Who Am I?: Sometimes I don't know who I... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Who Am I?

Sometimes I don't know who I am....I can be happy and cheerful and then 5 minutes later I can be moody and depressed. The fact that I am this way annoys me and makes me feel even worse! You see, the cheerful me doesn't need any help and the miserable depressed me feels like he's beyond help. The middle of the road me is what you see most often. That version of me can be helped and is capable of helping others....Yet the middle of the road me is just a few moments away from being super happy or super depressed.....So I say again: Who am I? Am I the guy that sometimes risks my health to help others without a single thought or the guy who gets so upset that he cries? Or am I the guy who appears to function normally on occasion....You see, people like me hide a secret. We are never really normal. Even when we appear to be it's just a charade. A game that we play to fool others, including ourselves. I no longer know what 'normal' is. Sometime's I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a catastrophic event that might once and for all finish me off. Is this what my new 'normal' has become? Psycho analyze away....

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I love it!

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Your welcome. I guess we all feel that way sometimes....

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Its deff relatable!

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that's the struggle we have jeg I suppose.never knowing whats around the corner in our minds.i think the best way forward is to break it all down and tackle it in fractions.stand a better chance of recovery that way.less mental pressure breaking it down that way.some of the less important things can be put to the back of our minds and concentrate on the more serious issues first.

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Thank you, my friend. That's great advice. I guess it annoys me to be so flighty in my moods. I wish I could be the calm, peaceful, person who is at his best helping others all the time. Sometimes that person just goes poof and vanishes! The me that repaces him can't even help himself! Nice to hear from you as usual. You are one of my favorite people out here, k.....

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Hi Jeg, your post has really made me think. I totally relate to when you say we fool everyone, I always put a smile on my face at work and they all have no idea how I suffer. It can be very hard to keep doing that. I think you're amazing how you put all your feelings down in words. :)

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I appreciate your comment. Yes, I too, act like I feel better than I do, sometimes when I'm talking to my friends. I don't journal my feelings often but, felt compelled to write down these feelings at 12:45am last night. I thought it might help others....

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Wow! That’s was deep, and that’s how I been feeling for so long. And really am tired of fighting a battle am never going

To win. And I been on medication it will be 4weeks tomorrow but my problem is am use to feeling depressed and anxious and having flashbacks I don’t know what normal is no more

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That makes 2 of us. It's hard to know when I'm happy and satisfied, because most of my life is an unhappy mess. I tell most people to keep putting one foot in front of the other and just keep on going. Somedays it's even hard to do that though....Thatnks for weighing in.

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I have been right there with you! Did you read my journal?? :) I can so relate to this. I think I've come to feel that it's okay that I don't know "who I am." It's enough that I just AM! :) Not sure if that makes sense.

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Agreed. But, sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling of dread, like I'm 2 steps away from some serious physical calamity or an emotional breakdown I may never recover from. That's aggravating. But, I do love talking with you, my friend.....

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Hmmm. I guess it doesn't help to remember that none of us knows what will happen in the future. Who knows? It could be something really good.

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True, but it never feels that way. It always feels like something bad is

gonna happen. Just me, I guess....

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And does something bad happen?

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Not just you. I have felt this way before, too. As someone once said to me, "If it happens to me, I can't be the only one, right?"

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You're absolutely right.

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After you get that feeling, does something bad happen?

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No. Usually it passes after awhile. The bad feeling is in part because I have a physical disorder called Hypokalemia. If you read some of my earlier posts, I explain about it. It drives my emotions crazy sometimes. But, usually I recover just fine. Yet, it always feels like like something catastrophic is about to happen. It also causes waves of depression too. I'll live, I guess....Especially with cool people like you to talk to!

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I'm sorry, JEG. :( And I am sorry for my late reply. That has to be scary and very frustrating to deal with. We're here to support you as best we can. 🌸 I hope you're doing okay today.

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I'm doing much better. I'm just waking up from almost 8 hours of sleep. That's always a plus. If it happened everyday, I'd be 25% stronger. Thanks for asking, my beautiful friend.....

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Hi JEG. Good. I'm sorry sleep doesn't happen more often for you, though. :/ I'm sure you've tried lavender. Or soaking your feet in epsom salts before you go to sleep? Wishing you some peace today. ❤

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I play that game of charades. I look an act normal in public but its just that, an act. For those who take the time to get to know me ill seem a little "off" or "strange." You may not be able to quite put your finger on being able to figure me out. You'll always question was he serious or being sarcastic. Ill be thinking to myself all the negative thoughts but I never say them out loud. That's when most of my friends are no longer friends anymore.

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As a person who plays that game quite well, I can relate across the board. Am looking forward to calling you....I don't run away from my real friends!

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I think depressed minds make for the best actors and actresses in the world.

Depressed minds can hide behind that image of "everything is alright" but the reality being a lot different.

I can smile, but inside im dying, i can laugh, but inside im crying, i can joke, even though my mind is broke.

The ironic thing is when you make jokes, they can be morbid in regards to how you feel about your life,and people think you are joking, but you know your not.

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That is so, so true! Like your poem too. Thanks for your response....

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No problem, and thanks, i think the word normal will always be debatable,if everyone was normal the world would be a boring place.

If Robin Williams was normal, would he have made the world laugh so much?

If Van Gogh was normal, would he have created amazing art work?

If Chester Bennington was normal would he have sung the way he did?

All 3 had that cloud over them all their lifes.

A normal mindset is what exactly? its a debate that could go on a while.

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Absolutely right. It's my turmoil of emotions that allows me to writea all those poems and stories I post. Si, I know that personally, for a fact. Thanks for you well spoken comments....

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Sorry for my bad spelling....

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Your spelling is fine 👍👍

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