Last Tuesday I was at work ( dairy farm, milking 300 cows) when on the last group of cows I got kicked in the hand and broke 3 fingers and have 2 hairline fractures in my knuckle. Since I couldnt got to work I hung out with my bestfriend who just happens to be my boyfriends sister. She was going to some friends house who was fixing her car, she told one of them how my boyfriend doesnt work, doesnt really do anything, is controlling, and needy. So I went to hangout with them on Saturday before I went to try to do chores on the farm I work at, they were super nice and sweet. They invited me to come over after work to hangout more which was really fun.
That being said I broke a lot of promises I had made to my boyfriend like I promised him I would stop drinking, and smoking. However i have also been going through hell and wanted to enjoy a weekend for once because I work 45-50 hours a week, drive an hour to high school because I am a senior right now, and i pay for all my bills, my parents kicked me out, my cousin just died, and my aunt had a stroke thursday morning. so I didnt think much of me hanging out with some friends. I had a great night with my friends however they all think that i deserve better because my boyfriend has cheated, lied straight to my face, doesnt have a job right now.
I just dont know what to do or what to think because i think I am starting to get some feelings for a friend of mine.
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Brandysgirl
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Go with those feelings. Ain’t nothin wrong with variety; how else are you supposed to find your happy?!? You’re SO young!!! This’s when you SHOULD be enjoying life. High school’s the easy part. It just gets harder from there. I’m speaking from 45 years of experience. I was married to a control freak. I have 2 kids with him (age 14 & 18) and he’s STILL the same control freak to my boys and his wife. That’ll never change. Know what else will never change? Cheating. I should know because I still do it at my age. Time to say NEXT!
But I LIVED my late teens and twenties and I’m so glad I did. You sound like you have excellent work ethic and that’ll get you far in life, but take the time to have fun. It’s those moments that you’ll treasure. Not the ones stressing you out about someone who probably doesn’t deserve you.
You can use my motto:
Hold your head up high and your middle finger higher.
Thank you for the advice, the thing i am struggling with is that we were planning on getting married in june, and I live with him, his mom and his little brother. They all do so much for me and I have never wanted to have a family or even get married until I met my boyfriend. I love him more than anything and i have always believed in working things out.
1. There are MILLIONS of men out there, and lots of good ones who won’t lie and cheat. I promise.
And
2. As humans, we’re creatures of habit. We crave structure and routine. I think part of your struggle is that you’re used to this idea of ‘routine’ with your boyfriend, his mom, etc, and leaving it can be scary as hell.
BUT
Ya gotta ask yourself: what do I want? You’re far more important than this guy who hurt you. There will forever be trust issues with him. Sounds like you’re pretty damn self sufficient as it is so take it from a broad who’s been around for awhile:
Put on YOUR oxygen mask first. YOU are more important than any man.
And go back and read what Merm8 said because it’s pretty brilliant and spot on. Best of luck to you and careful around those cows kid. 😉
Sorry about your hand, take good care of it. And take good care of you. Ditch that crummy boyfriend, he does not deserve you, he will only drag you down. Listen to the inner voice, it seldom lets us down, my therapist over 30 years ago, said he envied our women's intuition and that we should always listen to it. You are young and deserve to have fun, do not let this time pass, you will only regret it when you are older if you do, and that can make you miserable. So go and play, remember to eat a good diet and get enough sleep. I toast you, send you love & hugs....Sprinkle 1...
Take time for yourself and maybe be single for a while. I know it’s difficult when you are young but getting to know yourself and being alone leads to amazing growth and self love. It’s difficult with the distraction of a relationship because we focus so much on our significant other.
It sounds like you’re working very hard and doing well. Take time to make yourself happy and leave this jerk who lies and cheats. No one deserves that bs.
The problem i am struggling with is that I do love him and his family, and I live with him and his mom , they have helped me so much and I dont want to ruin the relationship because I lost him before.
I lived with an ex and his family. They were wonderful and I loved his mom.
He helped me so much to grow as well. But he was very abusive at times, lost his temper, nothing too bad but I never just sat and took it so it turned me into a person I didn’t like. I would fight back. It was so toxic. I also caught him lying. But still- I wanted him and to be with him. But sometimes, that isn’t enough and what’s meant for us wouldn’t hurt us. It wouldn’t lie or cheat. It will teach us but there comes a time when you need to realize it has reached the end and now a new chapter must begin. You coming here to ask for advice proves that you know something isn’t right and there needs to be change. It takes strength to do what needs to be done. To move on for YOU.
I knew the relationship wasn’t right anymore and I felt like it was time for me to move in another direction.
I didn’t know where to go if I left. (My parents had also kicked me out and I had been living on my own for two years and with this ex for one year.) I decided to move back home from California to Arizona and back with my parents anyway. They took me in but only until I found a job and another safe place to live.
Over the years, this life and how it works has become clear as day to me - we each have a path we are on and a journey - it is cut out for us and written in the stars, as cheesy as that sounds. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT to know yourself. Get to know you and what you love and what makes you glow and full of passion. Develop self awareness and presence so that you can feel and listen to your intuition better. We need to listen to our instincts and our hearts and also apply logic. If we do these things and do our best to be a good person to all living- we will be rewarded. Good things will come.
I believe every relationship I have been in, I was supposed to be in. Everything I’ve ever been through, no matter how difficult and horrible, was meant for me and a significant part of my journey.
I have learned from everything. I have seen things that have changed me and made me who I am. It has led me to goodness and success. I was alone for many years which taught me a lot about myself and about others.
I am 25, not married, own my own house, I manage a rental fleet within the business I work for, I have two wonderful dogs, rekindled my relationship with my family and have helped every one of them with their own issues, I have discovered my life purpose - to help others as a counselor or psych. I am going back to college to finish my general courses and earn a degree so I can help people for a living.
Everyone’s journey is different. The path is NOT LINEAR.
I have a boyfriend who loves and respects me, I am also helping and coaching him. Trying to get him to see the world a bit differently and overcome a lot of issues he has ignored which has caused him some damage. He is growing and changing and blooming and it’s amazing to see.
I know that with his growth may come the realization that he needs something else in life, or someone else, or to live in another place.
I am at peace with that and will be supportive. But if it’s meant to be - it will be - there is no use in fighting things when it is all as clear as day.
I wish you clarity
To get to know yourself and get in touch with you.
I struggled so much when I was younger and the transformation I had made I never could have imagined. I was suicidal for years. Self destructive and toxic to myself. Promiscuous and addicted to smoking and drinking. I developed eating disorders, ptsd, anxiety, isolated myself for an entire year never leaving my college dorm room. But everything happens for a reason and with that scary depth and despair, came the light and amazing growth. Watching Ted talks, researching various topics, going to therapy, learning about me and maybe being selfish and doing what made me happy, all helped me. And now I can help others.
Idk what else to say, please take this to heart. I promise it will all make sense one day. We have two choices- suffer or grow.
I loved Merms answer, I hope you read it more than once, and took it to heart, you are young, there is a Lot of life ahead of you. Ask some of these friends that you hang out with, if they have a spare bedroom you could rent. You need to live
you will grow by truly living. Look beyond the end of your nose, life is out there, go and live it. I wish you well, keep us posted. And do not love a useless bum......Sending love and hugs, courage and peace...Sprinkle 1......
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