talent!

[Dreamie]

I can relate very much to your thoughts. I would imagine a lot of us do. For me I feel like such a burden and like I have so little to contribute that any amount of “love” or attention I receive is undeserved. So I don’t speak up when I know what I have to say will make another uncomfortable or angry or defensive. I keep too much to myself. Then I feel like a fake. I think of my mental illness as a burden on others and it makes me feel like I owe anyone who “puts up with me” so much more than I deserve.

I know that these thoughts aren’t really the truth. If someone else said these things about themselves I would rush to tell them that this is not true at all. That they are worthy and valuable just because they are. No effort needed. I’ve got to believe this is true for me too.

Food for thought. What am I worth? What do I want? What will I not tolerate?

Thank you for giving me this to think about. 💗