Wednesday was a great day. I went to the mall with my new boyfriend and we had an absolute blast. We went back to his house where we then watched The Fault in Our Stars, a favorite book/movie of the both of us. Played board games, made lunch and eventually I left to go run a errand before heading back to my apartment.
Now lately I have been very stressed and anxious financial as I am only getting one 5 hour shift a week and was awaiting to hear from a company about a full time position. Along with that, things have been rough with my parents , them telling me I’m not being an adult and pressuring me to tell them when I’m going back to college. I am behind on bills already and now have had to use the money to pay them to take care of copays because my dad refused to due to his frustration towards me.
My new relationship does not stress me out. In fact, I am very happy being with this person. He respects me and always has my well being in mind. Wednesday was a great day. Then nighttime came along.
As I left my new boyfriends house, i told him I was going to run a few errands and would text him when I got there to let him know I was okay. (He likes to know I am safe because it was late and I am a petite young woman) My dad called me and we got into a fight. And to my mind and body, that was the cherry on top for a HUGE panic / anxiety attack.
I called my boyfriend because I was still driving to the store and told him what was going on. I was shaking , a little lightheaded and hyperventilating. I told him I was going to go inside the store, do my shopping and try to calm down. About 15 minutes later he text me to ask where I am and I said inside the store. The next thing I know I see him speed walking towards me and he just started hugging me and i was shaking a lot. He just held me while I fought everything inside me not to scream. We finished my shopping and I went home and he followed to make sure I got inside safely and that I was going to be okay. I thought I would be, but I wasn’t.
My hands went numb and clenched into fist.
I fell over and couldn’t move.
My eyes were completely crossed, eyelids shaking.
My face was twitching and I could barely speak.
I felt tingling and numbness in my side and chest.
My head felt like it was vibrating.
Anytime I tried to open my hands it was an awful pain I had never felt.
My vision was blurry and I blacked out. I don’t know for how long but I know I did.
I refused to go to the ER because it was late at night and I didn’t want to have to deal with the drama of my parents.
I have gone to the doctors and have an appointment set up for an EEG. They believe I had what is known as a PNES.
Otherwise known as Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures. They can occur in those who have diagnosed GAD and Bipolar, in which I have both.
They can be brought on by extreme emotional distress and that is what the doctor believes caused it.
I have had symptoms of them before when stressed and or after having panic attacks but this episode was my most intense and scary yet.
I go for EEG very soon. I just hope they can tell me what is going on. Until then they have me on a temporary prescription for Clonazepam to prevent another seizure and reduce my anxiety.
Can’t focus and it’s scary.
Changes need to happen, but they are scary
Scary thoughts are coming back
Medication
